Round 2 / Day 15: P90X Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

Tony Horton spends a lot of time talking and taking breaks.

Image Source: LCD Love

After working out with Insanity for a couple of weeks, I've noticed that Shaun T doesn't waste time with meaningless jibber-jabber. He doesn't brag about how his dad "pitched a couple of no-hitters," or ramble on about how he "loves-loves-loves" one of his workouts "until daddy takes my T-bird away." Rather, Shaun T is constantly on the move, and the vast majority of his comments involve instruction or encouragement. He hustles people back from their extremely brief water breaks -- during which he's often already demonstrating the next move. Perhaps that's why the Insanity workouts -- at least the first months' sessions -- are so much shorter than Tony's P90X workouts.

I got started a little later than usual, and had only an hour to complete both Chest & Back and Ab Ripper X before the kids got up and demanded food. But I noticed that Tony was -- as usual -- spending tons of time chit-chatting between moves. This was fine (or at least tolerable) when I was a novice P90Xer, but at this point, I know how to perform a Diamond Push-Up and a Close-Grip Pull-Up, and don't need to listen to Tony's explanations for the millionth time. Nor do I want to hear Tony boast about how he can "do hundreds of [push-ups]" but has to "check on the kids."

So I grabbed my P90X Fitness Guide and just cranked out all the exercises in Chest & Back without regard to what was happening on the TV screen. I took a few breaks, but kept them as short as possible before diving right back into the next exercise. By the time I was on my last move of the workout, Tony and gang were six exercises behind. By moving ahead and ignoring Tony's mindless prattle (and by also skipping the cool-down because it's pointless), I managed to complete Chest & Back in slightly under 40 minutes, which gave me plenty of time for Ab Ripper X.

The only negative? With little-to-no rest between exercises, I had a hard time increasing my rep counts. But in the end, it was worth not having to suffer through Tony's douchetastic verbal diarhhea.

Round 2 / Day 14: Insanity Pure Cardio + Cardio Abs

There's nothing like Pure Cardio to remind you that you're not as fit as you think. After having finished a round of P90X, I thought I was in pretty good shape, but I'm certainly humbled every time I attempt to complete this workout.

Once again, I had to take breaks during Frog Jumps and Push-Up Jacks. On their own, neither of these moves is impossible, but performed in sequence with the other exercises (and without breaks), I find both to be painfully difficult to sustain for a full minute each.

After Pure Cardio was done, it was time for a new workout: Cardio Abs. Cardio Abs is to Insanity what Ab Ripper X is to P90X; it's a relatively short (16-17 minute) session that targets your abs with a series of exercises that blast your core and hip flexors.

It starts with a brief warm-up (unnecessary if you're still having a heart attack from Pure Cardio) that flows right into Twisting High Knees, Jump Ropes, Tuck Jumps (like P90X Plyo Jump Knee Tucks), and Wide Tuck Jumps (with knees out wide to the sides).

Cardio Abs then transitions into a series of ab moves performed from a "C-Sit" position (which resembles the starting position for In-N-Outs and Bicycles in Ab Ripper X):

• Twists (similar to Mason Twists, but slower and with your heels on the floor)
• Twists with Knee In/Outs & Up/Downs (same as before, but with alternating knee in/outs and raises)
• A-Frame Ab Twists (similar to Mason Twists, but with heels on the floor, hands together, arms straight -- your arms go vertical between each side twist)
• A-Frame Ab Twists with Knee In/Outs (same as before, but adding an alternating knee in/out with each rep)
• C-Sit Hold (hold in C-Sit position for what seems to be an eternity)
• Single Leg Raises (pull knee straight in, then extend leg out, then raise leg up, then bring it down -- repeat for 30 seconds, and then do the other side)
• Double Leg Raises (same as before, but using both legs at the same time)

Next up is the plank series:

• From a high plank (standard push-up) position, pull one knee up to the side and to your shoulder; alternate sides to work your obliques;
• Do the same thing again, but from a low plank position resting on your forearms;
• Alternate between high planks and low planks; while in each position, do 8 hip tucks, contracting your core while shifting your pelvis and hips toward the ground.

Although I had my doubts about an ab routine that doesn't include anything resembling a sit-up or a crunch, Cardio Abs doesn't disappoint. It's intense and challenging -- especially after you're already sweaty and exhausted from Pure Cardio. In my opinion, Ab Ripper X is still the superior workout, but Cardio Abs is a great way to break up the monotony of endless Fifer Scissors and Oblique V-Ups while still blasting your midsection.

Round 2 / Day 13: Insanity Cardio Recovery

It feels a little like cheating to do an easy day of Cardio Recovery when I didn't actually do any cardio yesterday. But then again, the "deep muscle" section of this workout is no cakewalk -- it absolutely kills my glutes and quads every time Shaun T demands that we hold deep squats and lunges. It feels tougher than one-legged wall squats; after all, there's no wall.

Speaking of glutes, Shaun T likes to work the butt muscles. A LOT. My weak, flat Asian ass finds this somewhat problematic.

[UPDATE: My calves and arches are still crazy-sore, so my barefoot loop around Palo Alto today was super-slow today, covering only about 6.5 miles in an hour and fifteen minutes.]

Round 2 / Day 12: P90X Core Synergistics

I tried not to pig out last night, but it was still nice to get up early and dive into a full-body workout like Core Syn. I enjoy the various resistance and core-strengthening moves, and the fact that I don't have to do Ab Ripper X today. And even though I'm not a fan of Dreya Rolls, I've discovered that I can pop up with a twisting jump on each rep like Ms. Weber herself. (I look ridiculous, but I'm proud nonetheless.)

Round 2: P90X / Insanity Hybrid Schedule

After some experimentation and mental gymnastics, I think I've landed on a way to incorporate both P90X and Insanity workouts in a balanced, 90-day program. Here's the schedule I'm going to try to follow:

Weeks 1, 3 and 5

Day 1: P90X Chest & Back, Ab Ripper X
Day 2: Insanity Plyometric Cardio Circuit
Day 3: P90X Shoulders & Arms, Ab Ripper X
Day 4: Insanity Cardio Power & Resistance
Day 5: P90X Legs & Back, Ab Ripper X
Day 6: Insanity Cardio Recovery or P90X X Stretch
Day 7: Insanity Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs

Weeks 2, 4 and 6

Day 1: P90X Chest, Shoulders & Triceps, Ab Ripper X
Day 2: Insanity Plyometric Cardio Circuit
Day 3: P90X Back & Biceps, Ab Ripper X
Day 4: Insanity Cardio Power & Resistance
Day 5: P90X Core Synergistics
Day 6: Insanity Cardio Recovery or P90X Yoga X
Day 7: Insanity Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs

Week 7 (Recovery Week)

Day 1: Insanity Core Cardio & Balance
Day 2: P90X Yoga X
Day 3: Insanity Core Cardio & Balance
Day 4: P90X Yoga X or X Stretch
Day 5: Insanity Core Cardio & Balance
Day 6: P90X X Stretch or Core Synergistics
Day 7: Insanity Core Cardio & Balance

Weeks 8, 10 and 12

Day 1: P90X Chest & Back, Ab Ripper X

Day 2: Insanity Max Interval Circuit

Day 3: P90X Shoulders & Arms, Ab Ripper X

Day 4: Insanity Max Interval Plyo

Day 5: 100 Pull-Ups and P90X Ab Ripper X

Day 6: Insanity Max Recovery or P90X X Stretch

Day 7: Insanity Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs

Weeks 9, 11 and 13

Day 1: P90X Chest, Shoulders & Triceps, Ab Ripper X

Day 2: Insanity Max Interval Circuit

Day 3: P90X Back & Biceps, Ab Ripper X

Day 4: Insanity Max Interval Plyo

Day 5: 100 Pull-Ups and P90X Ab Ripper X

Day 6: Insanity Max Recovery or P90X X Stretch

Day 7: Insanity Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs

For Digestion's Sake - Smoke Camels!

Source: The Consumerist

Round 2 / Day 11: Insanity Cardio Power & Resistance

Cardio Power & Resistance is one of my favorite Insanity workouts so far, but in honor of our national day of sloth and gluttony, I half-assed* today's workout, and plan to contribute fatty and sugary dishes to the family Thanksgiving potluck tonight.

*Given the tightness in my calves, I wouldn't have been capable of giving 100 percent this morning anyway. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself.

Do Your Best...

And hit the opposing team's 6-year-old running back so hard that he flies through the air:



This must be what happens when small children take to heart Tony's various P90X mantras, like "Don't just kind of do it."

Round 2 / Day 10: P90X Back & Biceps + Ab Ripper X

This morning's Back & Biceps workout was uneventful, but by the time Ab Ripper X started, my preschooler had popped out of bed and into the garage. "Good morning, daddy!" he chirped.

"'Morning," I grunted while forcing my legs straight while scissoring them.

My son walked over and stood directly above me, with one leg on either side of my head. "FASTER, daddy -- FASTERFASTERFASTER!"

"No, you see, we're supposed to wait until he tells us to--"

And at that moment, my kid (who hasn't yet mastered the skill of saying it and not spraying it) lets fly a gob of drool that lands squarely in my mouth.

It's both gross and funny (or, as my wife would say, gross is funny), but my laughter only encourages my son to find other ways to distract me. During my Hip Rock & Raise set, he playfully kicks my head with each rep. During Pulse-Ups, he spins around with a baseball bat like a helicopter. And during V-Up Roll-Ups, he takes an empty cannister of protein formula and tries to roll it under my head.

"How many seconds until you're done, daddy?" he finally demands.

There's little point in trying to finish the last two exercises. "I'm done now, kiddo. Let's eat breakfast."

[UPDATE: I never did finish Ab Ripper X today, but I ran the Lake Merced Loop twice after work for a total of 9 miles, give or take. And once again, my calves are insanely sore from running barefoot.]

Round 2 / Day 9: Insanity Plyometric Cardio Circuit

Today's workout was exhausting and I took more breaks than planned, but because I've completed the Plyometric Cardio Circuit workout once before, the familiar sequencing of the moves made for a less bewildering experience. And now that I've had a chance to repeat this video, I can honestly and objectively report that In-Out Abs and Ski Jumps were forged in Hell by Satan himself.

What, No Bacon On Top?

My thoughts, upon seeing this year-old photo of IHOP's Who-Cakes (a promotional tie-in from that really shitty live-action "Horton Hears a Who" movie that no one saw):

• That looks awful.
• But I kind of want to try it.
• Now, that's a breakfast my kids would actually eat.
• I wonder if they could make this with whole wheat pancakes.
• Next to the pancakes, that plate of hash browns looks really, really sad.

New Obsession

A few months ago, I was (obviously) obsessed with P90X. Now, it's barefoot running. (Don't be jealous, Insanity -- I love you, too.)

Not everyone thinks barefoot running's a good idea. (Example: Podiatrists and shoe store owners who stand to lose a chunk of business if this "fad" takes off.) And I'm certainly not qualified to say that it's for everyone. But despite the deeply sore calves I've gotten from running in my Vibram FiveFinger KSOs, I feel like a lightbulb has been turned on. I've finally stumbled upon a way to run without injuring myself.

There's a great summary of the benefits of barefoot running on the Made to Run blog, which concludes with a statement that perfectly matches my recent experiences:

From my own experience with barefoot running, I can speak to the benefits of it. For almost 2 years, I’ve had a chronic hip injury related to tight hip muscles and a tight IT Band. Despite nonstop stretching and strengthening routines given to me by sports medicine professionals, the issue has persisted. When running barefoot, however, it disappears. No pain. No discomfort. I also feel much lighter and more efficient when I run barefoot. At the end of a run, I feel little to no fatigue in my quadriceps and my hamstrings. It seems as if I require less use of them when running barefoot.

It’s not an entirely one-sided story though. I have noticed that my feet and calves get incredibly sore. After my first 4-mile run barefoot, my calves felt like they typically do after a 20-mile run in shoes. I also occasionally felt a burning sensation in the arch of my right foot. Usually it would go away after the first 2 miles, but it was concerning nonetheless.

Despite the unique soreness in my feet and calves, I viewed it as a positive experience. My feet and calves didn’t hurt because they were injured. It felt as if I was waking them up. The soreness told me that I was making them stronger and building them back to a natural state of incredible strength and dexterity. The sensations I had while running barefoot spoke to me and told me that we were made to run.

It's not just about running, by the way. I've been doing P90X and Insanity workouts in my bare feet for the past week or so, and while I have to be more careful not to drop a dumbbell on my feet, I feel great. I had some initial concerns about performing some of the crazy-intense plyometric jumps in Insanity without the cushioning provided by my cross-trainers, but I found that going barefoot naturally forces me to land just the way Tony Horton and Shaun T tell us to: softly, like a cat. My feet also feel much more stable and strong.

Now if I could only get my calves to stop aching...

One More Thing

I managed to squeeze in a short mid-day barefoot run today. Even though I was back at my desk in a flash, it felt great to get off my ass during the workday and move -- even for just 45 minutes.

Round 2 / Day 8: P90X Chest, Shoulders & Triceps + Ab Ripper X

I was about three-quarters of the way through Chest, Shoulders & Triceps this morning when my almost-five-year-old son popped his sleepy head in the garage. "Go back to bed. It's only 6:30," I wheezed. Although he made some lame excuse ("I, uh, need a Kleenex," he whined -- ignoring the fact that there's a box of tissues three inches from his bed), he left and shut the door behind him.

But my focus was gone. I knew there was a good chance my son never made it back to his room, and was now roaming the house unsupervised. But being a terrible and irresponsible father, I pushed this thought out of my head and finished my last six exercises: Plyo Push-Ups (I can now finally match Tony by doing 20 airborne versions), Slow-Mo Throws (which I remain unable to do with proper form), Front-to-Back Triceps Extensions (easy today because I used a too-light weight), One-Arm Balance Push-Ups (super wobbly today), Fly-Row-Presses (fun and challenging, as usual), and Dumbbell Cross-Body Blows. Ab Ripper X, however, would have to wait until evening, after we'd put the boys to bed.

When I stepped back into the house, my kid was standing in the hallway in his PJs, peeping around the corner at me. I have no idea how long he'd been standing there, waiting for me to wrap up my Tony-time.

Again: I am a terrible and irresponsible father.

Paula Deen Gets Hit in the Face with a Ham

For the first time ever, Paula Deen's face met a ham she didn't like.

Is this some small karmic retribution for Deen's food-related crimes against humanity?

Round 2 / Day 7: Insanity Pure Cardio

It'd be an understatement to call Pure Cardio a killer workout.

Pure Cardio begins with the same so-called "warm-up" as the one featured in Plyometric Cardio Circuit: three increasingly intense cycles of Jog, Jumping Jacks, Heismans, 1-2-3 Heismans, Butt Kicks, High Knees and Mummy Kicks -- with no breaks. By the end of this ten-minute, 21-exercise sequence, your body's feeling more than just warm.

After a few minutes of deep stretching, the actual workout begins -- but not before Shaun T lets slip that he's "worried" about having to do this workout. What the fuck? How am I supposed to be able to tackle this when Shaun T gets butterflies before attempting these exercises?

This main section of Pure Cardio is only 15 minutes in length, but it's long enough to make you want to puke. During this 15-minute period, you don't stop, and there are no breaks. You just keep busting your ass until you collapse.

There are 15 moves in this section, each of which is repeated for a full minute:

• Suicide Drills (run/jump from side to side, squatting down to touch the floor each time)
• Switch Kicks (alternating jump kicks -- sort of reminiscent of a Russian Cossack dance)
• Wide Football Sprints (sprint in place with your feet wide apart, rotating and moving from side to side and front to back, then crouching down into a scrimmage-line stance before popping up to sprint in place with high knees)
• Stance Jacks (modified jumping jacks -- you squat down and twist your core, touching one hand to the ground as you jump your feet wide apart)
• Pedals (lunge with one leg, then the other, then sprint in place)
• Hooks & Jump Rope (8 hook punches followed immediately by 4 high jumps)
• Power Jacks (modified jumping jacks -- go into a wide squat as you jump your feet wide apart)
• Level 2 Drills (starting in a standing position, drop down into plank position, do 8 push-ups and 8 run lunges, then jump up to a standing position)
• Frog Jumps (starting in a low squat with hands on the floor, jump straight up and back, with your hands up in the air -- then jump forward the same way)
• Power Knees (starting in a side lunge position and your arms over your head, bring your hands down as you perform a knee kick with your back leg -- switch sides after 30 seconds)
• Mountain Climbers (high knees performed with an upper-body climbing motion)
• Ski Down (side-to-side jumps)
• Scissor Runs (scissor your legs back and forth while swinging your arms)
• Suicide Jumps (just like burpees: from a standing position, squat down with your hands on the floor, jump back to plank, do a push up, jump your feet back to your hands, jump up again)
• Push-Up Jacks (start in a traditional push-up position, but when you transition to the down position, jump your feet wide)

At one point, Shaun T goes up to one of the trainers and asks her how she's feeling. Her response: "I wanna leave."

I wish I could say that I pushed through all 15 moves without taking a breather, but I had to sneak in a few breaks during Frog Jumps and Push-Up Jacks. Still, I wasn't alone: A bunch of the onscreen fitness models had to hit their personal "pause" buttons to catch their breath. Shaun T makes a point of walking around during some of the exercises, tapping folks and telling them to "go sit down" and rest. By the end of the workout, most of the group is on the floor, exhausted. Even Shaun T is on his back.

I'm a big fan of Pure Cardio. It's tough, and (as with the other Insanity videos) Shaun T doesn't waste time with a lot of detailed instruction or introduce any modifications. But by taking breaks and scaling down the intensity level when necessary, I'm confident anyone can get through this routine and still get an awesome cardio workout. (In fact, M is sick with a cold, and never tried any Insanity DVDs before tonight, but she managed to complete Pure Cardio about an hour ago. Have I mentioned before that my wife kicks ass?)

P90X: Taking a Chunk Out of Demi's Hip

The blogosphere has been abuzz about the image of proud P90Xer Demi Moore on the cover of the December issue of W Magazine. In the photo, a chunk of flesh appears to be missing from her hip, leading to criticisms of the incompetent Photoshopping that mangled Demi's leg:

From looking at the "original" image posted by Demi herself (on Twitter), though, it's likely that her hip wasn't retouched at all. So what, then, is responsible for Demi's misshapen (or just insanely toned and narrow) pelvis?

Could it possibly be, say, a 90-day workout program designed by a spectacularly douchey gentleman in an ugly hat?

[UPDATE: Looks like that "original" image Demi posted on Twitter wasn't that original after all. More details can be found here.]

Round 2 / Day 6: Insanity Cardio Recovery

After yesterday's double-whammy of Legs & Back (and Ab Ripper X) and a ten-mile barefoot run, it was a relief to see that I had Cardio Recovery on the schedule for this morning. A more accurate title for this DVD might be "Recovery from Cardio," as it contains absolutely no heart-rate-boosting moves whatsoever. Plus, the session's only a half-hour long, which meant I could wake up almost an hour later than usual.

I knew I would like this DVD when I saw the intro screen -- instead of showing a psycho fitness model jumping or kicking with gusto, the featured shot is of a guy who's doubled over in pain. I can't tell, though, if he's: (1) catching his breath, (2) dry heaving, or (3) trying to recover after being kicked in the balls.

More after the jump...

10 Miles

I had a chunk of free time in the middle of my workday today, so on a whim, I decided to go on a run. I changed into my running gear, pulled on my Vibram FiveFinger KSOs, and took off, following the course map for the San Francisco Waterfront 10-mile road race. It took me exactly an hour and a half to complete all ten miles, which is frustratingly slower than I used to run (with shoes), but probably okay for a beginner "barefoot" runner. In the process, I got to tour parts of the city I don't ordinarily visit -- while also thoroughly shredding my calves. It was awesome.

Less awesome was the ravenous hunger I felt upon finishing the run. I darted into the little market across the street from my office and grabbed a Clif Bar, a banana and a Vitamin Water; once outside, I tore open all the shit with my teeth and devoured everything in a Cookie-Monster-like frenzy. After a quick shower at the gym, I limped back to work for my afternoon meetings.

I may be nuts, but I can't wait to do this again.

Round 2 / Day 5: P90X Legs & Back + Ab Ripper X

After yesterday's barefoot-run-plus-Insanity stupidity, I knew my legs were in for a world of hurt today. So I popped in the X Stretch DVD last night and devoted an hour to various body contortions in a futile attempt to stave off the impending soreness. (Yes, I've read that stretching actually doesn't do shit, but it felt good.)

When I rolled out of bed at 5:30 a.m., my legs felt like they were in casts. The simple act of bending my knees was less than fun. But by the time I robotically shuffled into the kitchen and gobbled down my supplements and some yogurt, I felt better. And after following along with Tony's slooooow, familiar stretching routine preceding Legs & Back (such a fucking relief after experiencing Shaun T's supersonic-speed "warm-ups"), my legs actually felt halfway decent. My calves still ached a bit, but otherwise, I was ready to go.

Weirdly enough, I enjoyed Legs & Back today. I used to dread this routine; I hated the pull-ups and wall squats and Dreya Weber's super-maximum-kiss-ass-iness. But having now completed a full round of P90X, I don't feel the need to beat myself up about my occasional inability to match my previous week's rep count, or the fact that I need to take an occasional break. Given that my goal now is to simply maintain my current fitness level, I can dial myself back to 9 or 9.5 without feeling (too) guilty. And I know this is going to sound bizarre to those who are just starting P90X and struggling with pull-ups, but now that I know how many I can crank out, they're getting to be kind of fun.

I still hate doing Bicycles during Ab Ripper X, though.

Popcorn, I Thought I Knew You

With two young kids, I don't often go out to the movies these days. But if I did, I'd be sorely tempted to hit the concession stand and buy an overpriced tub of popcorn to nurse through the film. And why not? Popcorn's healthy -- right?

Not the kind sold in movie theaters. According to news reports, one study has found "an alarming amount of fat, salt and calories in even the smallest sizes" of popcorn buckets purchased by moviegoers:

A large tub of popcorn at Regal Cinemas, for example, holds 20 cups of popcorn and has 1,200 calories, 980 milligrams of sodium and 60 grams of saturated fat. Adding just a tablespoon of butter adds 130 calories. And do not forget that it comes with free refills.

Not so hungry? The medium size popcorn, which comes in a bag, contains the same amount as the large. And even the small, at 11 cups, delivers 670 calories, 550 milligrams of sodium and 24 grams of saturated fat.

In fact, "[a] medium-sized popcorn and medium soda at the nation's largest movie chain pack the nutritional equivalent of three Quarter Pounders topped with 12 pats of butter."

(Still, if I weren't such a freakish health nut now, I think I'd be kind of excited to learn that the medium- and large-sized popcorn tubs contain the same amount of greasy grub. Bargain!)

Adriana Falcon is Insanely Awesome

I know it's too early to start picking my favorite Insanity workout trainers, but after watching her on the Cardio Power & Resistance DVD, I've decided that Adriana Falcon is all kinds of crazy awesome.

I mean, how many other onscreen fitness models have you seen hock a massive loogie onto the polished wood floor of an indoor high school gymnasium, and then use her hand to wipe the remaining string of drool from her hair before flinging it off?

And when Shaun T kneels beside her and says, "Tell me how you're feeling," how many other fitness models would respond with: "I FEEL LIKE SHIT"? (Beachbody bleeped it out, but it doesn't take a lip reader to figure out what she said.)

I rest my case: Adriana is super fucking awesome.

Round 2 / Day 4: Insanity Cardio Power & Resistance

I was dumb to think that I'd have enough energy to give 100 percent to my Insanity workout this morning after a 40-minute barefoot run. (As one particularly nasty opposing counsel in one of my old cases once wrote in a letter: "You must have overdosed on your stupid pills this morning.") Although I'm running much more slowly and carefully than I typically do in big-ass running shoes, I did attempt to increase my turnover speed, which tired me out. Plus, it's (unsurprisingly) a lot more difficult to run in the dark, frigid cold of the San Francisco Bay Area than in the wet heat of Hawaii. When my calves began to ache, I packed it up and headed home.

When I headed into my garage to pop in the Insanity Cardio Power & Resistance DVD, I actually felt pretty decent: Not too tired, kind of exhilarated, a little nervous.

But then the workout started, and once again, it was a punch to the gut.

Details after the jump.

Overdoing It

Remind me to never again run 4.5 miles barefoot immediately before attempting an Insanity workout.

(I'll post about my morning Insanity Cardio Power & Resistance session later today. Too damn tired and hungry right now.)

It's Gotta Be The Shoes

(Source: Running Quest)

Round 2 / Day 3: P90X Shoulders & Arms + Ab Ripper X

"Squeeze that thang! SQUEEZE THAT THANG! I wanna see the VEINS pop out of that THANG!"

Ah, Tony. I've missed you and your double entendres.

I didn't break a sweat this morning, but it's not that my arms and core didn't get blasted by Shoulders & Arms and Ab Ripper X. (The two sets of Deep Swimmer's Presses certainly were no cakewalk.) It's because this time of year, our garage gets icy cold in the early a.m. hours, and I feel like I'm exercising inside a walk-in fridge.

Running Quest

I dropped by Zombie Runner after work this evening to pick up another pair of Vibram FiveFinger KSOs (the black ones -- finally in stock in my size!), and while chatting with the salespeople, I asked if they could refer me to any resources on barefoot running. They gave me a list of websites to visit, and one of my favorites (so far) is Running Quest, a blog by Clynton Taylor, a runner who recently took up barefoot running after back surgery(!). If you're curious at all about barefoot running, I highly recommend checking out Clynton's informative, well-written posts. I, for one, am inspired.

How About Some Snake Oil?

M and I stumbled upon the infomercial for the Ab Circle Pro the other night and had a good laugh. Although the commercial itself is slickly produced -- it even features CGI! -- its claims are ridiculously overstated. "Lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks GUARANTEED!" in "just 3 minutes a day!" the announcer shouts.

Really? All I have to do is move my knees from side to side for a grand total of less than 45 minutes over a two-week span and I'll shed ten pounds? 

Yes -- or so the infomercial would have you believe. After all, the Ab Circle Pro uses "Circle Force Technology" to "burn fat faster than a treadmill!" And how do we know this? Because the infomercial deploys thermal fucking imaging to demonstrate that a guy on the Ab Circle Pro glows orangey-red, while a guy on a treadmill only emits a dim, green hue. That's how, motherfuckers!

Regardless of well-reasoned, critical reviews (and good old fashioned common sense), people are evidently shelling out big bucks for this contraption.
And the Ab Circle Pro isn't the only offender. There are tons of fitness infomercials promising effortless, miraculous results ("Melt the pounds off in just 10 minutes a day -- without breaking a sweat!"). According to this site -- which offers reviews of numerous fitness products sold via infomercial -- most of this stuff is utter crap.

(The site does indicate that P90X is one of the better products offered by direct marketers, along with ChaLEAN Extreme -- but it's because these programs don't promise effortless, overnight changes in body composition and fitness level. Unless you're willing to throw yourselves into your workouts with intensity and commitment, you won't see the results shown on the infomercials.)

God, I can't wait until the site reviews Shake Weights.

Round 2 / Day 2: Insanity Plyometric Cardio Circuit

Based on this morning's workout, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if I ended up hospitalized sometime during my attempt to complete Insanity.

Plyometric Cardio Circuit starts with a bang. You start with a quick series of brisk jogging in place, jumping jacks, Heisman plyo moves, then some Heisman 1-2-3s (similar to the P90X Plyo Heismans with high knees, but faster), butt kicks, high knees, and mummy kicks. The sequence is repeated three times, and Shaun T demands that you push harder and faster with each iteration. After 10 minutes of this, we get a 30-second water break. At this point, I felt pretty good, until I was reminded that this was only the warm-up.

More after the jump...

Round 2 / Day 1: P90X Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

Here we go again.

After my first Tony-free week in months, I was actually looking forward to jumping back into P90X. But that was before I realized the challenges awaiting me this morning. For starters, my body -- not yet adjusted back to being in California -- wasn't happy about being dragged out of bed at 3:45 a.m. Hawaii time. Also, after having spent a week in humid, 80 degree weather, the crisp chill of my garage made me wince. And when I finally popped in the Chest & Back DVD and started exercising, I realized that I couldn't quite crank out the same number of reps that I did just a few weeks before. Ab Ripper X was no walk in the park, either. I still managed to do respectably, but all in all, this morning's workout was a bit frustrating and humbling.

And I anticipate an even more humbling experience tomorrow, when I get my ass handed to me by Shaun T. I still shudder when I think about the Insanity fit test. Yeesh.

The Next Phase: P90X / Insanity Hybrid

So here's my plan:

Starting tomorrow, I'm starting my second round of P90X -- only I'm going to sub in Insanity DVDs on the second, fourth, and sixth days of the week (in place of Plyo, Yoga X and Kenpo X respectively). On my rest day, I'll either do Yoga X or X Stretch.

Let's see how long I can keep this up.

Vacation: Soreness

My calves are more sore than I'd anticipated. Serves me right for not heeding advice to start with very short distances when first attempting to run barefoot.

Thankfully, my ass is going to remain planted in an airline seat today.

Vacation: Barefoot Running

I ran "barefoot" for almost 9 miles in my super-fugly Vibram FiveFingers KSOs today. (I've previously written about my other pair of FiveFingers -- the Sprint -- here, and you can read reviews of them here and here.) The Ka'anapali beachfront was beautiful today, and it was oddly relaxing to get out there and just...go.

I'd never attempted to run this distance in nothing more than what amounts to a pair of socks with a thin rubber sole, but my feet were surprisingly comfortable throughout (except for during a one-mile stretch of rock-strewn dirt trail). Afterwards, I chucked off my KSOs to check out my feet; the undersides were pink, but not blistered or particularly sensitive to the touch. My right knee, which has plagued me for years, didn't bother me at all, and I was shin-splint-free. And thanks to P90X, I wasn't winded or even tired after running over an hour.

Despite having been a fairly regular runner in years past, I still know next to nothing about the "barefoot running" movement. But I've been reading about it in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and on websites like runBARE, and based on my experiences this week, I'm seriously considering adding barefoot running to my fitness routine.

(But is it crazy to do a combination of P90X, Insanity and barefoot running all at once?)

Vacation: A Little Bit of Everything (Except Kenpo X)

For a quick-and-dirty, mix-and-match, do-it-yourself workout, the P90X Fitness Guide is a good place to get started. I used it to put together a one-hour, full-body exercise routine today, which consisted of several exercises from each P90X DVD (except Kenpo X, of which I think you all know my opinion):

• Runner's Pose
• Chair Salutations with Prayer Twist
• Balance Lunges
• Wide Grip Pull-Ups (there's no pull-up bar in the fitness center here, so I actually did these on a lat pull-down machine)
• Decline Push-Ups
• Squat Reach Jumps
• Alternating Shoulder Presses
• Side Hip Raises
• Reverse Grip Pull-Ups (again, done on a lat pull-down machine)
• Diamond Push-Ups
• Run Stance Squats
• Corkscrew Curls
• Step Back Lunges
• Heavy Pants
• Plyo Push-Ups
• Jump Knee Tucks
• Squat X-Presses
• Lawnmowers
• Side-to-Side Push-Ups
• Run Squat 180 Jump Switches
• Chair Dips
• Calf Raises
• Elbows-Out Lawnmowers
• Steam Engines
• Towel Hoppers
• Oblique V-Ups
• Mason Twists

I'll probably just go on a nice, long run tomorrow. It's our last day on Maui, and I don't want to spend it indoors. We're going to be leaving just in time, too -- it appears that the Flyin' Hawaiian, Shane Victorino of the 2009 World Series-losing Phillies, is getting married tomorrow, and his wedding party is staying at our resort. M tells me that Jon Gosselin's attending the wedding, so this place is bound to be crawling with douchebags soon.

Pay it Forward

Here's a free, lower-intensity workout that Beachbody released to promote Tony Horton's "One-on-One" series. It's called "Pay it Forward" -- either because you're supposed to forward this workout to someone in desperate need of a healthier lifestyle, or because Haley Joel Osment gets stabbed to death at the end of this video.

Vacation: Running (Again)

The fitness center was packed again this morning with folks trying to work off their second helpings of kalua pig and macaroni salad, so I took off for another run. After about 45 minutes, I noticed that the inside edge of left my shoe insert (which I'd carefully picked out for its overpronation-negating arch support) was chafing my foot and causing a blister. I took off my shoes, chucked the inserts, and kept running -- with no knee aches or issues. I only ran for an hour and a half today, but I felt like I could have kept going for hours. (It helps to have jaw-dropping beachfront at which to gaze while trotting along.)

I know I just wrote about this yesterday, but I'm already a convert to the low-impact running techniques espoused in "Born to Run" and "Chi Running."

Here are the basics: While running, keep your back straight and lower abdominals tight, keeping your pelvis level and upper body slightly forward. Every time your foot hits the ground, your shoulder, hip bones and ankle should be in a straight line, so that your weight is supported by your frame, not your muscles. Don't let your heels strike the ground first; instead, let the balls of your feet land softly with your knees under your pelvis, and flick your feet freely back towards your butt. To go faster, lean your upper body ahead a bit more.

Running is fun, but after just a few days, I already miss resistance training. Tomorrow: Back to the fitness center -- crowd be damned.

Chocolate Milk is Good for You

Remember how I said that chocolate milk is the perfect post-workout recovery drink?

The New York Times recently reported about a new study showing even more health benefits derived from regular consumption of chocolate milk. The study found that "skim milk with flavonoid-rich cocoa may reduce inflammation, potentially slowing or preventing development of atherosclerosis."

“Since atherosclerosis is a low-grade inflammatory disease of the arteries, regular cocoa intake seems to prevent or reduce” it, said Dr. Ramón Estruch of the University of Barcelona, the paper’s senior author, adding that more studies were needed.

Also?

Participants also had significantly higher levels of good HDL cholesterol after completing the chocolate milk regimen, according to the study, which appears in the November issue of The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition and is already online.

Seriously, folks -- it's time to ditch Beachbody's overpriced P90X Recovery Drink in favor of cheap, tasty chocolate milk.

[UPDATED: On second thought...]

Can the Wii Fit Get You in Shape?

"Training is at the core of Wii Fit Plus. You can spend as much (or as little) time as you want trying out all of the 60+ activities Wii Fit Plus offers, all designed to help you work towards a more fit you." - Nintendo's Wii Fit Website

I'll confess that when the Nintendo Wii Fit exercise video game system hit the market a couple of years ago, I considered buying it. Having fiddled around with Wii Fit at friends' and relatives' homes, I knew it was a moderately fun diversion, albeit in a cheesy, "hey-look-it's-the-modern-techy-alternative-to-Twister-and-Charades" kind of way. Ultimately, though, I decided against it; my kids were too little to enjoy it, and I -- like a lot of other people -- had a sneaking suspicion that hitting the gym was going to produce far superior results to waving a little motion-sensitive controller around in front of the TV.

Now, after about 20 million copies of Wii Fit have been sold, the American Council on Exercise (ACE) finally issued findings from two University of Wisconsin studies examining the purported benefits of Nintendo's Wii Fit system. The conclusions?

Find out after the jump.

Check It Out: Born to Run

I recently read Christopher McDougall's "Born to Run," a firsthand nonfiction account of a 50-mile race pitting elite American ultramarathoners against the "Running People" -- the Tarahumara Indians in the Copper Canyons of Mexico -- a tribe renowned for running with great speed over incredible distances in nothing more than thin-soled handmade sandals. The New York Times recently wrote about the book's central theses that (1) running is core to the path that human evolution took, and (2) therefore, it does not pose serious risk of injury if done properly:

“The sense of distance running being crazy is something new to late-20th-century America,” Mr. McDougall told me. “It’s only recently that running has become associated with pain and injury.”

The scientific evidence supports the notion that humans evolved to be runners. In a 2007 paper in the journal Sports Medicine, Daniel E. Lieberman, a Harvard evolutionary biologist, and Dennis M. Bramble, a biologist at the University of Utah, wrote that several characteristics unique to humans suggested endurance running played an important role in our evolution.

Most mammals can sprint faster than humans — having four legs gives them the advantage. But when it comes to long distances, humans can outrun almost any animal. Because we cool by sweating rather than panting, we can stay cool at speeds and distances that would overheat other animals. On a hot day, the two scientists wrote, a human could even outrun a horse in a 26.2-mile marathon.

...

So if we’re born to run, why are runners so often injured? A combination of factors is likely to play a role, experts say. Exercise early in life can affect the development of tendons and muscles, but many people don’t start running until adulthood, so their bodies may not be as well developed for distance. Running on only artificial surfaces and in high-tech shoes can change the biomechanics of running, increasing the risks of injury.

What’s the solution? Slower, easier training over a long period would most likely help; so would brief walk breaks, which mimic the behavior of the persistence hunter. And running on a variety of surfaces and in simpler shoes with less cushioning can restore natural running form.

(Despite my antiseptic write-up here, "Born to Run" presents a suspenseful tale and is a fun, exciting read, filled with bizarre characters and fascinating asides. Even if you're skeptical about McDougall's conclusions, I recommend it highly.)

After yesterday's flirtation with running, and given that I was too sore today for any resistance exercises, I decided to just go out and run, using the techniques McDougall described in his book (which are very similar to those detailed in "Chi Running," another terrific running book I read a few years ago).

I borrowed M's iPod, put on some music, and took off. I ran up the Ka'anapali beachfront path north to Honokowai, past a busy farmer's market and a bunch of tired looking resorts, and then turned around and headed back south for a few miles, criss-crossing more resorts, the beach, a golf course and a bunch of hotels.

After about an hour and fifteen minutes, I realized I wasn't tired or even out of breath. And although I've been a severe overpronator for as long as I can remember, my bothersome right knee didn't ache in the slightest. This isn't to say I didn't break a sweat -- I ran at a fairly brisk pace, and my perspiration was heavy enough to drown an unfortunate bug that landed on my shoulder. Even when I used to regularly run, I never ran eight miles on a hot day without feeling at least a little winded. But today, I felt like I could have easily kept going -- except for the fact that I had to head back to the resort to take the kids to the pool.

(By the way, when I say "take the kids to the pool," I literally mean "take my two boys to the kiddie pool to splash around and play on the waterslide" -- not "take a huge dump.")

Perhaps it's P90X that's responsible for getting me to the point where I feel like I can run forever, or maybe it's the new running technique. It's likely both. But whatever the reason, I'm just glad to be running again without pain.

The Tapeworm Diet

Leave it to Tyra Banks to tackle all of the tough diet questions you've been pondering, like:

Should I lose weight by: (1) dieting sensibly and exercising, or (2) ingesting a tapeworm egg pulled out of a cow, allowing the parasite to absorb the calories from the food I eat while it grows to about 50 feet in length inside my intestines (and possibly causing abdominal pain, diarrhea, and seizures), and then taking a series of antibiotics so I can murder the tapeworm and shit the fucking thing out?

Decisions, decisions.

Vacation: P90X Mix & Match

The fitness center at our resort is small and crowded in the mornings, and I knew it'd be difficult to pull off a full-on Plyo session, let alone an Insanity workout. So today, I pulled out my P90X Fitness Guide and decided to pull different moves from various routines, Vegas buffet-style. I ended up cobbling together a fairly rigorous, 15-exercise series consisting of:

• Stacked Hand Staggered Foot Push-Ups
• Squat Reach Jumps
• Bicep Curls
• Plyo Push-Ups
• Run Stance Squats
• Squat X-Presses
• Side Hip Raises
• Sphinx Push-Ups
• Jump Knee Tucks
• Lawnmowers
• Prison Cell Push-Ups
• Squat Jacks
• Push-Ups with Side Arm Balances
• Run Squat 180 Jump Switches
• Hammer Curls

Sounds like a lot, but I tried to limit my breaks, so the entire workout took only half an hour (including warm-up). Today, I noticed some bewildered looks from the folks on the treadmills and elliptical trainers when I started doing Jump Knee Tucks, and again when I started huffing and puffing during Prison Cell Push-Ups. It was a little embarrassing, and I knew I was done when the mirror in front of me started fogging up from the heat emanating from me. I'm pretty sure I was getting the "yuck" look from some of the people who were reading the latest issue of "Newsweek" while chilling on the recumbent bikes.

I'd intended to stick around to wait for one of the cardio machines to become available after my workout, but decided instead to take advantage of the gorgeous weather and run a few miles along the beach in Ka'anapali. The ocean was bright blue and the morning breeze felt great. I cheerily offered a "good morning" to everyone I passed, though only about a fifth of the people returned the salutation. Lots of people were out and about: snorkelers heading for the water, an outdoor yoga class, a bunch of morning golfers, a passel of smiling runners, and more than a few grumpy-looking walkers in sparkling white tennis shoes, clutching shiny new plastic water bottles.

My favorite moment: Running past an open-air tour bus packed with sightseers while the Hawaiian tour guide yelled into his microphone: "Aloha, my running bruthah!"

I'd forgotten how much I like running. Bad knee or no, I really ought to take it up again.

Vacation: Chest, Shoulders & Triceps

Just because I'm vacationing in Maui doesn't mean I'm content to sit on my ass all week.

After a morning of swimming with the kids and lazing around, I wrote down all the P90X Chest, Shoulders & Triceps moves and headed to the hotel's fitness center to approximate the workout as best I could.

Pros: No Tony, and I could work out at my own pace.

Cons: The fitness center didn't have a complete set of dumbbells, and I felt kind of stupid doing Plyo Push-Ups in front of other people. The soothing spa music piped into the gym didn't help. And to be perfectly honest, I kind of missed the distractingly cheesy entertainment offered (in spades) by Tony.

Don't Lie to Phil

If you ever run into Muscular Attorney Phil, don't try to pull one over on him. Don't lie and say that you think Tony's jokes are funny, or that Dreya doesn't bug the hell out of you. If there's one thing Phil can spot, it's a damn dirty liar.

You see, for about as long as he's been doing P90X, Phillip R. Maltin has been traveling up and down the West Coast delivering presentations on identifying and exposing liars. And you know he could probably crush your lying face with his gigantic arms without breaking a sweat. So stay on his good side and go friend him on Facebook.

(More Phil-related awesomeness: According to his law firm bio, Phil graduated from Chico State in 1984, just three years before it was named the Number One Party School in the United States by Playboy Magazine.  And while I know none of you care, he's an employment law attorney in California -- just like me! -- which means, of course, that my choice of career has been totally validated.)

P90X Review: Round 1 Wrap-Up

Now that I've completed a full round of P90X, I feel qualified (albeit just barely) to offer up some observations to those of you who haven't tried it yet.

Tony's a Total Douchebag, But P90X Works.

Granted, Tony Horton is an acquired taste. Douchebags are, after all, not known for their deliciousness. Nonetheless, he deserves a lot of credit for developing an incredibly effective home fitness program.

In just three months, I've gone from totally jelly-like to almost not jelly-like at all. My eating habits have dramatically improved, and I'm sleeping more and better (albeit mostly because I'm now exhausted from waking up at an ungodly hour to exercise). I'm able to crank out more pull-ups and push-ups than ever before. Pre-P90X, balance and flexibility were utterly foreign concepts to me, but now, I can rest my forehead on my knees while performing seated straight-leg hamstring stretches, and I can maintain moderately difficult yoga poses without toppling over. Physically, I'm in the best shape of my life (up to this point, anyway).

More after the jump...

The Insanity Fit Test

Holyfuckingshit.

Perhaps it's because my level of cardio fitness is crap, but the Insanity fit test is several orders of magnitude more difficult than anything -- ANYTHING -- I did on P90X.

Wielding a stopwatch, Shaun T marches you through the eight fit test exercises like a friendly, encouraging drill instructor, while two of his trainees, Tania and Chris, perform all of the moves along with you. The fit test itself is just 25 minutes long. Sounds easy enough, right?

Wrong. First of all, Chris and Tania (especially Tania) are -- in Shaun T's words, "MACHINES." They hustle like squirrels on speed, popping up after each set of exercises to flash their big fucking smiles. And the moves themselves aren't just insane -- they're IN-FUCKING-SANE. You're asked to perform each of them as many times you can in one minute, with good form.

Shaun T begins with a 2-minute warm-up: You jog, do jumping jacks, Heismans, butt kicks, high knees, mummy kicks -- nothing terribly difficult if you're used to doing P90X Plyo, but then again, this is just the warm-up.

Afterwards, there's a quick stretch, and then Shaun T turns to Tania and Chris -- both of whom have already completed a round of Insanity -- and leads them through the fit test exercises. After each move, they announce how many reps they cranked out, along with how many they originally did when they first took the fit test pre-Insanity.

I can be pretty competitive, so my goal -- however unreasonable it may have been -- was to try to kick Tania's and Chris' asses. And during the first few moves, I was feeling pretty damn good about myself; I was keeping up with Tania and Chris, and even beating them in reps in a few of the exercises. But three-quarters of the way through the fit test, my chest started hurting. And then both of my thighs cramped up. I could barely stand, and had to pause the DVD to catch my breath. I threw up a little bit of yogurt and banana in my mouth. After a three-minute break, I finished the finished the fit test, but I feel more battered than I ever did after a P90X routine.

After the jump, see how I fared on the Insanity fit test.

Pam the Blam Wants to Be Your Coach!

As you know, I've talked enough smack about Beachbody that there's no chance in hell I would ever pass the approval process to become an independent Beachbody coach.

Still, I know a lot of you are eying P90X products, equipment and supplements. And if you're going to open up your wallet to order a bucket of Shakeology or whatever, you might as well buy the stuff from an awesome, committed Beachbody coach. Plus, a good Beachbody coach (as opposed to the vast sea of do-nothing coaches out there) can offer training advice, encouragement and inspiration -- all critical elements to a successful workout program.

Who better, then, to guide you through your fitness journey than one of the original P90X superstars, Pam the Blam? She's a newly-minted Beachbody coach, and is putting out the welcome mat for all who are interested in her free coaching services. Plus, when you buy Beachbody products through Pam, a portion of the proceeds will go to the non-profit headed up by Scott Fifer. After having read all about Pam, I'm you already feel like you know her, so why not take the plunge?

By the way, Pam didn't ask me to say this, but if you were already assigned a coach by TeamBeachbody.com and want to switch, I've read that you can let Beachbody know by emailing them with your name and screen name, as well as Pam's name (Pamela Moore) and her screen name, "pamtheblam."

Here's what Pam has to say:

Thanks to blogger extraordinaire Fitbomb for letting me make this announcement.

It's Pam the Blam and I finally decided to become a Beachbody Coach! Before now, I was otherwise busy living life and couldn’t give 100% but I’m here now. It’s clear that Beachbody is genuinely committed to helping improve lives and I'm also passionate about helping people make changes for the better. The genius combination of physical fitness, the possibility of financial security and helping others as I reach toward my goals is too great an opportunity to let pass. And since it's important that I contribute to a higher purpose, keep in mind that when you purchase Beachbody products through me, you’ll also be supporting the GO Campaign (started by P90xer Scott Fifer). Be well and do good!!

If you want to talk about your challenges and triumphs, become a Coach or just say “Hello” - shoot me an email by clicking “Contact Me!” on my Beachbody homepage.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Why Do I Always Blog About Douchebags?

The fact that Jon Gosselin's doing yoga kind of makes me never want to do yoga again.

Post-Day 90 Fit Test Results

My pre-P90X fit test results (the ones I remembered to write down, anyway) were as follows:

Pull-ups: 7

Vertical leap: 20 inches

Push ups: 45

Toe Touch: +2 inches

Wall Squat: 2 minutes, 30 seconds

Bicep Curls w/Dumbbells: 13 reps @ 30 pounds

In & Outs: 25

Now, one day after finishing my first round of P90X, my results are:

Pull-ups: 18

Vertical leap: 21 inches

Push ups: 100

Toe Touch: +5 inches

Wall Squat: 3 minutes, 39 seconds

Bicep Curls w/Dumbbells: 33 reps @ 30 pounds

In & Outs: 77

My vertical leap didn't change much, but I'm pretty happy with my other numbers. I hope to God, though, that I'll never again have to perform 100 push-ups in a single set. My arms feel like they're going to fall off, and I already know I'm going to have trouble brushing my teeth and combing my hair tomorrow.

Day 90 Photos

Today's the day: P90X graduation day photos!

(Click on the image above for full resolution)

First, given that I posted just yesterday about photo fakery, I feel obligated to provide the following disclaimer: The dim lighting in the front profile shot (due to the camera flash not firing) makes me look more ripped than I actually am. (You can tell the difference when you compare the above photo against one taken with the flash on.) And yes, I'm totally sucking in my gut.

Still, thanks to P90X, I'm certainly in better shape than I was just 90 days ago, when I looked like I was wearing a sweater:

(Click on the image above for full resolution)

For side-by-side progressive comparisons with my Day 1, Day 30 and Day 60 photos, click here and here.

So that's it. Please rest assured that I have no plans to further embarrass my family and friends by posting any more shirtless photos of myself.

[UPDATED: Well, a year later, I was persuaded to put up one more photo to show that I haven't become Jabba the Hutt despite my high-fat caveman diet and dialing back my workouts to just three brief CrossFit sessions per week.]

Day 90: Yoga X

Not even Twisting Half Moon could stop me -- I'M DONE!!!

Slow Down, Big Boy

I'm a notoriously fast eater. Once, at a ballgame, I downed an entire bratwurst with all the fixings before my buddy had a chance to take even one bite out of his hot dog. "You're like a snake," he told me. "You unhinged your jaw and swallowed it whole."

But now, there's a study that indicates that I'm not doing myself any favors by speed-shoveling food into my mouth. Greek scientists examined appetite-reducing hormones by conducting an experiment: Participants in a test group were each given the same amount of ice cream. One group of individuals was instructed to down the dessert in five minutes or less, while the other was given half an hour to eat. Everyone's hormone levels were tested before, during, and after they ate the ice cream. In the group that quickly gobbled up their dessert, the researchers didn't find the release of appetite-reducing hormones. These people didn't feel full after stuffing themselves with ice cream.

"Eating at a physiologically moderate pace leads to a more pronounced anorexigenic gut peptide [appetite reduction] response than eating very fast," concluded the scientists.

The notion that eating quickly leads to weight gain used to be considered "an old wives' tale," the researchers say, but their study suggests there is some truth to it.

"Our findings give some insight into an aspect of modern-day food overconsumption, namely the fact that many people, pressed by demanding working and living conditions, eat faster and in greater amounts than in the past," Kokkinos says in the news release. "The warning we were given as children that 'wolfing down your food will make you fat' may in fact have a physiological explanation."

I guess my days of unhinging my jaw to quickly swallow live animals are over.

How to Fake "Before" & "After" Photos

"Bigger, Stronger, Faster," an excellent documentary about the use of anabolic steroids, features a segment in which a professional photographer demonstrates how "before" and "after" photos can be faked by companies that sell fitness products and supplements:



The Las Vegas Weekly also recently wrote about how to fake before-and-after photos.

I'm not suggesting that Beachbody engages in Photoshop trickery. I'm pretty confident that the photos of "real people" featured in P90X ads are real (though, as Begin to Dig has pointed out, the company may use more dramatic lighting and slimming poses to further enhance P90X grads' legitimately ripped physiques in some of the "after" shots).

But the next time someone trots out "before" and "after" photos to try to get you to buy something, be skeptical. And if you catch the fakery, kick 'em in the balls for me.