Wednesday's Workout

When I drove up to my CrossFit gym for my morning workout, it was still dark. Looking back, I probably should have stayed in bed.

Today's torture:

5-5-5-3-3-3 Front Squats (I'm continuing to work on my form, so I'm still just shy of lifting the equivalent of my bodyweight)



4 rounds (for time) of:

400-meter Cradle Carry (run 400 meters while lugging a 45-pound weight plate)
15 pull-ups

It took me almost 20 minutes to finish all four rounds -- much of which was spent trying to: (1) catch my breath, and (2) get the feeling back in my arms.

When I got home, M was just starting her ChaLEAN Extreme workout, so I popped the Insanity Plyometric Cardio Circuit DVD in the player and did that, too. Bad idea. By the end of Shaun T's 40-minute beat-down, I was dead tired, and it wasn't even 7 a.m. yet.

Round 3 / Day 92: P90X+ Total Body Plus + ChaLEAN Extreme Dynamic Flow Yoga

Total Body Plus offers a ton of variety, but -- true to form -- I've found a nit to pick: Many of the names Tony assigns to the exercises are totally non-descriptive, and he doesn't bother to give detailed instruction. If you've never encountered this workout before, chances are you have no idea what Tony's talking about when he tells you to crank out sets of "O-Crunch Push-Ups," "Chuck-Up Xs," "Bella Twists," and "Kid Plays." Even more confusingly, the "Plyo Push-Ups" in Total Body Plus are totally different from (and much easier than) the ones Tony does in P90X Chest, Shoulders & Triceps. Since I only dust off this workout once every month or so, I find myself frequently stopping just to watch the video to figure out how to actually perform a "Lara Lunge Crunch," and to ponder whether Tony's reaching too deep into his bag of tricks in an attempt to keep things interesting. Who's Bella? And Chuck? And Lara?

I don't need oddly-named exercise variations in order to stave off boredom. This evening, in the aftermath of a too-big barbecue dinner, I joined M as she did the Dynamic Flow Yoga routine that came in her ChaLEAN Extreme Deluxe Upgrade Package. We each strapped on a pair of hand weights and started doing Vinyasas and Warrior poses, and pretty soon, I was sweatier than Ed Asner in a sauna. It was a great change of pace -- and I appreciated the fact that Chalene Johnson didn't go out and name a bunch of moves after her mailman and her next-door-neighbor's ex-boyfriend.

Round 3 / Day 71: P90X+ Upper Body Plus + Abs / Core Plus (+ ChaLEAN Extreme - I've Got Abs!)

I struggled a little bit during my morning session of Upper Plus. Every time I cycle off of a Recovery Week, I come back feeling a little...off. This was most evident in my pull-up sets -- I petered out much sooner than I expected. After finishing the workout, I decided to take a raincheck on Abs / Core Plus.

But feeling guilty, I decided to knock off Abs / Core Plus tonight, after the kids had gone to bed. I felt much better this evening; not only did I find Abs / Core Plus to be less than challenging (I much prefer Killer Abs from Tony Horton's One-on-One series), I joined M as she did the "I Got Abs!" workout from Chalene Johnson's ChaLEAN Extreme program. You wouldn't know it from Chalene's exercise garb (she's clearly a Bedazzler fan) or from the cheesy name of this video, but it delivered a pretty damn decent core workout.

Insanity Fit Test (Part Deux)

I hadn't revisited the Insanity Fit Test since starting Round 2, mostly because I'm deathly afraid of it. As you might recall, I barely made it through my first attempt at the Fit Test. But now that I've completed my 90-day P90X/Insanity Hybrid, I was curious to see how much (or even if) I've improved -- before all my gains disappear with the onset of laziness and inertia.

My post-Round 2 Fit Test results, after the jump...

How About Some Snake Oil?

M and I stumbled upon the infomercial for the Ab Circle Pro the other night and had a good laugh. Although the commercial itself is slickly produced -- it even features CGI! -- its claims are ridiculously overstated. "Lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks GUARANTEED!" in "just 3 minutes a day!" the announcer shouts.

Really? All I have to do is move my knees from side to side for a grand total of less than 45 minutes over a two-week span and I'll shed ten pounds? 

Yes -- or so the infomercial would have you believe. After all, the Ab Circle Pro uses "Circle Force Technology" to "burn fat faster than a treadmill!" And how do we know this? Because the infomercial deploys thermal fucking imaging to demonstrate that a guy on the Ab Circle Pro glows orangey-red, while a guy on a treadmill only emits a dim, green hue. That's how, motherfuckers!

Regardless of well-reasoned, critical reviews (and good old fashioned common sense), people are evidently shelling out big bucks for this contraption.
And the Ab Circle Pro isn't the only offender. There are tons of fitness infomercials promising effortless, miraculous results ("Melt the pounds off in just 10 minutes a day -- without breaking a sweat!"). According to this site -- which offers reviews of numerous fitness products sold via infomercial -- most of this stuff is utter crap.

(The site does indicate that P90X is one of the better products offered by direct marketers, along with ChaLEAN Extreme -- but it's because these programs don't promise effortless, overnight changes in body composition and fitness level. Unless you're willing to throw yourselves into your workouts with intensity and commitment, you won't see the results shown on the infomercials.)

God, I can't wait until the site reviews Shake Weights.

P90X Day 87: Kenpo X

I've been wanting to abandon Kenpo X for some time now. It doesn't offer a great cardio workout, nor is it as intense as the other P90X videos. I was hoping my Insanity DVDs would arrive before today so that I could swap out Kenpo X for a total ass-kicking by Shaun T, but for reasons known only to Beachbody, my order (placed one week ago today) and extra payment for 2-day ground shipping from UPS isn't scheduled to arrive until the end of this week. Fuckers.

Anyway, M and I both did Kenpo X this morning. I'd been using 3-pound dumbells while performing the punches and jabs, but upped the weight to 5 pounds today and managed to break a sweat. I could feel the burn in my shoulders again. M, however, finished the workout and judged it to be far inferior to the cardio routines in ChaLEAN Extreme. "I would've gotten a better cardio workout if I just spent the hour doing jumping jacks and running in place," she declared.

I think she's right.

P90X Day 68: Legs & Back + Ab Ripper X

Perhaps it's only because I was trying to impress M (who was exercising on the other side of our garage), but I managed to haul myself up and over my pull-up bar more times this morning than ever before.  Sadly, my wife remained focused on her ChaLEAN Extreme video, so I'm fairly certain she failed to notice my supreme awesomeness.

Here's a Week 1 versus Week 10 comparison of how I did on the pull-ups and chin-ups in Legs & Back:

Reverse Grip Chin-Ups

Week 1 / Set 1: 10 unassisted
Week 10 / Set 1: 14 unassisted

Week 1 / Set 2: 7 unassisted, 3 assisted
Week 10 / Set 2: 10 unassisted, 3 assisted

Wide Front Pull-Ups

Week 1 / 1st Set: 5 unassisted, 10 assisted
Week 10 / 1st Set: 12 unassisted, 10 assisted

Week 1 / 2nd Set: 3 unassisted, 7 assisted
Week 10 / 2nd Set: 6 unassisted, 10 assisted

Closed Grip Overhand Pull-Ups

Week 1 / 1st Set: 5 unassisted, 10 assisted
Week 10 / 1st Set: 8 unassisted, 10 assisted

Week 1 / 2nd Set: 3 unassisted, 7 assisted
Week 10 / 2nd Set: 6 unassisted, 10 assisted

Switch Grip Pull-Ups

Week 1 / 1st Set: 5 unassisted, 5 assisted

Week 10 / 2nd Set: 6 unassisted, 10 assisted

Week 1 / 2nd Set: 4 unassisted, 6 assisted

Week 10 / 1st Set: 8 unassisted, 8 assisted

So in total, I performed 90 pull/chin-ups (42 unassisted, 48 assisted) during Legs & Back in Week 1.  And today, I managed to complete 132 (70 unassisted, 62 assisted)!

Frankly, it's about time I upped my pull-up and chin-up numbers.  A couple of months ago, these exercises appeared to be an exciting new challenge, but recently, they've just been a source of dread.  A few weeks ago, my rep count hit a plateau and stayed there, and I soon began worrying that further improvement wasn't in the cards. 

But now, I know that progress is possible -- provided that someone's (possibly) watching.  I guess it's not unusual for people to perform better when embarassment is the alternative; that's why group exercise classes can be so effective.  For the most part, however, P90X is a solitary pursuit, so if I want to boost my performance, I may have to start working out with my garage door open, so that random passersby can shame me into ekeing out more pull-ups while their dogs defecate in our front yard.

Switching gears: When you're lying on the floor during Ab Ripper X, does your belly button remind you of an overflowing birdbath?  Because mine does.

P90X Day 43: Chest, Shoulders & Triceps + Ab Ripper X

16 fully-airborne plyo push-ups! 75 Mason twists! And I got through today's workout without collapsing on my face even once!

My pride is blunted, though, by my sucktastically unsuccessful attempts to properly perform one-handed push-ups.

But speaking of push-ups: M, who started ChaLEAN Extreme last month not able to complete a single standard (non-knee) push-up, can now crank out 7 in a row!

P90X Day 26: Core Synergistics

M and I split up our gym (a.k.a. garage) space this morning so that she could do her ChaLEAN Extreme workout on one side while I did Core Synergistics on the other. Even with two videos blaring at the same time, it wasn't hard to focus on the task at hand. After all, Core Syn demands one's full attention -- the moves come fast and furious, and are fairly complicated to boot (especially for a guy with a woefully deficient level of physical coordination).

Core Syn consists of:

• Stacked Foot/Staggered Hands Push-Ups
• Banana Rolls (mmmm, banana rolls...)
• Leaning Crescent Lunges
• Squat Runs
• Sphinx Push-Ups
• Bow-to-Boats
• Low Lateral Skaters
• Lunge & Reaches
• Prison Cell Push-Ups
• Side Hip Raises
• Squat X-Presses
• Plank to Chaturanga Runs
• Walking Push-Ups
• Superman Bananas
• Lunge Kickback Curl Presses
• Towel Hoppers
• Reach High & Under Push-Ups
• Steam Engines
• Dreya Rolls
• Plank to Chaturanga Isos
• Halfbacks
• Table Dip Leg Raises

This is a fantastic full-body workout. Near the end, when I was struggling to hold a chaturanga position, a rivulet of sweat trickled down off my forehead and formed an ever-expanding pool on the mat below my face -- a sure sign that my (sweaty) ass was thoroughly handed to me today.

Rafter Mounted Pull-Up Bar

Last night, I finally got around to installing the rafter-mounted pull-up bar I bought on Amazon. I can't believe I waited this long to get it mounted -- I love it.

The photo of the product on Amazon doesn't do it justice. The four-foot-wide bar is made of heavy gauge, knurled steel, and can be mounted on just about any wood joist. It's not fancy, but it's solid and mounts firmly with four hex bolts. It feels indestructible.



The installation was simple and straightforward, though I ended up having to make a couple of trips to Home Depot (first, to pick up longer bolts -- the ones included weren't nearly long enough to make it through the doubled-up planks where I wanted to mount the bar -- and then later, to buy the necessary 7/16" drill bit, which I mistakenly thought I already had in my toolbox). It took me a while to get the bar leveled and bolted tight, mostly because I was trying to balance on a ladder while juggling a metal bar, a level and a handful of nuts and bolts. I'm sure I would have finished much sooner if I'd asked M to help, but I didn't want to interrupt her ChaLEAN Extreme workout.

Once the bar was up, I was eager to give it a try. Unlike my removable door-frame-mounted bar or my clunky, big-ass power tower, I found the rafter-mounted bar solid enough for me to swing from it like a monkey bar. I can freely switch grips and direction, perform core exercises and twists, and even get a nice back stretch without worrying about slamming into a door frame or protruding power tower attachment. My only regret is that I spent beaucoup bucks on a bunch of other pull-up bars before landing on this solution.

P90X Day 14: Rest Day / ChaLEAN Extreme

I wasn't satisfied with the leisurely X Stretch "workout" last week, and I didn't want to just sit on my ass today, so M and I did the ChaLEAN Extreme "Burn Intervals" workout. Chalene Johnson -- the eponymous creator of the program (which, like P90X, is created and sold by Beachbody) -- takes viewers through a bunch of moves that alternate between simple cardio routines and resistance exercises with low weights/high reps. Chalene herself appears to be a peppy, athletic, ex-cheerleader Orange County mom who gets her teeth professionally whitened.

"I like Chalene," M says. "I'd want to be friends with her." But not Tony Horton: "He seems like such an ass," opines my wife.

All in all, the workout wasn't too bad -- it was on the short side, and it's clearly designed more for women than men, but I broke a sweat (when do I not?) and enjoyed the change of pace. Besides, the P90X studio resembles a dungeon, and it's nice to break out once in a while.