The Perfect Push-Up?

What's a "military push-up"? Depends on who you ask.

According to Tony Horton in P90X Chest & Back, military push-ups are performed with your elbows tucked in close against your sides, so that you end up targeting your triceps and shoulders.

But folks who've spent time in the military will tell you that Tony's version is foreign to them. (If anything, they call 'em "triceps push-ups.")

In fact, it appears that each branch of the U.S. armed forces uses different standards for push-ups. And they're pretty darn particular. Here's what the Air Force Times has to say on the subject:

[E]ach service can get a little pushy when it comes to what makes for a perfect push-up. Drop a soldier, sailor, airman and Marine for 20 and you’ll likely see four very different versions. True, the essentials are the same: Legs, back and head straight; arms bending to at least a 90-degree angle; body moving up and down as a single unit. But that’s about where the similarities end.

A Marine, for example, will always start his push-ups by lying flat on his stomach, pushing up into the starting position with a hearty shout of “Marine Corps.” Soldiers, sailors and airmen, however, will drop straight into the “front-leaning rest” position, with the body up and arms fully extended. Ever predisposed to making things more challenging, the Marines must also double dip, doing two push-ups for every one rep counted.

The Army and Air Force say feet can be up to 12 inches apart. Sailors, on the other hand, must keep them together. Soldiers must wear shoes; sailors can take them off. Soldiers can put their hands where they’re comfortable. Marines must put them directly under the shoulders. Airmen must put them out slightly wider. Sailors can place their hands anywhere between the two...

Meanwhile, the Army’s new regs for its PT test say soldiers can do push-ups on their fists (the other services can’t), but soldiers are not allowed to wear glasses (the others don’t say).

For the push-up to count, Marines must briefly touch their chests to the floor. Soldiers and airmen can if they want, but never to rest or bounce to build momentum. Again, the Navy is the strictest — a sailor’s PRT is over if his chest touches the deck.

Yes, but which service allows you to do push-ups from your knees?

(Source: Air Force Times)

Friday's Workout

Finally -- a (sort of) easy CrossFit skills workout!

At the friendly neighborhood CrossFit gym this morning, we worked on dead hang chin-ups by doing 3 sets of 5, and then 3 sets of 3. Thanks to months of chin-ups in various P90X workouts, this was a breeze. Noticing the ease with which I cranked out my first set, Coach T started adding weights. But even with a heavy dumbbell jammed into my crotch, this wasn't much of a challenge. I know the point of today's session was to develop neuromuscular connections and to master the technique, but three chin-ups per set are nothing compared with the high-rep sets in Chest & Back, Back & Biceps, and 30-15 Upper Body Massacre.

Thank you, Tony.

On the other hand, today's metcon was a killer:

• 10 ascending-rep sets (i.e., 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10) of Sumo Deadlift High Pulls

alternating with

• 10 descending-rep sets (i.e., 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1) of Barbell Thrusters

Here's what a sumo deadlift high pull looks like:



I finished in 10:54, but I barely put any weight on the barbell (75 pounds). Also, the girl in my 5 a.m. class who usually SMOKES me in metcons finished over a minute after I was done, which leads me to suspect that I miscounted my reps/sets and ended up doing less than I should have.

Or she miscounted and did too many.

Or I am awesome. Which is highly unlikely.

Maren's Into More Than Just German Potato Soup

I'm not sure how to break this to you, my fellow P90X-philes. Maren -- "German potato soup" Maren -- Maren who does pull-ups like crazy in P90X Chest & Back -- Maren who lived in Pam the Blam's apartment building -- Maren who can hold a wall squat in excess of 11 minutes -- our Maren...

Wait. I think you need to sit down first.

Okay. Ready?

Maren used to perform in hardcore porn videos.

More after the jump. (Note: Adult content ahead. Clicking the "Read More" link is work-safe, but links to material outside of this blog are not. Consider yourself warned...)

Round 3 / Day 77: P90X Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

Back to the workout that kicked off all this madness -- and while Chest & Back's not quite as challenging as it once was, it still manages to beat me into a sweaty, exhausted mess.

I'm definitely going to feel this in the morning.

Round 3 / Day 43: P90X Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

I still love Chest & Back and Ab Ripper X, but to be honest, they're starting to feel a bit too easy.

I wrote the previous sentence ten minutes ago, but still can't think of anything else to say about today's workout, so I guess I'll just end this post with a random photo.

Round 3 / Day 8: P90X Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

Back to basics: Chest & Back with Tony, Scott, Bobby and Maren. I love this video; there's nothing like a bunch of pull-ups and push-ups to give you a crazy pump and burn. Nonetheless, I'm relieved that with Round 3, I won't have to repeat Chest & Back for another month. Having already done this session twelve times in half a year, I'm looking forward to trying out some new resistance workouts.

P90X Chest & Back Review

It's time I got around to actually reviewing each of the P90X workouts, don't you think?

Let's start with Chest & Back -- right after the jump.

Round 2 / Day 78: P90X Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

When I first started P90X, I absolutely dreaded having to do Dive Bomber Push-Ups. I used to run out of gas before I was able to eke out any more than 6 or 8 of them. Now, I (almost) look forward to this move. Dive Bomber Push-Ups engage your entire upper body, and you also get a good back stretch during each rep when moving from Downward Dog all the way to Upward Dog and back. This particular push-up variation helps increase range of motion and flexibility in the hamstrings, shoulders and back -- and when it comes to flexibility, I need all the help I can get.

Plus, Dive Bombers aren't nearly as batshit crazy as some of the other exercises in P90X and Insanity. (Everything's relative, right?)

Round 2 / Day 64: P90X Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

Just for kicks, and feeling inspired by "The Naked Warrior," I decided to up my weights and lowered my reps during this morning's Chest & Back workout. For example, I chained a weight plate to my belt before doing my pull-ups, but did only five per set. Cranking up the intensity level, I actually felt like I worked harder than normal. Still, none of the moves were done to exhaustion, and at the end of the hour, I wasn't completely exhausted. I could really get used to not feeling like I'm going to pass out at the end of a P90X session.

Round 2 / Day 50: P90X Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

Sometime during my workout this morning, it dawned on me that Maren's super-awesome. She cranks out a ton of reps in Chest & Back, and she does it all with a big grin. She can hang with Tony and Fifer and Bobby Stephenson despite being half their size. And there's no question that Maren can out-P90X any one of us. (The woman can hold a wall squat for more than 11 minutes!)

Plus, there's the whole German potato soup thing. Maren kicks ass.

Round 2 / Day 29: P90X Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

I'd almost forgotten how much I enjoy this workout. After spending so much time on cardio and leg exercises, it feels great to devote an entire hour-plus workout to upper-body resistance moves and core work. And having not performed this particular workout in three weeks (or any pull-ups for an entire week), Chest & Back was a nice shock to the system.

I'm continuing to try to get through all the P90X videos without taking breaks between moves, so I struggled a bit with my pull-ups; in fact, I reached exhaustion well before I reached my usual rep counts. Still, it was fun to challenge myself anaerobically. My takeaway from today's workout: You can continue to find ways to push yourself with P90X -- even after you think you've got it all figured out.

Round 2 / Day 15: P90X Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

Tony Horton spends a lot of time talking and taking breaks.

Image Source: LCD Love

After working out with Insanity for a couple of weeks, I've noticed that Shaun T doesn't waste time with meaningless jibber-jabber. He doesn't brag about how his dad "pitched a couple of no-hitters," or ramble on about how he "loves-loves-loves" one of his workouts "until daddy takes my T-bird away." Rather, Shaun T is constantly on the move, and the vast majority of his comments involve instruction or encouragement. He hustles people back from their extremely brief water breaks -- during which he's often already demonstrating the next move. Perhaps that's why the Insanity workouts -- at least the first months' sessions -- are so much shorter than Tony's P90X workouts.

I got started a little later than usual, and had only an hour to complete both Chest & Back and Ab Ripper X before the kids got up and demanded food. But I noticed that Tony was -- as usual -- spending tons of time chit-chatting between moves. This was fine (or at least tolerable) when I was a novice P90Xer, but at this point, I know how to perform a Diamond Push-Up and a Close-Grip Pull-Up, and don't need to listen to Tony's explanations for the millionth time. Nor do I want to hear Tony boast about how he can "do hundreds of [push-ups]" but has to "check on the kids."

So I grabbed my P90X Fitness Guide and just cranked out all the exercises in Chest & Back without regard to what was happening on the TV screen. I took a few breaks, but kept them as short as possible before diving right back into the next exercise. By the time I was on my last move of the workout, Tony and gang were six exercises behind. By moving ahead and ignoring Tony's mindless prattle (and by also skipping the cool-down because it's pointless), I managed to complete Chest & Back in slightly under 40 minutes, which gave me plenty of time for Ab Ripper X.

The only negative? With little-to-no rest between exercises, I had a hard time increasing my rep counts. But in the end, it was worth not having to suffer through Tony's douchetastic verbal diarhhea.

Round 2 / Day 1: P90X Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

Here we go again.

After my first Tony-free week in months, I was actually looking forward to jumping back into P90X. But that was before I realized the challenges awaiting me this morning. For starters, my body -- not yet adjusted back to being in California -- wasn't happy about being dragged out of bed at 3:45 a.m. Hawaii time. Also, after having spent a week in humid, 80 degree weather, the crisp chill of my garage made me wince. And when I finally popped in the Chest & Back DVD and started exercising, I realized that I couldn't quite crank out the same number of reps that I did just a few weeks before. Ab Ripper X was no walk in the park, either. I still managed to do respectably, but all in all, this morning's workout was a bit frustrating and humbling.

And I anticipate an even more humbling experience tomorrow, when I get my ass handed to me by Shaun T. I still shudder when I think about the Insanity fit test. Yeesh.

Scotty Fifer Saves the World

Scott Fifer appears in just one P90X video (Chest & Back), but I curse his name every other day during Ab Ripper X. Whenever Tony maniacally announces that "IT'S TIME FOR FIFER SCISSORS," P90Xers everywhere emit a collective groan.

I've learned, however, that Mr. Fancy Blue Shoes is good at more than just scissoring his legs up and down.

For starters, as evidenced by his Class of 1979 yearbook photo, he sported an awesome Mark (Dorothy?) Hamill wedge cut in high school (though recent photos show that his Luke Skywalker hair has apparently gone MIA):

During college, he was a Senate aide to the late Ted Kennedy.  After graduation, he studied acting in New York for a year, attended law school in Boston, and toiled as an associate in a prominent (but now defunct) law firm for a number of years.

Fifer then relocated to California to become a screenwriter, penning scripts for "Beverly Hills 90210" and other television shows.  He co-wrote a bunch of award shows (including the Emmy Awards), and produced a Lifetime TV movie-of-the-week called "Twice Upon a Time" (starring Molly Ringwald and her dad).

But most impressive of all?  Fifer created and leads a prominent and respected non-profit foundation dedicated to the care of orphans and vulnerable children in other countries. According to his organization's website:

GO Campaign raises awareness and funds for those programs that would otherwise fall through the cracks, those programs which provide basic human needs to children such as shelter, food, clean water, education, medical care, vocational training, and income-generating activities.

In partnership with small grassroots organizations in the developing world, GO Campaign is currently helping children in Rwanda, Kenya, Tanzania, Malawi, Cambodia, China, Guatamala and Peru by funneling resources to programs run by local community leaders.  (To find out how you can help, visit GO Campaign's website.)

I'm still sore (literally) at Scott Fifer for inflicting pain upon my midsection three times a week, but how can I send hate mail to a guy who's done so much for underprivileged kids across the globe?

And to top it all off, he just started another round of P90X last month with Bobby Stephenson and Tony Horton, thus reuniting all the guys in the Chest & Back video.  (Maren and her German potato soup don't appear to have been invited, though, so maybe I can still muster up a bit of indignance towards Scott Fifer.)

P90X Day 71: Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

Today's Chest & Back session is my last (until/unless I start another round of P90X, anyway), so I tried my damnedest to bust my butt.  I'm happy to report that over the course of the one-hour workout, I can now perform:

• 80 Standard Push-Ups
• 39 Wide Front Pull-Ups (17 unassisted, 22 assisted)
• 45 Military Push-Ups
• 33 Reverse Grip Chin-Ups (13 unassisted, 20 assisted)
• 60 Wide Fly Push-Ups
• 30 Closed Grip Overhand Pull-ups (9 unassisted, 21 assisted)
• 45 Decline Push-Ups
• 24 Heavy Pants (using two 35-pound dumbbells)
• 40 Diamond Push-Ups
• 25 Lawnmowers (using 40-pound dumbbells)
• 22 Dive Bomber Push-Ups
• 30 Back Flys (using 20-pound dumbbells)

Not too shabby for a guy who couldn't do a single Diamond Push-Up on Day 1, though I'd like to think I could still improve if I were to stick with P90X after my first 90 days are up.  (Not sure if I'll be able to muster up the commitment to start all over again, though.)

P90X Day 57: Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

This workout seriously fucked me up today.  I expected the start of Phase 3 to be tough, but I also thought I'd mastered Chest & Back by the end of Phase 1.  Clearly, I was delusional.  Before this morning, I'd started to miss Scott Fifer and Maren S. (of "German potato soup!" fame), but after today's excruciating Chest & Back session, I'm relieved that I'll only see them one more time before my 90 days are done.

The good news?  On just about every exercise (standard push-ups, wide-grip pull-ups, military push-ups, reverse-grip chin-ups, etc.), I increased my reps.  And although I was terrible at Diamond Push-Ups during Phase 1 (I did a lot of them from my knees), I cranked out both sets today with good, clean form.

But sadly, there's more bad news than good.  First of all, early in the workout, my shoulders started stiffening and locking up.  Soon, every time I attempted a pull-up, I felt like I couldn't get my arms over my head.  The intensity of the various push-up moves depleted me; then, when I turned to do my pull-ups and chin-ups, I had to exert myself more than usual, and ended up thrashing around just to get up for my last few reps.  I had to pause the DVD and stop for a couple of breaks -- something I haven't had to do with Chest & Back since Day 1.  Plus, I didn't increase the weights I used for Heavy Pants, Lawnmowers or Back Flys.  Worst of all, I completely ran out of gas as I dove into my last set of Dive Bomber Push-Ups.  My arms turned to jelly, and I collapsed.  I tried to complete the set by modifying the move and starting from my knees instead.  No go.  I did another belly flop.  Thankfully, it was the final exercise in Chest & Back, so I moved on to Ab Ripper X (which also proved to be a greater challenge for me than usual), but this marks the first time I didn't fully complete a P90X workout.

M thinks I'm just feeling off today because we stayed out late last night, and didn't hit the sack until close to 2 a.m.  (This morning, we didn't roll out of bed until 9 a.m. -- almost four hours later than usual.)  I have a different theory, though: I suspect that this shock to the system was intentional, and that Tony wanted to make clear that Phase 3 or not, we're still his bitches.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually relieved that I have Plyo tomorrow.

P90X Day 15: Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

Chest & Back is definitely getting easier. Again, I'm not a believer in "muscle confusion" as applied to P90X -- to me, it's just a marketing ploy -- but I do believe that my body's getting more accustomed to cranking out dozens of push-ups (and a few pull-ups). This is still crazy-intense, but perhaps I'm starting to get used to crazy-intense.

P90X Day 8: Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

Chest & Back was definitely easier the second time around, but not by much. The pull-ups and chin-ups are still impossibly difficult for me; I'm only managing to get a few in before having to put a foot on a stool as an assist.

I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not even 10 percent of the way through the 90 days of P90X, and need to set reasonable goals, but I'm not sure I'll ever come close to matching the obscene number of pull-ups cranked out by Tony and his loyal minions. While Tony may come across on the screen as a total douchebag, I've got to hand it to him: He can do some freakishly amazing things on a pull-up bar.

P90X Day 1: Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

Holy shit. That was the most intense upper body workout I've had in a while -- even though it barely involves the use of weights (other than my own body weight).

Granted, before today, I hadn't been diligent about exercising my chest and back. I typically rush through a few sets of presses, flys, and rows, and then call it a day. Usually, the TV in our home gym is on, and I spend too much time between sets distracted by episodes of The Wire on DVD (which I've seen before, but cut me some slack -- it's the best TV series of all time). In sum, I've been fucking around instead of focusing on my workout.

Clearly, fucking around is not an option with the P90X Chest & Back program. Sandwiched between a few minutes of cardio warm up, ballistic stretching and cool down time, the core program consists of twelve upper body exercises, each of which is done 'til you can't do no more. And then you repeat the entire workout.

The Chest & Back routine includes:

• Standard Push Ups
• Wide Front Pull Ups
• Military Push Ups
• Reverse Grip Chin Ups
• Wide Fly Push Ups
• Closed Grip Overhand Pull Ups
• Decline Push Ups
• Heavy Pants
• Diamond Push Ups
• Lawnmower
• Dive Bomber Push Ups
• Back Flys

And repeat! That is, until you crumple into a puddle of your own sweat.

Ab Ripper X was next -- it's only 16 minutes long, but after an hour of Chest & Back, I was barely able to squeeze out the 339 reps required to get through this core-strengthening workout.

I'm exhausted, but this is exactly what I needed: A good, old-fashioned, boot-camp-style ass-kicking. I still have 89 days ahead of me on this program, but I can already tell that this is going to be fun.