'Tis The Season for Brown Candy Canes

Available on Amazon.com:

Mark my words: Next year, we'll be seeing Doritos Locos Tacos-flavored candy canes.

Corny Corn Corn

'Tis the season for limited-edition candy-corn-flavored, corn-syrup-sweetened, corn-starch-laden Oreos.

Barf.

That's a Mouthful

Zany to the max!



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Cereal, Cereal, Cereal, Cereal, Cereal

Well, this explains a lot.

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A Sip of Soda

Not surprisingly, this infographic doesn't paint a very pretty picture of soda drinking.

(Click for full image)

Still want to hold onto your 2-liter bottle of root beer? Here's another infographic about soda consumption.

[Source: Bits & Pieces]

The Secret Weapon In The Fight Against Diabetes Is America's Love for Cheap Ice Cream

Has it already been a year since I wrote about how KFC gave $1 to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) for every half-gallon Mega Jug of soda purchased by customers?

This year, it's Wendy's turn. Donate a dollar to the JDRF, and the fast food chain'll give you coupons for four small "Frostys" -- Wendy's sugary ice cream treat. Because hey: One can never have enough Frostys, especially when diabetes research is on the line.

[Source: HuffPo]

Note to Mothers

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This Exists

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"It's Just a Soft Drink."

Correlation ain't the same as causation, but I can't really blame folks for thinking that drinking two gallons of Coke each day had a little something to do with 30-year-old Natasha Marie Harris's heart attack death.

Harris' partner, Chris Hodgkinson, testified at the inquest that Harris drank between 8 and 10 liters -- 2.1 and 2.6 gallons -- of regular Coke every day, according to the Associated Press. 

"The first thing she would do in the morning was have a drink of Coke and the last thing she would do in the day was have a drink of Coke by her bed," Hodgkinson said. "She was addicted to Coke." 

Harris reportedly had some other unhealthy habits. Hodgkinson said she ate little and smoked about 30 cigarettes a day. In the months before her death, she experienced blood pressure problems and lacked energy, he said.

A pathologist testified that Harris's death was caused in part by severe hypokalemia -- a lack of potassium in the blood.

Dr. Robert Glatter, an emergency medicine physician at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City, told HealthPop that drinking too much soda can cause hypokalemia because of several factors, one of which is called "fructose induced osmotic diarrhea." Too much fructose and sugar may lead to diarrhea and during diarrhea the body loses potassium. 

What's more, Glatter said, sugar stimulates insulin release which also drives potassium into the body's cells, causing potassium levels in the bloodstream to fall. Then there's the caffeine, which is known as a "beta-agonist," that also drives potassium into cells and away from the blood. 

"So you're getting a double whammy from caffeine as well as the sugar," Glatter told HealthPop. "You're drinking three to nine liters a day of this stuff, you're going to have significant issues." 

"I never thought about it," Hodgskinson told the Herald of soda making Harris ill. "It's just a soft-drink, just like drinking water.

Not quite. Pro tip: You know what's just like drinking water? DRINKING WATER.

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I Knew It

Pop Tarts are dangerous.

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5 Super Bowl Snacks I Won't Be Eating

1. Cookie Dough Dip

2. Velveeta Fudge Squares

3. Jack-In-The-Box's Bacon Milkshake (especially given that there's actually no bacon in it)

4. Buffalo Wing Cupcakes with Blue Cheese Frosting

5. Domino’s Three Cheese Mac-n-Cheese Pasta Bowl

UPDATED: Okay -- one more: Buffalo Wing Soda

Wing Bowl XX

It's the Friday before the Super Bowl, and you know what that means, right?

WING BOWL!

Yep -- it's the annual Super Bowl for competitive chicken wing eaters! Held at Philadelphia's Wells Fargo Center, the Wing Bowl is one of competitive eating's showcase events, with thousands of spectators in attendance, including "the Wingettes, the name given to the bikini- and lingerie-wearing young women who make up each eater's contingent of supporters."

More than 125 Wingettes, a record for the event, competed to be declared "Wingette of the Year." Nicole, a pretty brunette, won the title and a 2012 Harley Davidson Sportster motorcycle. Also attending the event as featured Wingettes were adult film actresses Jenna Jameson and Mary Carey.

Clearly, the Wing Bowl is totally legit!

The winner? The legendary Takeru Kobayashi, who downed 337 wings in 30 minutes:

(I love how the reporter assumes that the native of Japan isn't accustomed to eating chicken wings. For the record: (1) people in Japan eat chicken wings, and (2) Kobayashi will eat just about anything.)

I was actually rooting for Bill "El Wingador" Simmons after watching Errol Morris' insanely great mini-documentary on the wing-eater on NYTimes.com. (Check it out here.) Sadly, El Wingador placed a distant third, having eaten just 251 wings. (It was, however, a PR for him.) I guess practicing swallowing a baseball-sized sphere of a hundred-plus Tootsie Rolls didn't pay off for Simmons.

Personally, I'm still waiting for this to happen at one of these events:

Moderation and Personal Responsibility Have Worked Out Well For Paula Deen

“The worst, most dangerous person to America is clearly Paula Deen. She revels in unholy connections with evil corporations and she's proud of the fact that her food is fucking bad for you. I would think twice before telling an already obese nation that it is okay to eat food that is killing us. Plus, her food sucks." 

-Anthony Bourdain

Remember when I wrote about the speculation that Paula Deen is secretly diabetic? Speculate no more!

This morning, the 64-year-old Deen announced to Al Roker that she has Type 2 diabetes, and admitted that she’s been hiding this secret for three years “because I had to figure out things in my own head.”

Deen appears to have been waiting for an opportunity to monetize her diagnosis. She’s inked a deal with Novo Nordisk, the pharmaceutical giant that provides her with diabetes medication. Deen announced today that she and her family are going to start appearing in ads for the company.

But aside from pushing drugs, Deen’s not planning to make any dietary changes, other than curbing her sweet tea addiction.

When asked about whether she will make a change in how she cooks on her show, “Paula’s Best Dishes,” Deen didn't give a direct answer, instead encouraging viewers to practice moderation. 

“Here’s the thing, you know, I’ve always encouraged moderation,” she said. “On my show, you know, I share with you all these yummy, fattening recipes, but I tell people 'in moderation... You can have that little piece of pie ...'" 

"I have always eaten in moderation," she said. "You know, people see me on TV two or three times a day and they see me cooking all these wonderfully Southern, fattening dishes. That’s only 30 days out of 365," she said. "And it’s for entertainment. And people have to be responsible. Like I told Oprah a few years ago, honey, I’m your cook, not your doctor. You are going to have to be responsible for yourself."

Oh, yes. Moderation and personal responsibility have worked out REALLY WELL for Deen. After all, thanks to diabetes, she's landed a lucrative deal with Novo Nordisk! She can still eat "that little piece" of Savannah High Apple Pie as long as she gets free insulin and Victoza injections from a pharmaceutical company! And best of all, she can continue to reap the benefits of peddling ridiculously unhealthy food while admonishing her fans to "be responsible for yourself" and gobble down pills! WIN-WIN!

Let’s be real: Type 2 diabetes can be prevented. Regularly chowing on sugar -- whether in the form of Twinkies or Deen’s Deep-Fried Cheesecake, causes insulin resistance and keeps glucose in the bloodstream -- which in turn forces the pancreas to crank out even more insulin to deal with the blood sugar, which in turn causes more insulin resistance, and on and on. The vicious cycle doesn’t end as long as we continue to poison ourselves with sugar. Taking drugs doesn’t fix the underlying problem; it just manages the symptoms.

(Want more information about the sugar-diabetes connection? Read this article over at Mark’s Daily Apple, or check out my Paleo guide.)

I don't think Deen's "the worst, most dangerous person in America," but she can’t simply be dismissed as a kook with a taste for gross food, either. She has a large following, and is prominent enough to influence hordes of television-viewing home cooks -- many of whom are the primary food gatekeepers for their families. By announcing that diabetes can and should be handled with drugs rather than dietary changes, Deen’s made herself the willfully oblivious poster child for America’s diabetes problem.

[Source: MSNBC, Nom Nom Paleo]

Seven Signs of the Foodpocalypse

1. Darth Vader Burgers -- soon available in France and Belgium!

2. Chicken & Waffle Wings -- because how else are you going to eat chicken and waffles in the car?

3. Bacon Soda -- swine plus sugar water equals yum!

4. Mountain Dew -- it dissolves rats!

5. Dulche de Leche Cheerios -- they're "naturally flavored" with caramel!

6. Chocolate Covered Totino's Pizza Rolls -- because why the hell not?

7. SPAM Mints -- for hot dates who love Hormel products.

Not everyone's trying to eat healthier this January, I guess.

Another Reason to Be Leery of Tofu

Tofu fans, beware.

From Monday's edition of The Oregonian:

Just after 8:15 p.m. fire crews were called to an apartment building in the 300 block of Northwest Fifth Avenue in the heart of Old Town.  

"When they arrived they found a woman sitting outside crying," Corah said. "She said there'd been an explosion and she was upset. She had a slight burn on her left hand, but was otherwise not hurt."  

The woman told investigators was cooking tofu and had rinsed out the pan with water when there was explosion. The blast was so powerful that it blew a 4 by 6 window out of the building and onto the street, Corah said. 

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Link Dump: Food-That-Will-Kill-You Edition

Food linkage from around the Interwebs:

The Daily Beast presents a gallery of the "20 Unhealthiest Cereals." (As if any of 'em are healthy.)

The most shoplifted food in the world? Cheese.

Rainn Wilson loves Del Taco for a reason.

Speaking of fast food tacos, it's not a good idea to firebomb your local Taco Bell because your Chalupa was insufficiently meaty. (Besides, it's debatable how much of Taco Bell's "meat" is actually meat in the first place.)

Okay -- one more taco-related item: Why the hell would anyone propose marriage with a cake made to look like a packet of Taco Bell hot sauce?

Professor Mark Post is being paid €300,000 to create a hamburger without using any meat from an animal. Instead, he's trying to grow meat in a lab using muscle stem cells. "We want to turn meat production from a farming process to a factory process," he says. Barf.

Dr. William Davis, the author of "Wheat Belly," summarizes his case against triticum aestivum, or modern wheat, on Boing Boing. "Wheat-consuming people are fatter than those who don't eat wheat," he concludes.

But is Davis overstating the case against wheat? Check out what Dr. Emily Deans has to say about "Wheat Belly," and also Chris Masterjohn's detailed review of Davis's book.

I Can't Look Away

Lord help me -- I can't stop watching Paula Deen videos on YouTube. Behold:

Deep-Fried Cheesecake:



Lasagna Sandwich:



Luther Burger:


I think I need to go check my blood sugar now.

Who Says Graffiti Isn't Art?

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Tacos Made with Doritos Are Real But They're Not Real Food.

I was on the phone the other day with someone who lives near Fresno, California. "But I don't like to tell people I'm from Fresno," she said. "It's the armpit of California."

Really? Then how do you explain THIS:



That's right: Fresno's among the first towns in California where you can purchase Taco Bell's Taco Supremes made with "REAL" nacho-cheese-flavored Doritos.

Incidentally, isn't this one of the signs of the Apocalypse?

Link Dump

It's been a while since I last barfed up a bunch of links for you to check out and chew on. So here goes:

• Denmark just became the first country to impose a "fat tax" on foods high in saturated fat. Thanks, Ancel Keys.

• The Washington Post published a piece about the "benefits" of processed food, arguing that "[i]t’s not so easy to categorize processed foods as good or bad." Really? 'Cause I think it's pretty simple.

• Did you miss Robb Wolf on Morgan Spurlock's "I, Caveman" reality show tonight? Don't fret -- the Discovery Channel's re-airing it on October 9. Set your DVRs, people.

• Septuagenarian singer Tom Jones has lost a bunch of weight on the "caveman diet." He ought to be spry enough to evade those fusillades of panties now.

• The Army Times profiled Mark Twight of Gym Jones and Mark Divine of SEALFIT as "ex-CrossFit devotees" who have taken their gyms "to the next level."

• Can you live on $30 a week? Sheila Steffen, a producer for CNN took on a "food stamp challenge," spending only her allotment of $30 in food stamps to feed herself for a week. She wrote that the $30 didn't get her very far; she bought only beans, rice, farina, chicken, pasta, broccoli, bell peppers and tomatoes. Oh, and stuff to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. As many commenters noted, Steffen didn't spend wisely, passing up nutritionally dense foods in favor of empty ones (like bread and rice).

With $30, I think I would've purchased the following: two dozen eggs ($4), five pounds of chicken thighs ($10), three pounds of ground beef ($6), and five packages of frozen broccoli ($10). Not the most varied diet in the world, but I'd be fueled up just fine.

How would you spend your $30?