5 Super Bowl Snacks I Won't Be Eating

1. Cookie Dough Dip

2. Velveeta Fudge Squares

3. Jack-In-The-Box's Bacon Milkshake (especially given that there's actually no bacon in it)

4. Buffalo Wing Cupcakes with Blue Cheese Frosting

5. Domino’s Three Cheese Mac-n-Cheese Pasta Bowl

UPDATED: Okay -- one more: Buffalo Wing Soda

Monday's Workout

We're starting another week of long(er) metcons. First up: "Football Gone Bad" from the evil geniuses at CrossFit Football.

Three rounds for time:

• 1 minute of dumbbell thrusters (using a pair of 45-pound DBs)
• 1 minute of plyo box jumps (20" box)
• 1 minute of push-ups
• 1 minute of double-unders
• 1 minute of calorie row
• 1 minute of rest

Like Fight Gone Bad, this workout involves spending a minute at each station, accumulating one point for each rep (except on the rower where each calorie is one point) before moving immediately to the next. Believe it or now, I'm starting to really get a kick out of this format. The diabolically short stints at each station call for an all-out effort, before you know it, it's time to move on to the next exercise -- so it never gets too painful.

To make room for everyone, the members of our class began the workout at different stations today, and I chose to start with the box jumps. I kind of love box jumps (though I need to work on making sure I fully extend at the top on a consistent basis), and when I get cranking, I can cruise at a decent speed. During the first minute of today's workout, I completed 38 box jumps -- a new record for me.

But by the end of that first round, I was gassed. Saving the thrusters for last was not the brightest idea. I struggled to heave the pair of 45-pound dumbbells overhead, and managed just five ugly reps in that minute.

Results:

• Round 1 - 110 points
• Round 2 - 86 points
• Round 3 - 90 points

Total: 286 points as RXed.

(A point of comparison: Maddie scored 366 points -- RXed. And no, that is not a typo.)

Charles Barkley's CrossFitting?

Ochocinco, Matthew McConaughey, and now Sir Charles?

This would make for one helluva reality show. Celebrity Fight Gone Bad, anyone?

Building Kick!

Today, I learned that:

• Chris Rock's dad has teeth in his belly button.

• Not all former NFL linemen are dangerously obese and crippled.

• Old Spice commercials are now fifty billion times more awesome than they were in 1957.

(Source: Dymmel.com)

An Easy Super Bowl Appetizer

It's Super Bowl Sunday -- a de facto national holiday dedicated to the consumption of insane amounts of deliciously terrible food.



I know it's tempting to just throw a box of DiGiorno's Pizza & Cookies into the oven, but instead of gorging on fast food or some horrible Paula Deen concoction, you may want to consider throwing together some Paleo-friendly bacon avocado "sandwiches" instead:

Caveman QB

I don't give a crap about either the Steelers or the Packers, but I have my reasons for cheering on Aaron Rodgers (and his Green Bay Packers) this Super Bowl Sunday:

• He's a native Northern Californian (from Chico -- Robb Wolf's stomping grounds).
• He played (and was awesome) at Cal.
• He's into the Paleo diet.

Plus, it's easy to root against the Steelers' Ben Roethlisberger, who is a douchebag of epic proportions.

Albert Haynesworth Might Want to Give P90X a Shot

If you're a football fan, you're probably aware that Albert Haynesworth, one of the most dominant (and highly-paid) defensive ends in the NFL, keeps failing the Washington Redskins' conditioning test, which consists of "two 300-yard shuttle runs broken into 25-yard increments, with three and a half minutes rest between the two repetitions." Each player is required to "run 25 yards, touch his foot on the line and run 25 yards back a total of six times. For offensive and defensive linemen, the first run must be completed in 70 seconds or less and the second set in less than 73 seconds." Despite several attempts, Haynesworth hasn't yet passed the test.

Sports journalists have seized upon this opportunity to show up Haynesworth as a disgruntled, unmotivated malingerer. One is ESPN's Mike Golic, a 47-year-old former NFL defensive end and current P90Xer, who announced that his Tony Horton-based training would power him through the conditioning test with flying colors. Some (like his "Mike and Mike" radio partner, Mike Greenburg) disagreed, but in the end, Golic successfully passed the test.

Or did he? According to the Washington Post:

[T]he circumstances were a bit questionable. [Golic] seemed to leave early on both attempts, he didn't necessarily reach every cone, and his finishing time for Part I was first called out as 71 seconds, then changed to 70. Part II was even worse; as a reader points out, the video shows 76 seconds of elapsed time, even though Mike Greenberg later says Golic finished in 73 seconds. Either way, he certainly came close to the appropriate time, and he's a similar weight to Haynesworth. Plus he's 47 years old.

You be the judge:

A Beautiful Bulwark

A lot of recent attention has been paid to the concussion risks inherent in football. And just a week ago, the NFL issued -- for the first time -- a warning to its players about the dangers of football-related head injuries, including "depression" and "dementia."

In response, designer Michael Princip created the "Bulwark," a prototype helmet that offers extra protection against collision-induced head injuries. It   "features internal padding, much like current helmets covered by a solid shell. But the true innovation lies on top of that shell: a shock-absorbing layer of pre-molded foam. 'It’s like an industrial-grade bubble wrap,' according to Princip. That padding layer would then be covered by four separate sections that comprise the outer shell."

Despite his practical safety upgrades, Princip does acknowledge that the Bulwark won’t fare well in the marketplace if it isn’t stylish as well. “Players aren’t going to wear it if it doesn’t look good,” he says.

To that end, Princip has turned his eye to the past, studying images of old-school cranial wear for inspiration. He derives his current design from previous-era MacGregor helmets as well as rugby helmets. “I was looking back and seeing these light-weight helmets,” he says, “and it inspired me to think of a modern-day version.”

The Bulwark also incorporates design cues from more recent helmet designs, including the extended jaw plates that protect players from hits to the face, like on the Riddell Revolution Speed helmet worn by the likes of Colts quarterback Peyton Manning.

If only all safety gear was this beautifully designed.

(Source: Wired.com)

Finally: Yoga Mats for Manly Men

You know the thing that keeps most guys from doing yoga? It's not just the perception that yoga is "weird" or "new age-y" or "girly." It's the fact that yoga mats aren't printed to look like basketball courts.

Or football fields.

Or weirdly rectangular baseball diamonds.

Thankfully, Kent Katich -- real-life husband of George Lopez's TV wife, owner of All Sport Yoga and "yoga guru of the NBA" -- is marketing these desperately-needed goods to those unwilling to give yoga a shot without making damn clear to others (and themselves) that they're doing Downward Dogs only because Dirk Fucking Nowitzki does 'em. I can't wait for the NASCAR version, because my kids'll also be able to use my mat when they're playing with their Hot Wheels.

I have to give Katich credit: Making accessories for yogaphobes is a great business idea. Don't tell anyone, but I have an idea for découpaging photos of Chuck Liddell, B.J. Penn and Rampage Jackson to yoga blocks and selling them to MMA fans secretly yearning to do sun salutations.

Round 2 / Day 77: Insanity Max Cardio Conditioning + Cardio Abs

Two reasons why I skipped X Stretch and dove right into Max Cardio Conditioning this morning;

• I already took a rest day earlier this week when I was down with a cold; and

• I knew I was going to indulge in some serious Super Bowl snacking (e.g., chicken wings, beef skewers, chips, salsa/guacamole, chocolate chip cookies) later in the day, and figured I'd better burn off some calories in advance.

By the way, I hope none of you Colts fans died from heart attacks during the fourth quarter of the game.

The risk is real, cardiologists say, because studies have shown that when a favorite team loses, angry fans can suffer so much stress that the result is sudden cardiac death.

"If you look at a lot of data from a lot of different sports, there is a spectator risk," said Dr. Stephen Siegel, a cardiologist at New York University Langone Medical Center.

The best way to avoid this unhappy consequence is, "don't take it so seriously. Don't get so excited about it," he said. "Enjoy the game, have fun with it, but don't spend your life savings on betting on it and don't have your life invested in the outcome."