Bacon Tampons

Who knew you could stop nosebleeds with "bacon tampons"?

From LA Weekly:

Four doctors at Detroit Medical Center in Michigan treated a child who had a rare hereditary disorder that causes prolonged nose bleeding by using what they called a "nasal tampon" made out of "cured salted pork," the Guardian reports. The so-called bacon tampon "stopped nasal hemorrhage promptly, effectively, and without sequelae [negative consequences]," they write in the January 2012 issue of the Annals of Otology, Rhinology and Laryngology. 

[Source]

Seven Signs of the Foodpocalypse

1. Darth Vader Burgers -- soon available in France and Belgium!

2. Chicken & Waffle Wings -- because how else are you going to eat chicken and waffles in the car?

3. Bacon Soda -- swine plus sugar water equals yum!

4. Mountain Dew -- it dissolves rats!

5. Dulche de Leche Cheerios -- they're "naturally flavored" with caramel!

6. Chocolate Covered Totino's Pizza Rolls -- because why the hell not?

7. SPAM Mints -- for hot dates who love Hormel products.

Not everyone's trying to eat healthier this January, I guess.

Common Ground

We are all caffeine junkies.

I love you, coffee. (But only before noon.)

A Day of Bacon-y Remembrance

It's International Bacon Day!



To celebrate, let's take a look back at my favorite super-quick bacon-y snack: Bacon and avocado "sandwiches." You just need a few minutes and a handful of ingredients:

• 4 strips of good-quality (preferably pastured) thick-cut bacon
• 1 medium-sized Haas avocado
• 1 lime
• Kosher salt to taste

Step One: Fry up some bacon (or just nuke it.)

Step Two: Whip up a simple guacamole. Mash up the flesh of half an avocado, and cut up the other half into half-inch cubes. Then mix both halves together in a bowl to get a nice blend of chunky 'n creamy. Flavor it with a squirt or two of lime juice and a generous pinch of Kosher salt. (Or use this recipe.)



Step Three: Stack 'em up and shovel everything into your mouth.

The Stuff of Nightmares

I love bacon.

And when I have the opportunity to throw some guacamole in between a couple of slices of unctuously fatty bacon, my head pretty much explodes.

But a couple of days ago, I was exposed to a rather disturbing photograph of a pork belly that our pal Kevin (a.k.a., Dirt & Beer) is bacon-izing. And that photo still keeps me up at night.

Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer my bacon without nipples.

(M's right, though: We'd still eat it.)

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Bacon vs. Bacon

The real problem with industrially-processed bacon:

Breakfast of Champions

Poached eggs and a pile of bacon.

And the best part? The kids turned down the waffles.

[UPDATED: I should clarify that we were at a restaurant (Calafia in Palo Alto). We don't keep waffles in the house!]

Spotted at Trader Joe's

Ron Swanson works at Trader Joe's?

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Not So Fast

For most of the past year, I've been practicing intermittent fasting. After finishing dinner each night, I'd abstain from eating until lunchtime the next day. It worked well for me, and I still do it a few days each week. But since March, I've been downing a post-workout meal of starchy carbs and protein every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning. And more recently, even on my rest days, I've been devouring a big breakfast before heading off to work.

Example: Here's this morning's beefy, bacon-y, eggy morning meal. (Doesn't it look happy?)



The reason I'm no longer fasting every day?

Some days, I haven't gotten enough sleep. Other days, I've been sick with a cold. Either way, I wasn't about to tax my immune system even more by fasting. No sleep? No fast.

Besides, I'm finding it hard to resist the smell of meat in the morning.

Good Morning

My breakfast was incredibly easy (even for me!) to throw together: savory coconut pancakes (just three ingredients: egg, coconut flour and salt) topped with bacon (cooked in the microwave) and avocado. It took less than five minutes to throw together.

I'm downing all the bacon I can before the Whole9 crew tells me I have to stop.

And if you haven't guessed yet, I'm not fasting through the morning every day anymore. More on that later...

The Gateway Meat

Bacon is magical. It doesn't just make everything better -- it's the gateway meat for vegetarians.

Smells Like Bacon

I don't wear cologne, but for this, I may make an exception.

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CaveGirlCheats

Over at the excellent CaveGirlEats blog, Liz posted a list of foods she knows she ain't supposed to eat under a Primal diet, but does anyway. As she puts it, these are "the things I incorporate into my regimen frequently that were *prooobably* not available to your typical Cave Person. They’re my Primal Fudge-ems."

I have a list, too, but some of mine aren't just fudges -- to a strict Paleo eater, they're just out-and-out, off-the-rails cheats:

• Insane amounts of Omega-6-heavy nuts;
• Obscene quantities of black coffee (preferably cold-brewed);
• BCAA powder;
• Vinegar;
• Tasty things I stick in my jerky marinades: tamari, Worchestershire sauce, canned chipotles in adobo sauce (which has added sugar);
• Dairy -- including yogurt, (pastured, grass-fed) butter, ghee, and cheese. Glorious, glorious cheese;
• Consistent with my Rule No. 5, I'll eat anything else that looks too awesome to pass up.

Lastly, I'm not all that careful about my bacon sources. If it's bacon, it's going in my mouth, dammit.

I Want My Bacon

The kid's right, you know. Bacon is good for him.

(Source: Know Your Meme)

The Right Way to Cook Bacon

Use a skillet and follow these instructions:



Too hard? An easier method: Nuke 'em.

Better yet, just pop open a can of Tactical Bacon. It has a shelf life of ten years.

I Love Bacon, But Not This Much.

Check out dozens of other bacon-related tattoos at Third Victim, Oddee, and Ink Art Tattoos.

(Photo: Rich Marafioti)

Babies + Bacon

The makers of Baconnaise have outdone themselves with Bacon Baby:

The only thing that smells better than little babies is bacon. So slather some bacon lip balm on that bacon-formula-chugging baby, pop open a bottle of bacon soda while you feed your infant, and make your nursery smell like an awesome roadside diner.

(Before you get all excited and rush out to buy some bacon infant formula, I should point out that it's not real. All the other bacon-y stuff is available, though. And you can make your own Paleo-friendly Baconnaise with this recipe from Paleo Diet Lifestyle.)

An Easy Super Bowl Appetizer

It's Super Bowl Sunday -- a de facto national holiday dedicated to the consumption of insane amounts of deliciously terrible food.



I know it's tempting to just throw a box of DiGiorno's Pizza & Cookies into the oven, but instead of gorging on fast food or some horrible Paula Deen concoction, you may want to consider throwing together some Paleo-friendly bacon avocado "sandwiches" instead:

Animal Planet Plate Lunch

What -- you didn't believe that I'd actually go eat a big plate of animals for lunch?

Every Tuesday, I head over to the Ferry Building Farmer's Market's Prather Ranch stand for a Farmhouse Burger -- beef patty, ham, bacon, fried egg, no bun, extra lettuce, and a pile of fresh sauerkraut.

Sometimes, when I feel like something a little lighter, I add slaw:

But today, I just polished off the meat with a side of homemade venison jerky.

I love animals.

Bacon & Avocado "Sandwiches"

December is chock-full of awesome holidays -- and I'm not just talking about International Ninja Day. That's right, people: Today is Bacon Day.

To celebrate, I whipped up some bacon and avocado "sandwiches." All I needed was five minutes and four ingredients:

• 4 strips of thick-cut, nitrate-free bacon
• 1 medium-sized Haas avocado
• 1 lime
• Kosher salt to taste

It's ridiculously easy to cook bacon in the microwave oven. (Clean-up is simple, too.) Just wrap a few slices between some sheets of paper towel, stick it all on a microwave-safe plate, and nuke away. I set my microwave at 70% power and zapped the bacon for about two-and-a-half minutes. If you find that your bacon's not yet crisp, just nuke it a bit longer.

The filling for these "sandwiches"? Chunky homemade guacamole.

Mash up the flesh of half an avocado, and cut up the other half into half-inch cubes. Then mix both halves together in a bowl to get a nice blend of chunky 'n creamy. Flavor it with a squirt or two of lime juice and a generous pinch of Kosher salt.

Finally: Plate 'em up. Doesn't get any easier than this, people.

Too much of a good thing? Nah.