How to Take a Kick to the Crotch

How does one survive a sledgehammer kick to the nuts?

Rod Sacharnoski, Creator of Combat Ki: "When I first began taking kicks to the testicles, there was a lot of fear involved. So I started to develop a system where I could get myself to higher levels of accepting the pain and nausea. It takes about five years of good training."

And what does that "good training" require? Lots and lots of kicks to the balls. You know, so you can get used to it.





Science is cool. But:

• I'm not sure it makes sense to take thousands of kicks to the groin in order to...withstand a kick to the groin.

• Trust me: You will not be kicked in the testicles with such frequency and force that you must devote five years of your life to prepare for its eventuality. Of course, this assumes that you're not: (1) a belligerent drunk, (2) an MMA fighter, (3) a hand-to-hand combat specialist, (4) a bouncer, (5) a stuntman, (6) a ninja, (7) a total asshole, or (8) a teenage boy. (And if you are all of the above, I salute you, sir.)

• Even if you are, in fact, highly prone to having a foot lodged in your crotch, it's far cheaper and less painful to BUY AN ATHLETIC CUP. They cost, like, five bucks at Walmart. Even the fanciest ones'll set you back less than $25.

• Kicking each other in the nuts may look like a pleasant way to pass the time, but don't try this at home, kids. It's all fun and games until someone loses a testicle.

10 Items From Kauai's Costco That Your Costco Doesn't Carry

1. Two aisles of nothin' but macadamia nuts (chocolate-covered and otherwise).

2. A fridge case full of sashimi-grade ahi tuna.

3. Leis made of candy.

4. Fresh poke.

5. Poi, poi, and more poi.

6. Chicken & pork lau lau (surprisingly Paleo -- complete list of ingredients: taro leaves, chicken/pork, butterfish, salt).

7. Kalua Pork -- also pretty darn Paleo.

8. Char-Siu Manapua -- for people who want their pork slathered in sugar and encased in a sweet, fluffy bun.

9. Hawaiian Purple Sweet Potatoes (a.k.a., post-workout snacks).

10. My personal favorite: "Luau" fruit punch syrup -- obesity in liquid form!

But no matter which Costco you visit, please remember that cheese ravioli ain't Paleo.

Check-In

I'm a Paleo stickler, and my food choices are fairly clean. My "cheats" are increasingly rare. But there'a always room for improvement.

After attending a Whole9 seminar in early March, I outlined 9 things I was going to do to modify my food choices. Two-and-a-half months later, how am I doing with these dietary tweaks? Let's run it down.

TWEAK NO. 1: Get more sleep -- especially the night before a 5 a.m. class at CrossFit Palo Alto. (Whole9's rule: Didn't get at least 6 hours of sleep? THEN NO EXERCISE FOR YOU. Use that time instead to get more Z's or prep some food.)

STATUS: Miserable failure. I'm still staying up too late. Plus, I've violated the no-exercise-without-six-hours-of-sleep rule several times. (But I'm working on it. Really.)

TWEAK NO. 2: Stop pounding caffeine after noon. And if all goes well, I'll try to eliminate caffeine altogether from my diet.

STATUS: I cheated on this one for a while. Every day, I'd buy coffee right before the clock struck noon and then nurse my precious cup for another hour to prolong the caffeine intake. But over the past month or so, I've done a better job of keeping my caffeine intake restricted to the morning hours. I'm nowhere near ready to rid myself of coffee altogether, though.

TWEAK NO. 3: Reduce my intake of nuts and seeds -- and when I do indulge, I'm going to reach for macadamia nuts and hazelnuts over all others.

STATUS: I'm still struggling with this one. I love nuts, and Costco sells Mauna Loa mac nuts in bulk. Also: Oren's Kitchen sells some insanely good spiced nuts (and a couple of varieties contain only Paleo ingredients!), and I'm addicted to 'em. I have, however, cut back significantly on my nut intake -- and have even managed to go a few days without eating nuts at all. (I know: Shocking!)

TWEAK NO. 4: Cut the cheese. (HAR HAR! I meant cutting it from my diet.)

STATUS: Done. This one was surprisingly easy to do. I realize now that despite my love for the taste of certain cheeses, none of 'em are worth the gut irritation and other associated problems.

TWEAK NO. 5: Eat something starchy/carby (but no fruit or fat) immediately post-workout.

STATUS: I'm all over this one. Since the Whole9 seminar, I've made it a point to bring a baked sweet potato and/or a bag of peeled roasted chestnuts with me to class so that I can chow down s soon as the WOD's done. It's done wonders for my recovery time and energy levels. Plus, sweet potatoes and chestnuts are tasty as hell.

TWEAK NO. 6: Try to get over my aversion to olives, because they're awesome sources of fat (assuming no preservatives or other additives are in the mix).

STATUS: I still don't like olives. Sorry.

TWEAK NO. 7: Seriously cut back on fruit, and stop drinking juice altogether.

STATUS: Done. Sure, I'll still chomp on a couple of strawberries when M buys a flat at the Farmer's Market, and I'll occasionally have a nibble of whatever fruit I'm cutting up for the kids. But I've never had a sweet tooth, and now, even small bites of fruit taste overly sweet and cloying to me. I pretty much steer clear of the stuff.

TWEAK NO. 8: Never cook with olive oil again.

STATUS: Not a problem. To me, food tastes better when it's cooked in ghee or coconut oil anyway.

TWEAK NO. 9: Break open the vat of duck fat we have sitting in the freezer.

STATUS: Done. And it was good.

CaveGirlCheats

Over at the excellent CaveGirlEats blog, Liz posted a list of foods she knows she ain't supposed to eat under a Primal diet, but does anyway. As she puts it, these are "the things I incorporate into my regimen frequently that were *prooobably* not available to your typical Cave Person. They’re my Primal Fudge-ems."

I have a list, too, but some of mine aren't just fudges -- to a strict Paleo eater, they're just out-and-out, off-the-rails cheats:

• Insane amounts of Omega-6-heavy nuts;
• Obscene quantities of black coffee (preferably cold-brewed);
• BCAA powder;
• Vinegar;
• Tasty things I stick in my jerky marinades: tamari, Worchestershire sauce, canned chipotles in adobo sauce (which has added sugar);
• Dairy -- including yogurt, (pastured, grass-fed) butter, ghee, and cheese. Glorious, glorious cheese;
• Consistent with my Rule No. 5, I'll eat anything else that looks too awesome to pass up.

Lastly, I'm not all that careful about my bacon sources. If it's bacon, it's going in my mouth, dammit.

SPAM-Flavored Macadamia Nuts

Holy crap. I need to hightail it back to Hawaii immediately.

(Source: Junk Food Blog)

Going Nuts

I can't stop eating nuts.

I know they're good for me -- in small doses. Nuts lower total cholesterol, and they're chock-full of protein and good-for-you fats.

But for the life of me: I. CAN'T. STOP. EATING. NUTS.

Especially my latest favorite trail mix, which consists of equal portions of raisins,  cashews, peanuts, pumpkin seeds, and sunflower kernels (all the nuts and seeds should preferably be roasted and unsalted), all mixed together. I'm wolfing this shit down like crazy.