Lazy Saturday

I'm proud to be raising two budding nerds. Wait -- I mean FILMMAKERS.

(By the way, this is the iPhone app the boys used to make their little stop-motion LEGO snuff film.)

Don’t Leave Me Hangin’: A Brief History of the High Five

What’s the first thing you do after finishing a heart-pounding workout at your CrossFit box (other than making sweat angels on the floor and gasping for air)? You give high fives and fist bumps to those who’ve suffered through the WOD with you, right?

If you don’t, you’re kind of a butthole. And there’s no better time to start slapping the damp, upraised hand of your fellow metcon warrior. After all, today’s the third Thursday of April, which means it’s National High Five Day. (Really.)

But what exactly is the point, you ask, of violently striking the palm of another human being? How did stinging hand pain come to signal camaraderie or congratulations? And what about the germs?

Here’s the backstory:

Before the high five existed, there was the handshake -- a sign of peace (bare hands = no weapons) dating back to ancient Greece.

In more recent centuries, the expansion of the British Empire popularized the use of handshakes as a form of greeting, celebration, and farewell.

But handshakes weren’t cool enough for the musicians of the Jazz Age. They came up with what we now call a “low five,” which soon made its way into blues and other musical genres. At the time, this was known as “slapping skin” or “giving skin” -- but celebratory low fives were viewed as a gesture used only in African American communities.



Case in point: In the 1941 Abbott & Costello movie “In the Navy,” the Andrews Sisters sing this little ditty:

If you want to shake my hand
Like they do it in Harlem,
Stick your hand right out and shout:
Give me some skin, my friend!

Over the years, the term “giving skin” evolved into “giving five,” and with greater exposure to black culture in popular media in the 1960s and 1970s, Americans of all racial backgrounds began slapping each other’s hands. Even Bob from Sesame Street got in on the action.

More after the jump, including gay baseball players, child endangerment, terrorism and cartoon superheroes...

Link Dump

Time for some random Internet goodness:

• Do not drink an entire bottle of soy sauce. (And not just because soy is terrible for you.)

• The Art of Manliness presents “The Napping Habits of 8 Famous Men.” (In many cases, though, it appears that they “napped” ‘cause they were on the verge of collapse from not getting enough sleep. Sometimes, lack of sleep is unavoidable -- but remember: Sleeplessness is not a sign of virility.)

• American kids think that cartoon mascots make breakfast cereals taste better. In other news, our kids are dumb.

• Speaking of cereal, check out this nostalgia nausea-inducing list of breakfast cereals of the 80s and 90s that will (hopefully) never grace your kitchen table again.

• Snooki wrestled on WWE Raw last night. I know you care.

• Men’s Fitness UK profiles Gym Jones and its new Fundamentals seminar. (Background: Gym Jones’ founder, Mark Twight, was affiliated with CrossFit early on, but moved on to develop an approach that emphasized individualized, sports-specific training. After Gym Jones received widespread attention for training the actors in “300,” CrossFit founder Greg Glassman got upset and claimed that Twight “stole” the CrossFit training program. CrossFit HQ even sent a mole to a Gym Jones seminar. Classy!)

• Gym Jones is also training the next Superman. I’m sure Glassman is steaming.

• The Dutch want you to eat bugs. “Dongen is head of the meat department at Sligro, a kind of Costco on the edge of this trim Dutch town. Besides steaks, poultry and others kinds of meat, he offers mealworms, buffalo worms, locusts and other insects, as well as prepared products containing insects like Bugs Sticks and Bugs Nuggets — not for pets, but as a source of protein for people.”

Finally, let’s just admit that all of this is trivial fluff in light of the unfolding events in Japan. When you have a moment, please donate to the relief efforts if you can. (Click here and here for more information on how you can help.)

The P90X Book Club

Quite a few of the folks in the P90X videos have made films, ranging from comedies to dramas to hardcore porn. But did you know that even more of 'em write books?

Tony Horton wrote one. (IMHO, it's not very good, but whatever.)

So did Pam the Blam (under her "Nashieqa Washington" pen name).

And let's not forget Mark Sisson.

The latest author to emerge from the P90X ranks? Joe Bovino.

I know it's been awhile, but you remember Joe from the "P90X Shoulders & Arms" video, right? The guy with fully-shaved armpits? He's written a book describing the "ethnic and regional subcultures of American women" in the format of a bird watching guidebook.

And no, I'm not making this up.

You have no idea how much I wish I had a copy of the book to review for you, but the "Field Guide to Chicks" isn't out yet. You can, however, click here to visit Joe's Facebook page and check out a preview of the book.



I swear: P90X is a gift that just keeps giving.

(Thanks to David Kohrell for the heads-up!)

Just Eat Some F%$#ing Pie

Given the lively debate over the relative merits of P90X and CrossFit, I'm sure glad (the fake) Sandy Kenyon has finally weighed in about P90X:



It's good to keep things in perspective, no?

This One's On Its Last Legs

To protest the (super-wacked-out) Westboro Baptist Church's hate group's protest of his movie premiere at Sundance, Kevin Smith held up this sign:

I guess he's not over the whole Southwest Airlines thing just yet.

Sadly, the "God Hates Fat" joke ain't as original as Smith and his fans might think. These folks over here already pointed out (three years ago) that there are passages in the Bible that condemn fat. And Landover Baptist already hates fat people. So does this Facebook page.

The joke's getting a little tired. (See, e.g., God hates runners.)

Be the Best at What You Do

Even if it's bending steel with your hands.



If you're in New York or Chicago, go see this. It looks good.

(Source: Kottke)

Fathead for Free

Watch the entire documentary -- free!

No, seriously. Sit your ass down and watch the movie. Now.



And don't forget to check out Tom Naughton's blog.

(Source: Hulu)

Remind You of Anyone?

"The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show... and see if she likes the goods." - Ron Burgundy



Admit it: The fact that Tony Horton cracks the same jokes as the likes of Ron Burgundy and Dwight Schrute doesn't surprise you one bit.

Iron Man's Low-Tech DIY Training Equipment

For his starring role in Iron Man 2, Robert Downey Jr. put on 20 pounds of muscle in just one month using DIY gym equipment. (I'm surprised it was necessary for him to bulk up at all, given that his body's hidden under a big metal costume much of the time.)

Examples: "Instead of doing regular bench presses, we used a bamboo bar... and we would hang plates on rubber bands off the bar... so it was like trying to bench press a snake!" [trainer Brad] Bose explains. "It bounced all over the place."

Downey Jr. also pushed "a custom-built wheelbarrow that we modified with 600 to 700 lb. weight stacks" around an obstacle course.

"We went out and bought truck tires, and we used sledgehammers -- anywhere from, two 4-lb. sledgehammers in each hand, all the way up to a full 20-lb. sledgehammer -- and we were just beating tires with it. We used fire hoses that we filled with sand and water... and we'd drag and whip them to build the shoulder muscles and pecs back up."

They also juggled "weighted Indian clubs," hauled around kettle bells and even used a war machine, which Boyes explains is "like a rope with handles on it with a pulley -- you suspend yourself from it," says Bose.

"We tried to find the most unique, and yet funnily enough, inexpensive training stuff to use," he says. "You couldn't find more practical stuff to use."

(Source: US Weekly)

That's It???

I'm kind of bummed out that Tony Horton only has a few (decidedly less-than-erotic) minutes of screen time in "Rebecca's Secret." He didn't even get to bust out a Forrest Gump impression or imitate a pterodactyl. So, so sad.



(Thanks to mycooolm3 for taking one for the team and actually watching Rebecca's Secret.)

Round 3 / Day 4: P90X Yoga X

I enjoyed doing yoga this morning, but it took forever (as usual). I could have watched an entire movie in the 92 minutes it took to complete Yoga X, including:

• Before Sunset (2004) – 80 minutes
• The Bride of Frankenstein (1935) – 75 minutes
• Cloverfield (2008) – 85 minutes
• Cube (1997) – 90 minutes
• The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951) – 92 minutes
• Duck Soup (1933) – 68 minutes
• Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) – 90 minutes
• High Noon (1952) – 85 minutes
• The Lion King (1994) – 89 minutes
• Monsters, Inc. (2001) – 92 minutes
• Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) – 91 minutes
• The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) – 76 minutes
• The Night of the Hunter (1955) – 92 minutes
• Rashomon (1950) – 88 minutes
• Revenge of the Nerds (1984) – 90 minutes
• Rope (1948) – 80 minutes
• The Simpsons Movie (2007) – 87 minutes
• Sleeper (1973) – 89 minutes
• South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut (1999) – 81 minutes
• Stand By Me (1986) – 89 minutes
• Toy Story 2 (1992) – 92 minutes
• Videodrome (1983) – 87 minutes

Oh, and one more: Rebecca's Secret, the soft-core porn movie featuring Tony Horton, clocks in at just 81 minutes.

[UPDATE: Sadly, it turns out Tony only has a bit part in the flick, and his single two-minute scene is anything but scandalous.]

Round 2 / Day 57: P90X Back & Biceps + Ab Ripper X

During the warm-up, when Tony says that the shoulder & triceps stretch reminds him of a scene in "Deliverance," I assume he's referring to this:

And not this:

Because personally, I don't squeal like a pig until it's time for Corn Cob Pull-Ups.

I Miss Pat Morita

So I guess they're remaking "The Karate Kid", with Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith playing the Pat Morita and Ralph Macchio roles. And from the looks of this trailer, the movie's set in China, the ancient land of mean-eyed wushu-trained boys and demure violin-playing girls. During the course of the flick, Jackie Chan (sporting a moustache wispier than Mariah Carey's in "Precious") sagely teaches Jaden Smith how to be a kick-ass kung fu fighter, in part by instructing him to "JACK IT OFF" or something like that. (I guess "wax on, wax off" wasn't suggestive enough.)

But wait a second: This remake features a Chinese kung fu master teaching kung fu in China. There's no karate in this film -- not even the fake kind that Mr. Miyagi taught Daniel-san. So why is this movie still called "The Karate Kid"? Why not "The Kung Fu Kid" or "Will Smith's Kid" or "Jack It Off"?

Oh, right -- for a moment, I forgot that in Hollywood, all Asians (and their respective forms of native martial arts) are totally interchangeable.

Tony Horton After Dark

Tony Horton has said in interviews that he moved to California years ago because “I wanted to be an actor.” He landed an agent, who told him he needed to get in better shape, which ultimately led to Tony’s incredibly successful career as a trainer and fitness guru.

But this got me thinking: Did Tony ever land any acting jobs?

My online sleuthing (i.e., Google searching) reveals that Tony took on the role of a guy named “Chad” in “The Gymnast,” a 2006 film starring Dreya Weber of P90X fame. This was a couple of years after the P90X series was shot, so I’m assuming Dreya remained friends with Tony despite his inappropriate workplace conduct.

Better yet, it appears that a certain "Tony Sawyer Horton" (his middle name’s no secret -- he put it on his Facebook page) played a detective in “Rebecca’s Secret,” a late night, premium-cable soft-core porn movie. (I have to point out that I totally called this, people.) The movie’s many taglines include "In the Lingerie Business, You're Always Dressed to Kill" and my personal favorite: “Full of Erotic Action Just for You.”

Look, I'm not judging. I recognize that acting gigs aren't easy to get, and it's not like Tony journeyed into the Valley and became a drug-addled Dirk Diggler type. A job's a job, and if it involves a lot of naked people and simulated intercourse, so be it. Besides, I have no idea if he so much as doffed his shirt on camera, as I'm unwilling to fork out $373.90 to order the "Rebecca's Secret" DVD from Amazon to see whether Tony himself actually engaged in any onscreen “Erotic Action Just for You."

Still, I think we can all agree that Tony's decision to abandon tastefully-shot adult entertainment for a career in fitness and exercise was the right one. I, for one, would much rather watch him demonstrate plyo push-ups than catch him on Cinemax pretending to make slow-motion love to a cosmetically-enhanced B-movie starlet in a dimly-lit swimming pool while the bluesy saxophone number wails oh-so-seductively in the background.

[UPDATE 1: Sadly, it turns out Tony only has a bit part in the flick, and his single two-minute scene is anything but scandalous.]

[UPDATE 2: Okay, so Tony's not a porn star. But it turns out that Maren is.]