Yoga Breakdancing

Just because.



[Source]

Of Course.

I mean, did you honestly expect Lady Gaga to do yoga dressed in Lululemon stuff? Please.

(Source: Buzzfeed)

I Don't Sweat -- I Mist.

The good folks at Re-Nest want you to know that there are lots of advantages to having a home gym that’s “both handsome and healthful,” such as: “[y]ou can watch television to make the time pass quickly during your 20-40 minute cardio” and “you are comfortable and completely at ease.”

YES! FINALLY! That’s EXACTLY what I want when I'm exercising: Complete comfort and ease! While watching TV to kill time!

Here’s Re-Nest’s recommended shopping list for starting your very own super-chill home gym on a budget:

• Hand weights – Savasa Hand Weight Set with Workout DVD. $14.99 - $24.99

• Body ball – Savasa Eco Body Ball. $14.95 - $24.00

• Exercise Mat – Natural Fitness Eco Yoga Mat. $29.99

• Gym storage – any bench, basket, chest, or cabinet: West Elm Nailhead Upholstered Bench. $349.00

• Free online exercise demos – sparkpeople.com. $0.00

• Free online fitness videos – Spark People's Youtube channel. $0.00

Total cost: Over $400.

That bench makes me want to put on some Coldplay and curl up in a Snuggie with a soothing cup of fucking chai latte. It does not, however, make me want to work out. I daresay that if you plan on using an upholstered ottoman in place of an exercise bench, you’re pretty much committing to either NOT sweating or investing in a Costco-sized pallet of Scotchgard.

And if you hate exercising so much that you need to stare at something on TV to distract you, just buy a Wii Fit. It won't get you in better shape, but at least it'll only set you back a hundred bucks or so.

Don't get me wrong. I’m not saying you have to accumulate a crapload of equipment to outfit your home gym. But if you have $400 burning a hole in your pocket, and you want to buy some stuff to enable you to ACTUALLY WORK OUT, consider these options instead:

Option A: P90X

What to buy:

• P90X DVDs. $139.80

• A door-frame pull-up bar. $38.00 (But feel free to upgrade.)

• A yoga mat. $13.95 - $19.95

• A bunch of resistance bands. $24.44

Total cost: Less than $225.

Option B: Insanity

What to buy:

• Insanity DVDs. $144.80

• A box of ShamWow towels to mop up your sweat. $15.61

Total cost: $160

Option 3: CrossFit Bodyweight Workouts

What to buy:

• Shane Skowron’s list of CrossFit Bodyweight Workouts. $0.00

• A pull-up bar. This time, let’s splurge on something nicer – let’s go for the StudBar. $139.45

• Olympic rings – prices on Amazon range from $39.95 (for rings by XFit Equipment) to $84.24 (for EXF Rings – I have a pair and love 'em)

• A kettlebell. Kettlebell King -- the cheapest KB seller I could find online -- sells them for about a buck per pound. For our purposes, let's start with a 35-pound kettlebell. $34.65

• Jump rope – I like Buddy Lee’s Aero Speed Hyperformance rope ($39.90) but you can get a basic speedrope (like Valeo's) for much cheaper ($7.74).

Total cost: $228 - $295

Option 4: Run (Barefoot or Close to It!)

What to buy:

• The Barefoot Running Book by Jason Robillard. $14.95

• OPTIONAL: A pair of Vibram FiveFingers. $75 - $100

Total cost: $15 - $115

Keep the change.

The Road to Hell is Paved with Yoga

Prominent Christian leader Albert Mohler, President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary -- one of the world's largest theological seminaries -- is not a fan of yoga. (This probably isn't surprising, given that he thinks Hinduism exhibits "satanic powers.")

A recent post on Mohler's blog explains:

[Y]oga is not merely about physical exercise or health. “All forms of yoga involve occult assumptions,” [Douglas R. Groothuis, Professor of Philosophy at Denver Seminary] warns, “even hatha yoga, which is often presented as a merely physical discipline.” While most adherents of yoga avoid the more exotic forms of ritualized sex that are associated with tantric yoga, virtually all forms of yoga involve an emphasis on channeling sexual energy throughout the body as a means of spiritual enlightenment.

Maybe he's got a point:



So should Christians add yoga to the list of fun things they're not supposed to do, like premarital sex and buying music from places other than Wal-Mart? WWJD about yoga? Must we burn our Christoga DVDs to save our souls from Janine Turner? Is yoga evil?

Pat Robertson thinks so. He says yoga's "really spooky." And Robertson knows spooky.

My two cents? If you're not confident that your faith is strong enough to withstand a couple of sun salutations (OH NOES -- I JUST WORSHIPPED THE SUN!!!), you're probably not very religious in the first place.

And why single out yoga? If I were Mohler, I'd point to much more salient examples of the devil's handiwork, like gourmet cupcakes, the Salahis, honor killings, and the excruciating sounds of Justin Bieber. (In no particular order, obviously.)

(Source: BoingBoing)

Wednesday's Workout

Strength Skill:

• Front Squats

I'm getting much better at keeping my elbows up -- way up! -- in rack position, which was a huge problem for me early on.

It's weird. I haven't done yoga for ages, and my stretching is limited to warming up for my CrossFit classes, but my shoulder mobility has improved significantly. I'd like to chalk it up to doing some Mobility WODs, but frankly, I haven't been able to keep up with Kelly Starrett's daily videos. (Talk about prolific -- that guy's produced a ridiculous amount of content -- for free! -- in just a couple of months.)

Metcon:



"Helen" -- 3 rounds for time:

• 400 meter run
• 21 overhead kettlebell swings (24kg, or for us dumb Americans whose heads explode at the mere mention of the metric system, 53 pounds)
• 12 pull-ups

Result: 11:25. I'm disappointed -- I should have (and could have) run faster, but stupidly tried to conserve energy. Kettlebell swings and pull-ups, though, don't take much out of me, and I really didn't need to pace myself. I should have gone balls-out, but I didn't, and for that, I'm kicking myself.

Yoga Bear

It'd be nice if she put on some yoga pants, though.

(Source: Guardian)

Dog Yoga

Will someone please explain to me why a dog needs to be put in Downward-Facing Dog pose?



(Source: Urlesque)

Another Dump

Let's kick off the week with more random links to explore:

• According to this Daily Beast photo gallery, you'd need to have sex for 3 hours and 40 minutes to work off a Chipotle Steak Burrito. On the plus side, everyone knows that steak burritos are an aphrodisiac.

• Here's a great list of 9 things to do when you're all banged up (from exercising, not working off a steak burrito).

• Are you meeting these basic strength standards?

• Another write-up about CrossFit -- this one featuring this pithy and accurate description by an affiliate owner: "Anyone out there who wants a spa environment, this is not the gym for you. Intensity is not comfortable."

• Despite appearances, the low-impact elliptical trainers hogging up all the space at your neighborhood globo-gym aren't doing any favors for your lower back.

• Can Lady Gaga can do yoga without costume changes between poses?

• Are your fitness goals (or, for that matter, any other goals) specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely? (And just what is the difference between "attainable" and "realistic" goals?)

• Training for marathons can "cause formerly healthy people to develop cardiovascular problems like increased blood pressure and stiffness in the aorta, a new study found." I guess this isn't all that surprising, given that the word "marathon" comes from the ancient Greek legend of Pheidippides, a soldier who ran from Marathon to Athens to announce the defeat of the Persians in the Battle of Marathon -- only to collapse and die upon arrival.

• The New York Times reports on the challenges of designing, marketing and selling clothing for plus-sized women:

The most formidable obstacle lies in creating a prototype. If you already have a line of clothing and a set system of sizing, you cannot simply make bigger sizes. You need whole new systems of pattern-making. “The proportions of the body change as you gain weight, but for women within a certain range of size, there is a predictability to how much, born out by research dating to the 1560s,” explained Kathleen Fasanella, who has made patterns for women’s coats and jackets for three decades. “We know pretty well what a size 6 woman will look like if she edges up to a 10; her bustline might increase an inch,” Fasanella said. “But if a woman goes from a size 16 to a 20, you just can’t say with any certainty how her dimensions will change.”

Thursday's Workout

More rowing practice:

• 1000-meter row
• 1 minute rest
• 1000-meter row

I finished the first 1000 meters in 4:06, and the second 1000 meters in 4:05. My short-term goal -- which I hope to achieve by the end of next week -- is to finish a 2000-meter row (without a break) in less than 8:10. Serious doubt is creeping in.

Afterwards, I popped in my Fountain of Youth yoga DVD. In my opinion, one of the drawbacks of CrossFit is that there's not much of an emphasis placed on stretching, flexibility and balance, so it was nice to squeeze in some sun salutations and warrior poses. After a hard row, I definitely needed to work the lactic acid out of my aching legs.

Sunday's Workout

M and I tried out Chalene Johnson's "Stretch 40" DVD from her TurboFire series this morning. It's a decent combination of yoga moves (sun salutations and some Warrior poses) and stretching exercises, but in retrospect, I think I should have just stayed in bed for another hour instead. Despite Chalene's shiny-happy peppiness, I remained tired and cranky. The past week has been exhausting. I need some sleep. Or maybe I'm still weirded out by Maren's porn video.

Tuesday's Workout

Lest you think that I've wholly abandoned Tony for CrossFit, I'll have you know that my morning workout consisted solely of Fountain of Youth yoga. Having not done any yoga for a couple of weeks, my glutes and hamstrings were burning during the Warrior poses, but by the end of the session, I was back in the flow and got nicely stretched out.

(But honestly? I kind of wish I'd thrown in a batshit-crazy CrossFit metcon session.)

Round 3 / Day 100: Elise Gulan's Yoga Fitness Plus

I have no idea who Elise Gulan is, nor do I have any good explanation for why I decided to try one of her yoga workouts from ExerciseTV On Demand (other than the fact that I'm getting a little tired of my workout DVDs). Yoga Fitness Plus started off easy enough, but quickly grew to challenge me more than I wanted for recovery purposes. The Chatarunga-to-Downward Dog-to-Runner's Pose-to-Warrior Two-to-Triangle Pose-to-Warrior Three-to-Half Moon-to-Airplane Pose-to-Twisting Half Moon-to-Standing Splits-to-Glute Raises-to-Warrior Two-to-Runner's Pose-to-Chatarunga sequence pretty much wiped me out. Elise Gulan, on the other hand, stays as perky as ever while nailing all the poses and chirpily coaching throughout.

I'm going to do this workout again (and soon); the next time around, I'll know not to underestimate how difficult a free On Demand yoga session can be.

If you're interested in trying it out, Yoga Fitness Plus is available for free (streaming) online here. I guarantee you'll find it harder than P90X Yoga X.

Round 3 / Day 95: Power Yoga - Total Body Workout

For a change of pace today, I stuck in a Rodney Yee yoga DVD.



Strangely enough, I found it to be at once too easy and too hard. The flow of the moves was serene and not at all exhausting -- it was almost as low-key as the movements in P90X X Stretch. Yet at the same time, I struggled with my technique, and my balance and lunge poses were more wobblier than I like.

Still, all in all, I can't complain; it felt great to do yoga this morning instead of pounding my body and risking an overuse injury.

Kung Fu vs. Yoga

Just because.

Round 3 / Day 88: One-on-One with Tony Horton - Fountain of Youth

Yoga yoga yoga yoga yoga. Yoga yoga. Yoga yoga yoga yoga; yoga yoga (yoga!) yoga yoga.

Yoga yoga yoga, yoga yoga -- yoga yoga yoga yoga. "Yoga," yoga yoga. "Yoga yoga yoga yoga, yoga yoga yoga yoga yoga yoga."

Yoga?

Yoga.

Finally: Yoga Mats for Manly Men

You know the thing that keeps most guys from doing yoga? It's not just the perception that yoga is "weird" or "new age-y" or "girly." It's the fact that yoga mats aren't printed to look like basketball courts.

Or football fields.

Or weirdly rectangular baseball diamonds.

Thankfully, Kent Katich -- real-life husband of George Lopez's TV wife, owner of All Sport Yoga and "yoga guru of the NBA" -- is marketing these desperately-needed goods to those unwilling to give yoga a shot without making damn clear to others (and themselves) that they're doing Downward Dogs only because Dirk Fucking Nowitzki does 'em. I can't wait for the NASCAR version, because my kids'll also be able to use my mat when they're playing with their Hot Wheels.

I have to give Katich credit: Making accessories for yogaphobes is a great business idea. Don't tell anyone, but I have an idea for découpaging photos of Chuck Liddell, B.J. Penn and Rampage Jackson to yoga blocks and selling them to MMA fans secretly yearning to do sun salutations.

Round 3 / Day 81: One-on-One with Tony Horton - Fountain of Youth

Unbelievably creaky/rickety this morning, and even 45 minutes of yoga didn't loosen me up much. I guess there are limits to even Tony Horton's abilities.

I kind of need a break.

Round 3 / Day 74: One-on-One with Tony Horton - Fountain of Youth

The power was out when I woke up this morning in pitch darkness. No electricity = no TV or DVD player = no Tony Horton = more sleep for me.

This also meant having to squeeze in a session of yoga after dinner, when I'd rather be watching "Lost" or reading one of the many unfinished books gathering dust on my nightstand. But the silver lining is that like most people, my body's a lot more flexible at night than it is in the morning, and I ended up with an unusually satisfying and super-stretchy workout. I'm a Tin Man in the A.M., and Gumby in the P.M.

Yoga Overdose

Yoga's taught in prison. Yoga mats are being donated to Haitian earthquake victims. Some yoga instructors will (allegedly) molest you. Some yoga enthusiasts are super-old, and some are enormous douchbags (and I'm not talking about Tony Horton). Stuck at an airport and upset that you're not the center of attention? Stand on your head. Are you obsessed with Star Wars? Try the X-Wing Pose. Want to learn about the father of yoga in America? There's a book for that.

Yoga's everywhere these days. As Gawker put it, yoga is "out of control":

Laughter yoga. Nazi yoga. Donation yoga with Dave Matthews playing in the background. Thank you, yoga. That's enough.

Hippie yoga. Celebrity yoga. Charity yoga. Yoga books. Yoga while eating. Yoga on the road. Yoga in the park. Yoga as a nontraditional workout for athletes in traditional sports.

Yoga people have become the new "Let me tell you about my workout" guy. And nobody likes that guy.

(But...but... I'm that guy.)

Round 3 / Day 67: Jillian Michaels' Yoga Meltdown - Level 2 Workout

It's my Recovery Week, and I wanted to do some yoga this morning, but wasn't exactly champing (chomping?) at the bit to do yet another session of Fountain of Youth or Yoga X. M suggested that I try her Jillian Michaels' Yoga Meltdown video, so I gamely popped it into the DVD player and selected the "Level 2" workout, guessing (based on nothing at all) that it was the more advanced of the two 30-minute sessions on the disc.

This workout's perfectly fine -- it features Jillian Michaels (the tougher/meaner of the two "Biggest Loser" trainers) front and center, doing an interesting hybrid of Ashtanga yoga moves (done faster than typical) and mild cardio. Most of the moves involve holding a yoga pose (Chair Lunge with a Twist, for example, or Half Moon) for a moment or two, and then quickly moving in and out of the pose to give your blood a little pump.

Michaels doesn't establish much of a flow between exercises or poses, nor does she bother with setting any sort of serene or zen-like atmosphere. Instead, the focus is clearly on power and movement rather than flexibility and balance (though she does spend some time trying -- and sometimes failing -- to stay balanced on one foot). I, for one, didn't mind it. It's definitely not "yoga" in the traditional sense, and I don't think I "burn[ed] mega calories" as indicated on the cover of the DVD box, but it was a good change of pace. Plus, while the session required more than a modicum of effort, it was low-key enough to qualify as a recovery workout.

One other thing I liked about this workout: We did Crane.

I kind of wish Michaels didn't keep referring to the audience as "girls," though. I already felt girly enough without the reminder that this DVD is targeted at women, thankyouverymuch.