(Source: I Am Bored)
Showing posts with label Chalene Johnson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chalene Johnson. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
WTF?
I wouldn't be surprised if boot fetishist Chalene Johnson sports similar footwear on her next set of fitness videos. (But she would Bedazzle them first, obviously.)
(Source: I Am Bored)
(Source: I Am Bored)
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Saturday's Workout
M and I didn't get home last night until almost 1 a.m., and I was ready to collapse before we managed to open our front door. I'd been up since 4:20 a.m. (CrossFit class waits for no one), and I desperately needed my beauty sleep.
Thankfully, the kids spent the night at their grandparents' place, so we got a couple of extra hours of shut-eye before dragging our asses into the garage to exercise.
"Isn't it pathetic?" M mused. "For once, the boys aren't here, and we could have gone out to brunch or the Farmer's Market or something. We could have gotten a ton of stuff done. But instead, we decided to work out in the garage."
Answer: Yes, we are pathetic.
M worked out to her Chalene Johnson DVDs while I did another day of my (customized and expanded) Power to the People program:
Big mistake.
At the time, it felt nice to get reacquainted with the pace and exercises in Shaun T's workouts. Having not done an Insanity workout in weeks, I even felt a wee bit nostalgic about the pulsing, mildly-annoying background music. The moves were just as challenging as I remembered, and I certainly broke a sweat.
But did I overextend myself today? Definitely. I'm zonked. After dinner, sitting beside my two-year-old as he watched a cartoon, I fell asleep. When I woke up, I realized that I'd collapsed on my toddler, and was using a small child as a pillow.
Thankfully, the kids spent the night at their grandparents' place, so we got a couple of extra hours of shut-eye before dragging our asses into the garage to exercise.
"Isn't it pathetic?" M mused. "For once, the boys aren't here, and we could have gone out to brunch or the Farmer's Market or something. We could have gotten a ton of stuff done. But instead, we decided to work out in the garage."
Answer: Yes, we are pathetic.
M worked out to her Chalene Johnson DVDs while I did another day of my (customized and expanded) Power to the People program:
- 2 sets of 5 deadlifts
- 2 sets of 5 side presses
- 2 sets of 5 weighted pull-ups
- 2 sets of 10 weighted push-ups
- Handstand practice
Big mistake.
At the time, it felt nice to get reacquainted with the pace and exercises in Shaun T's workouts. Having not done an Insanity workout in weeks, I even felt a wee bit nostalgic about the pulsing, mildly-annoying background music. The moves were just as challenging as I remembered, and I certainly broke a sweat.
But did I overextend myself today? Definitely. I'm zonked. After dinner, sitting beside my two-year-old as he watched a cartoon, I fell asleep. When I woke up, I realized that I'd collapsed on my toddler, and was using a small child as a pillow.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Saturday's Workout
I woke up determined to complete my 2K row test today. It's the last of the 22 items on my CrossFit Level One test. I've finished everything else (even the damned wall balls), and knew I had just one week left in the month to complete this one remaining task. The problem? The 2K test is notorious for being hellish.
Here's how one rowing coach describes it:
The Level One test requires that I finish a 2K row in 8:10 or less -- a mark I've never managed to achieve at home. I've been practicing on the rowing machine (ergometer or "erg") in our garage, with underwhelming results. (Examples are here and here.) In fact, the one time I tried to row 2K for time, I missed the 8:10 mark by 6 seconds. (And then promptly toppled off because both of my quads seized up painfully.)
I've been telling myself that the 8:10 standard wouldn't be so bad if I were larger, heavier, and/or had longer legs. Rowing is all about using a forceful leg drive to crank out a long, powerful stroke; sadly, my small size, stubby legs and shitty technique all contribute to a less-than-efficient stroke. Concept2's website features a Weight Adjustment Calculator that equalizes the performance of rowers of different weights, and it shows that -- for my weight -- I'm actually doing much better than my results indicate. But it's of little comfort. The Level One test doesn't distinguish between a little guy like me and a 6'4" 200-pound rower whose legs reach up to his neck; we both have to finish in 8:10 or less.
I knew I had to give it a shot today -- not because I was confident in my abilities, but out of abject fear and self-doubt. Chances were good that I'd fail today, but if that happened, I'd have another week to try again.
After stretching in the morning, I tried to keep as loose and relaxed as possible. Then, at 11, I drove to the gym, where a number of others were chipping away at Level One and Two tests of their own. No one, however, was doing the 2K test but me. The ergs were all lined up outside in the sun.
Chasing the butterflies out of my stomach with a swig of water, I hopped on one of the ergs next to another Level One test-taker, Jimmy, who was rowing to warm up for his squat test. "Just keep a good pace," Jimmy advised. "Keep it at a 2:00 [500-meter split] pace and you'll be fine." Easier said than done, I thought.
"Did you already do your 2K?" I asked.
"Yeah." He laughed. "It was the single toughest CrossFit workout I've ever done. When I finished, I just rolled off and clutched my legs for fifteen minutes. I couldn't walk. It was BRUTAL."
Great.
I didn't want to think about it anymore, so I just started cranking away.
The first 500 meters were relatively easy -- and I was surprised to see that my average 500-meter split was 1:45 -- much faster than I'd expected to go. But then came the second 500 -- and I started to feel the burn building up in my thighs. And my split time -- while still under 1:50 -- started creeping up. Fuck.
By the time I arrived at the third 500, sweat was pouring down in sheets, and my breathing was sharp and irregular. My lungs were bursting. I wasn't just aching anymore -- I was in serious pain. My legs were on fire, and my hip flexors felt like they were about to explode.
Just then, Tim walked over and glanced at the digital display on the monitor. "Great pace!" he said encouragingly. Then he looked at the damper setting. "Did you know you're set to a higher resistance than necessary?" I couldn't catch my breath to answer. Didn't matter anyway -- I was too far into the test to change the setting now. Getting no response from me, Tim gave me a quizzical look and strolled off to check out some other test-takers.
Two guys came over to check out my performance as I entered my last 500 meters. My strokes were now ragged, inconsistent and feeble. I was wobbling from side to side, and my knees were starting to splay out. My throat was on fire. This was getting really, really ugly.
But as my cheering section -- consisting of two complete strangers -- yelled out words of encouragement, I started to just pull away with abandon. "You only have 200 meters left! Let it fly!" It's incredibly clichéd, but I closed my eyes and left it all out there. It wasn't pretty, but I went as fast as I could go. Failure was not an option because I couldn't fathom having to repeat this monster.
When I finally heard a whoop of congratulations from the guys hovering above me, I opened my eyes. According to the monitor, I finished in 7:45 -- more than half a minute faster than my single previous attempt, and 25 seconds faster than I needed for Level One. Most rowers would laugh at my pathetic 2K time, but to me, it felt like a herculean accomplishment. (My weight-adjusted time was 6:40.)
I was in too much pain to celebrate the completion of my Level One requirements. My legs were so cramped up that I couldn't do anything but rock back and forth on the erg, moaning and punching my thighs. After a few minutes, I tried to stand up, but my left knee buckled and I stumbled to the ground. I crawled a few steps into the gym, and lay on the floor. Tim snapped a photo of me as my sweat seeped into the floor. I tried to mug for the camera and crack a joke, but I was too hoarse (which was puzzling, given that I hadn't said a word during the row). Even after driving home and crashing on the couch, it took me another hour and a half to feel somewhat normal again.
But enough bragging and whining. As M reminded me: "Your entire workout took less than 8 minutes."
She's right, but that eight minutes wrecked me. With my immune system shot to shit, I promptly developed a fever and am now down with a cold.
It was worth it to finish the Level One test, though!
The Devil's Plaything
Here's how one rowing coach describes it:
The 2k test became a staple in the rowing world in 1995, when the Charles River All Star Has Beens changed the format of their little event from 2500m to 2k. Everyone can blame these clowns for the invention of the dreaded erg test in 1980. They thought it would be "fun." Thus the erg, never very popular before, became synonymous with pain.
You see, there is a big difference in discomfort between a 6000m and 2000m test. As I've written before, the 6k is a test of endurance and mental toughness. The 2k emphasizes endurance, power delivery, mental toughness, and pain tolerance. The 2k hurts you, if you do it right. It hurts you a lot.The pain stems from muscle fatigue and lactic acid build-up. Rowers have been known to go beyond hypoxia and barf all over themselves during a 2K test.
The Level One test requires that I finish a 2K row in 8:10 or less -- a mark I've never managed to achieve at home. I've been practicing on the rowing machine (ergometer or "erg") in our garage, with underwhelming results. (Examples are here and here.) In fact, the one time I tried to row 2K for time, I missed the 8:10 mark by 6 seconds. (And then promptly toppled off because both of my quads seized up painfully.)
I've been telling myself that the 8:10 standard wouldn't be so bad if I were larger, heavier, and/or had longer legs. Rowing is all about using a forceful leg drive to crank out a long, powerful stroke; sadly, my small size, stubby legs and shitty technique all contribute to a less-than-efficient stroke. Concept2's website features a Weight Adjustment Calculator that equalizes the performance of rowers of different weights, and it shows that -- for my weight -- I'm actually doing much better than my results indicate. But it's of little comfort. The Level One test doesn't distinguish between a little guy like me and a 6'4" 200-pound rower whose legs reach up to his neck; we both have to finish in 8:10 or less.
I knew I had to give it a shot today -- not because I was confident in my abilities, but out of abject fear and self-doubt. Chances were good that I'd fail today, but if that happened, I'd have another week to try again.
After stretching in the morning, I tried to keep as loose and relaxed as possible. Then, at 11, I drove to the gym, where a number of others were chipping away at Level One and Two tests of their own. No one, however, was doing the 2K test but me. The ergs were all lined up outside in the sun.
Chasing the butterflies out of my stomach with a swig of water, I hopped on one of the ergs next to another Level One test-taker, Jimmy, who was rowing to warm up for his squat test. "Just keep a good pace," Jimmy advised. "Keep it at a 2:00 [500-meter split] pace and you'll be fine." Easier said than done, I thought.
"Did you already do your 2K?" I asked.
"Yeah." He laughed. "It was the single toughest CrossFit workout I've ever done. When I finished, I just rolled off and clutched my legs for fifteen minutes. I couldn't walk. It was BRUTAL."
Great.
I didn't want to think about it anymore, so I just started cranking away.
The first 500 meters were relatively easy -- and I was surprised to see that my average 500-meter split was 1:45 -- much faster than I'd expected to go. But then came the second 500 -- and I started to feel the burn building up in my thighs. And my split time -- while still under 1:50 -- started creeping up. Fuck.
By the time I arrived at the third 500, sweat was pouring down in sheets, and my breathing was sharp and irregular. My lungs were bursting. I wasn't just aching anymore -- I was in serious pain. My legs were on fire, and my hip flexors felt like they were about to explode.
Just then, Tim walked over and glanced at the digital display on the monitor. "Great pace!" he said encouragingly. Then he looked at the damper setting. "Did you know you're set to a higher resistance than necessary?" I couldn't catch my breath to answer. Didn't matter anyway -- I was too far into the test to change the setting now. Getting no response from me, Tim gave me a quizzical look and strolled off to check out some other test-takers.
Two guys came over to check out my performance as I entered my last 500 meters. My strokes were now ragged, inconsistent and feeble. I was wobbling from side to side, and my knees were starting to splay out. My throat was on fire. This was getting really, really ugly.
But as my cheering section -- consisting of two complete strangers -- yelled out words of encouragement, I started to just pull away with abandon. "You only have 200 meters left! Let it fly!" It's incredibly clichéd, but I closed my eyes and left it all out there. It wasn't pretty, but I went as fast as I could go. Failure was not an option because I couldn't fathom having to repeat this monster.
When I finally heard a whoop of congratulations from the guys hovering above me, I opened my eyes. According to the monitor, I finished in 7:45 -- more than half a minute faster than my single previous attempt, and 25 seconds faster than I needed for Level One. Most rowers would laugh at my pathetic 2K time, but to me, it felt like a herculean accomplishment. (My weight-adjusted time was 6:40.)
I was in too much pain to celebrate the completion of my Level One requirements. My legs were so cramped up that I couldn't do anything but rock back and forth on the erg, moaning and punching my thighs. After a few minutes, I tried to stand up, but my left knee buckled and I stumbled to the ground. I crawled a few steps into the gym, and lay on the floor. Tim snapped a photo of me as my sweat seeped into the floor. I tried to mug for the camera and crack a joke, but I was too hoarse (which was puzzling, given that I hadn't said a word during the row). Even after driving home and crashing on the couch, it took me another hour and a half to feel somewhat normal again.
But enough bragging and whining. As M reminded me: "Your entire workout took less than 8 minutes."
She's right, but that eight minutes wrecked me. With my immune system shot to shit, I promptly developed a fever and am now down with a cold.
It was worth it to finish the Level One test, though!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Sunday's Workout
M and I tried out Chalene Johnson's "Stretch 40" DVD from her TurboFire series this morning. It's a decent combination of yoga moves (sun salutations and some Warrior poses) and stretching exercises, but in retrospect, I think I should have just stayed in bed for another hour instead. Despite Chalene's shiny-happy peppiness, I remained tired and cranky. The past week has been exhausting. I need some sleep. Or maybe I'm still weirded out by Maren's porn video.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Sunday's Workout
I did Tony Horton's 20-minute One-on-One Killer Abs workout this morning, but M just got Chalene Johnson's newest BeachBody home fitness program, TurboFire, and wanted to test drive the HIIT 15 DVD this evening, so I joined her.
As with Chalene's other programs, TurboFire features colorfully-dressed and ridiculously peppy fitness zombies -- almost all female -- enthusiastically doing cardio on a brightly-lit studio set. HIIT 15 consists of three circuits -- each featuring three 30-to-40 second long sequences of jumps, squats, lunges, and the like.
HIIT 15's not as intense as (and definitely shorter than) a typical Insanity workout, and it's definitely geared towards a female audience, but I certainly broke a sweat. M's about to start the full 20-week TurboFire program, and it's possible I'll join her again on a CrossFit off-day just for kicks. Especially if, say, I happened to eat four mini-cupcakes earlier in the day.
As with Chalene's other programs, TurboFire features colorfully-dressed and ridiculously peppy fitness zombies -- almost all female -- enthusiastically doing cardio on a brightly-lit studio set. HIIT 15 consists of three circuits -- each featuring three 30-to-40 second long sequences of jumps, squats, lunges, and the like.
HIIT 15's not as intense as (and definitely shorter than) a typical Insanity workout, and it's definitely geared towards a female audience, but I certainly broke a sweat. M's about to start the full 20-week TurboFire program, and it's possible I'll join her again on a CrossFit off-day just for kicks. Especially if, say, I happened to eat four mini-cupcakes earlier in the day.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Round 3 / Day 92: P90X+ Total Body Plus + ChaLEAN Extreme Dynamic Flow Yoga
Total Body Plus offers a ton of variety, but -- true to form -- I've found a nit to pick: Many of the names Tony assigns to the exercises are totally non-descriptive, and he doesn't bother to give detailed instruction. If you've never encountered this workout before, chances are you have no idea what Tony's talking about when he tells you to crank out sets of "O-Crunch Push-Ups," "Chuck-Up Xs," "Bella Twists," and "Kid Plays." Even more confusingly, the "Plyo Push-Ups" in Total Body Plus are totally different from (and much easier than) the ones Tony does in P90X Chest, Shoulders & Triceps. Since I only dust off this workout once every month or so, I find myself frequently stopping just to watch the video to figure out how to actually perform a "Lara Lunge Crunch," and to ponder whether Tony's reaching too deep into his bag of tricks in an attempt to keep things interesting. Who's Bella? And Chuck? And Lara?
I don't need oddly-named exercise variations in order to stave off boredom. This evening, in the aftermath of a too-big barbecue dinner, I joined M as she did the Dynamic Flow Yoga routine that came in her ChaLEAN Extreme Deluxe Upgrade Package. We each strapped on a pair of hand weights and started doing Vinyasas and Warrior poses, and pretty soon, I was sweatier than Ed Asner in a sauna. It was a great change of pace -- and I appreciated the fact that Chalene Johnson didn't go out and name a bunch of moves after her mailman and her next-door-neighbor's ex-boyfriend.
I don't need oddly-named exercise variations in order to stave off boredom. This evening, in the aftermath of a too-big barbecue dinner, I joined M as she did the Dynamic Flow Yoga routine that came in her ChaLEAN Extreme Deluxe Upgrade Package. We each strapped on a pair of hand weights and started doing Vinyasas and Warrior poses, and pretty soon, I was sweatier than Ed Asner in a sauna. It was a great change of pace -- and I appreciated the fact that Chalene Johnson didn't go out and name a bunch of moves after her mailman and her next-door-neighbor's ex-boyfriend.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Round 3 / Day 71: P90X+ Upper Body Plus + Abs / Core Plus (+ ChaLEAN Extreme - I've Got Abs!)
I struggled a little bit during my morning session of Upper Plus. Every time I cycle off of a Recovery Week, I come back feeling a little...off. This was most evident in my pull-up sets -- I petered out much sooner than I expected. After finishing the workout, I decided to take a raincheck on Abs / Core Plus.
But feeling guilty, I decided to knock off Abs / Core Plus tonight, after the kids had gone to bed. I felt much better this evening; not only did I find Abs / Core Plus to be less than challenging (I much prefer Killer Abs from Tony Horton's One-on-One series), I joined M as she did the "I Got Abs!" workout from Chalene Johnson's ChaLEAN Extreme program. You wouldn't know it from Chalene's exercise garb (she's clearly a Bedazzler fan) or from the cheesy name of this video, but it delivered a pretty damn decent core workout.
But feeling guilty, I decided to knock off Abs / Core Plus tonight, after the kids had gone to bed. I felt much better this evening; not only did I find Abs / Core Plus to be less than challenging (I much prefer Killer Abs from Tony Horton's One-on-One series), I joined M as she did the "I Got Abs!" workout from Chalene Johnson's ChaLEAN Extreme program. You wouldn't know it from Chalene's exercise garb (she's clearly a Bedazzler fan) or from the cheesy name of this video, but it delivered a pretty damn decent core workout.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
P90X Day 87: Kenpo X
I've been wanting to abandon Kenpo X for some time now. It doesn't offer a great cardio workout, nor is it as intense as the other P90X videos. I was hoping my Insanity DVDs would arrive before today so that I could swap out Kenpo X for a total ass-kicking by Shaun T, but for reasons known only to Beachbody, my order (placed one week ago today) and extra payment for 2-day ground shipping from UPS isn't scheduled to arrive until the end of this week. Fuckers.
Anyway, M and I both did Kenpo X this morning. I'd been using 3-pound dumbells while performing the punches and jabs, but upped the weight to 5 pounds today and managed to break a sweat. I could feel the burn in my shoulders again. M, however, finished the workout and judged it to be far inferior to the cardio routines in ChaLEAN Extreme. "I would've gotten a better cardio workout if I just spent the hour doing jumping jacks and running in place," she declared.
I think she's right.
Anyway, M and I both did Kenpo X this morning. I'd been using 3-pound dumbells while performing the punches and jabs, but upped the weight to 5 pounds today and managed to break a sweat. I could feel the burn in my shoulders again. M, however, finished the workout and judged it to be far inferior to the cardio routines in ChaLEAN Extreme. "I would've gotten a better cardio workout if I just spent the hour doing jumping jacks and running in place," she declared.
I think she's right.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
P90X Day 14: Rest Day / ChaLEAN Extreme
I wasn't satisfied with the leisurely X Stretch "workout" last week, and I didn't want to just sit on my ass today, so M and I did the ChaLEAN Extreme "Burn Intervals" workout. Chalene Johnson -- the eponymous creator of the program (which, like P90X, is created and sold by Beachbody) -- takes viewers through a bunch of moves that alternate between simple cardio routines and resistance exercises with low weights/high reps. Chalene herself appears to be a peppy, athletic, ex-cheerleader Orange County mom who gets her teeth professionally whitened.
"I like Chalene," M says. "I'd want to be friends with her." But not Tony Horton: "He seems like such an ass," opines my wife.
All in all, the workout wasn't too bad -- it was on the short side, and it's clearly designed more for women than men, but I broke a sweat (when do I not?) and enjoyed the change of pace. Besides, the P90X studio resembles a dungeon, and it's nice to break out once in a while.
"I like Chalene," M says. "I'd want to be friends with her." But not Tony Horton: "He seems like such an ass," opines my wife.
All in all, the workout wasn't too bad -- it was on the short side, and it's clearly designed more for women than men, but I broke a sweat (when do I not?) and enjoyed the change of pace. Besides, the P90X studio resembles a dungeon, and it's nice to break out once in a while.
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