CrossFit "Laura"

There's a difference between SIC and sick.

Case in point: The "Laura" WOD:

• Row 500 meters
• Chug a beer in 60 seconds
• Row 500 meters
• Eat an ice cream bar in 60 seconds
• Row 500 meters
• Eat a pie in 60 seconds
• Do 15 burpees

This workout (performed by Laura from CrossFit Melbourne) looks worse than anything else I've ever done. Not only does it heavily emphasize rowing (my nemesis), but also the ingestion of all sorts of non-Paleo awfulness -- and finishing with burpees. If it were me, I'm pretty sure that yellow bucket would be put to good use.

Monday's Workout: Flock of Seagulls

To make sure I didn't kick off the week with another set of penalty burpees, I arrived at the gym a few minutes early this morning. But I wasn't the only eager beaver. As I got out of my car, our two favorite CrossFitting Marines pulled into the space next to me. And the Terminator was already inside the box, stretching. All in all, a dozen sleepy souls made it to CrossFit Palo Alto at 5 a.m. to shake off the weekend cobwebs.

Strength Skill:

• Jerks (2 sets of 3, 3 sets of 1)

I maxed out with a jerk just slightly (ten pounds) above my bodyweight. Unfortunately, I still had two more single (max) rep sets to go. Adding more weight didn't seem to do much, though, except bruise my ego and make loud noises when I was forced to dump the bar each time. Still: I hit my goal for this cycle -- and notched a new PR to boot.

After the jump: Monday's metcon, and some barf.

A Fool & His Money...

I just finished reading the Wall Street Journal's recent article about The Ranch at Live Oak in Malibu. The author of the piece, Christina Binkley, plunked down thousands of dollars to spend one week at this “120-acre ranch tucked into the Santa Monica Mountains,” a health resort that “caters to wealthy A-listers with Spartan but perfectly appointed private cottages, and niceties such as laundry service and a daily aphorism placed on pillows.”

But at its heart, The Ranch appears to be just another expensive fat camp, with an approach centered around starvation and overexercise.

Among Binkley’s observations and experiences:

• For one month before her visit, Binkley was told to “prepare with daily hikes and yoga” and to abstain from eating certain foods -- including meat.

• A typical vegetarian lunch at the Ranch consisted of two baby beets, a baby turnip, “sprigs of red-ribbon sorrel and micro-arugula.” Dinner? “Artichoke heart with fava bean puree, a glazed cipollini onion, pea shoots and tendrils.” Daily caloric intake? 1,100 calories.

• Guests begin their day with yoga at 5:30 a.m., and then head out on a six-hour mountain hike, during which “[s]everal guests vomited —- repeatedly.” (The Ranch’s program director told Binkley that diarrhea is also to be expected.)

• Of course, The Ranch provided a mid-hike snack for each guest: 3 almonds and 2 cashews.

• No rest for the weary: Afternoon exercise classes -- including TRX resistance routines and more yoga -- are mandatory at The Ranch.

But somehow, by the end of the week, Binkley had succumbed to the Stockholm Syndrome. Her article ends with a rosy view of her experience.

And sadly -- shamefully -- I know just how she felt.

More after the jump...

Pep Talk

M's first CrossFit class is tomorrow. I've told her she'll do great, but I don't think she believes me.

The problem, I think, is that while CrossFit HQ is wildly inconsistent in the way it promotes CrossFit. On the one hand, it points out that this fitness approach as being open and welcoming to everyone (even your grandmother!), but on the other, it touts itself as being so "extreme" that it "can kill you." (Incidentally, you're much more likely to die from running than from CrossFit.)

It's also incredibly unhelpful (and misleading) that CrossFit's unofficial mascot is a clown suffering from rhabdomyolysis:

In my opinion, the wannabe bad-asses who pride themselves on having "met Pukie" are doing CrossFit a huge disservice by turning off reasonable folks who are looking to develop functional fitness (and have fun in the process) without vomiting into a bucket. Let's be honest: Unless you're plowing through a WOD with a stomach bug (which you shouldn't be doing anyway), barfing during a workout is a sign of bad scaling or coaching -- not a badge of honor.

Thankfully, our gym (CrossFit Palo Alto) doesn't celebrate this crap. Here, the programming is challenging -- not batshit crazy. And M's not too proud to scale.

Still, she could use a pep talk. Any words of wisdom for a newbie?

For the Win

Sometimes, after a hard-fought victory, you just gotta vomit everywhere. Twice.

Another Reason To Work Out On An Empty Stomach

Evidently, squatting and vomiting go hand-in-hand.