Photoshop, Tanning Beds, & PAM

Interesting.



But what explains this photo?

Wednesday's Workout: Sumo Fran

There's no better way to start a morning than with a workout named after a 1930s strongman, the national sport of Japan, and a nasally-voiced nanny from Queens.

Strength Skill:

• Zercher Squats (3 sets of 3, 2 sets of 1)

By the end, I thought I'd PR'ed, given the effort it took for me to complete the final rep. But then I checked my notebook and saw that I managed to squat 30 more pounds back in December. I guess that's the target for next Wednesday.

Metcon:

Time for some Sumo Fran -- essentially Fran, but with sumo deadlift high-pulls in place of the thrusters.

For time:

• 21 SDHPs (95lbs)
• 21 pull-ups
• 15 SDHPs (95lbs)
• 15 pull-ups
• 9 SDHPs (95lbs)
• 9 pull-ups

In a word: Awesome. I can't feel my forearms any more, but it was totally worth it.

Result: 5:35 as RXed. My Sumo Fran time's about a minute faster than my regular old Fran time -- probably 'cause I suck at thrusters. But I also prefer Sumo Fran because: (1) I can dump the bar between reps without losing a ton of time, and (2) it gives me an excuse to poorly Photoshop Fran Drescher's head onto a female sumo wrestler's body.

Well, Duh.

As if we needed another reason to avoid fast food joints.

Much like Demi Moore's hips and before-and-after photos in supplement ads, fast food is the subject of a lot of fakery.

My favorite reality-vs.-advertising photo comparison: Taco Bell's Cantina tacos.

More here.

(Source: Alphaila)

Dress to Impress

Want to look fitter but too lazy to fix your diet or exercise? No need to pay a plastic surgeon for some pec or ass implants. Instead:

• Dress strategically to look slimmer than you actually are.
• Invest in some Ript Fusion undershirts or Spanx for men and encase your flab in a man girdle.
• Buy a bumkini.
• Let the Waistband Stretcher work its magic.
• Engage in some photo fakery.

But at the end of the day, don't you think you'll feel better about yourself if you just get off your butt and get healthy?

Mash-Up

Have you come across this yet?

The "Knife and Fork Lift" are a pair of 9-inch, 1.5-pound dumbbells that double as eating utensils for those who are "starting a diet or having trouble remaining on one." But while it's probably true that the Knife and Fork Lift pose enough of a mealtime embarrassment and inconvenience that dieters will think twice before mindlessly shoveling food into their mouths, I call bullshit on the marketing claim that "[l]ifting food with these utensils is like doing curls with dumbbells."

Still, this got me thinking: If there's money to be made by simply mashing together an essential life activity with exercise, I have some ideas, which I've (poorly) illustrated below with Photoshop:

1. The Pull-Up Sports Bottle. Mount a hamster-cage-type water bottle above a pull-up bar, and allow yourself a swig only if/when you can haul yourself up above the bar.

2. Dessert Plate Push-Up. When tempted by a sugary, fattening plate of dessert, immediately get into a plank position and place the calorie bomb on the floor beneath your face. Ingest only what you can get into your mouth as you go down while doing push-ups.

3. Yoga Squat Defecation. When you need to expel all the crap just you ate, do it in style. Use a squat toilet, and maintain a perfect Malasana garland pose throughout.

I smell money.

P90X: Taking a Chunk Out of Demi's Hip

The blogosphere has been abuzz about the image of proud P90Xer Demi Moore on the cover of the December issue of W Magazine. In the photo, a chunk of flesh appears to be missing from her hip, leading to criticisms of the incompetent Photoshopping that mangled Demi's leg:

From looking at the "original" image posted by Demi herself (on Twitter), though, it's likely that her hip wasn't retouched at all. So what, then, is responsible for Demi's misshapen (or just insanely toned and narrow) pelvis?

Could it possibly be, say, a 90-day workout program designed by a spectacularly douchey gentleman in an ugly hat?

[UPDATE: Looks like that "original" image Demi posted on Twitter wasn't that original after all. More details can be found here.]

How to Fake "Before" & "After" Photos

"Bigger, Stronger, Faster," an excellent documentary about the use of anabolic steroids, features a segment in which a professional photographer demonstrates how "before" and "after" photos can be faked by companies that sell fitness products and supplements:



The Las Vegas Weekly also recently wrote about how to fake before-and-after photos.

I'm not suggesting that Beachbody engages in Photoshop trickery. I'm pretty confident that the photos of "real people" featured in P90X ads are real (though, as Begin to Dig has pointed out, the company may use more dramatic lighting and slimming poses to further enhance P90X grads' legitimately ripped physiques in some of the "after" shots).

But the next time someone trots out "before" and "after" photos to try to get you to buy something, be skeptical. And if you catch the fakery, kick 'em in the balls for me.

Stirring Up Trouble

Coming in for a Landing (CAW! CAW!)