Moderation and Personal Responsibility Have Worked Out Well For Paula Deen

“The worst, most dangerous person to America is clearly Paula Deen. She revels in unholy connections with evil corporations and she's proud of the fact that her food is fucking bad for you. I would think twice before telling an already obese nation that it is okay to eat food that is killing us. Plus, her food sucks." 

-Anthony Bourdain

Remember when I wrote about the speculation that Paula Deen is secretly diabetic? Speculate no more!

This morning, the 64-year-old Deen announced to Al Roker that she has Type 2 diabetes, and admitted that she’s been hiding this secret for three years “because I had to figure out things in my own head.”

Deen appears to have been waiting for an opportunity to monetize her diagnosis. She’s inked a deal with Novo Nordisk, the pharmaceutical giant that provides her with diabetes medication. Deen announced today that she and her family are going to start appearing in ads for the company.

But aside from pushing drugs, Deen’s not planning to make any dietary changes, other than curbing her sweet tea addiction.

When asked about whether she will make a change in how she cooks on her show, “Paula’s Best Dishes,” Deen didn't give a direct answer, instead encouraging viewers to practice moderation. 

“Here’s the thing, you know, I’ve always encouraged moderation,” she said. “On my show, you know, I share with you all these yummy, fattening recipes, but I tell people 'in moderation... You can have that little piece of pie ...'" 

"I have always eaten in moderation," she said. "You know, people see me on TV two or three times a day and they see me cooking all these wonderfully Southern, fattening dishes. That’s only 30 days out of 365," she said. "And it’s for entertainment. And people have to be responsible. Like I told Oprah a few years ago, honey, I’m your cook, not your doctor. You are going to have to be responsible for yourself."

Oh, yes. Moderation and personal responsibility have worked out REALLY WELL for Deen. After all, thanks to diabetes, she's landed a lucrative deal with Novo Nordisk! She can still eat "that little piece" of Savannah High Apple Pie as long as she gets free insulin and Victoza injections from a pharmaceutical company! And best of all, she can continue to reap the benefits of peddling ridiculously unhealthy food while admonishing her fans to "be responsible for yourself" and gobble down pills! WIN-WIN!

Let’s be real: Type 2 diabetes can be prevented. Regularly chowing on sugar -- whether in the form of Twinkies or Deen’s Deep-Fried Cheesecake, causes insulin resistance and keeps glucose in the bloodstream -- which in turn forces the pancreas to crank out even more insulin to deal with the blood sugar, which in turn causes more insulin resistance, and on and on. The vicious cycle doesn’t end as long as we continue to poison ourselves with sugar. Taking drugs doesn’t fix the underlying problem; it just manages the symptoms.

(Want more information about the sugar-diabetes connection? Read this article over at Mark’s Daily Apple, or check out my Paleo guide.)

I don't think Deen's "the worst, most dangerous person in America," but she can’t simply be dismissed as a kook with a taste for gross food, either. She has a large following, and is prominent enough to influence hordes of television-viewing home cooks -- many of whom are the primary food gatekeepers for their families. By announcing that diabetes can and should be handled with drugs rather than dietary changes, Deen’s made herself the willfully oblivious poster child for America’s diabetes problem.

[Source: MSNBC, Nom Nom Paleo]

I Can't Look Away

Lord help me -- I can't stop watching Paula Deen videos on YouTube. Behold:

Deep-Fried Cheesecake:



Lasagna Sandwich:



Luther Burger:


I think I need to go check my blood sugar now.

"Put A Little South On Your Mouth"

I present to you Paula Deen's butter-flavored lip balm.

That is all.

[Source]

Deen: Diabetes Denier?

Paula Deen has reportedly been concealing her Type II diabetes to avoid charges of hypocrisy for foisting her obesity-promoting recipes on us fat Americans.

Not surprisingly, media reports are pointing to the high fat content in her cooking -- but no one's seems to bat an eye about the truckloads of sugar that she dumps into her gut-rotting concoctions.

Case in point: Deen's "Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding with Butter Rum Sauce." Back in 2009, when I first wrote about this stupifyingly trashy sugar bomb, I, too, ignored the sugar content, focusing instead on the fat and calories:

This barf-tastic recipe contains 10,460 calories and 718 grams of fat. It's supposed to feed 12, so if you're one of the dozen people digging into this heart attack of a dish, you'll be consuming 870 calories and 60 grams of fat. It's a nutritional Chernobyl.

If I'd have been more diligent (and enlightened), I would have pointed out that this five-star rated recipe also contains 1,280 grams of carbs and 1,082 grams of sugar. That's 90 grams of sugar per serving -- the equivalent of stuffing your face with three full-sized Snickers bars. Or five scoops of chocolate ice cream. Or slurping up a cuppa coffee with 22 sugar cubes in it.

My two cents: Deen should just re-brand herself as an out-and-proud Type II diabetic. After all, she clearly doesn't have a problem pushing nutritional garbage on TV and sickening her audiences (regardless of whether they actually end up cooking and eating her recipes). (See, e.g., Deen's Cheesy Ham & Banana Casserole -- which features, among other incongruous ingredients, crushed potato chips and white bread). And besides: No one believes that eating her food's going to lead to anything other than metabolic syndrome and early death anyway.

Note to the Epic Meal Time guys: Hire her now, before she's too sick to show you how to make Twinkie Pie and Peanut Butter Cheese Fudge dipped in Shrimp & Chocolate Tortilla Soup.

Oh gawd -- I think I just barfed a little in my mouth.

Sleep, Dammit.

The Centers for Disease Control report that over one-third of Americans get fewer than seven hours of shut-eye each night. And I’m guessing that the rest of us don’t come close to sleeping the nine hours recommended by the National Sleep Foundation, either.

So get to bed already. And try not to look at any photos of Paula Deen licking a guy's abs, 'cause that'll keep you up and give you night terrors.

(Sources: L.A. Times / BuzzFeed)

[Previously: Go to Bed / Conk Out]

Savannah High Apple Pie

What the hell is wrong with Paula Deen?

Sweet mother of God. I mean, it looks like an elephant crapped in a pie crust. And how do you even begin to slice this thing?

South Park Takes on Cooking Shows

Stan's dad decides to become a Food Network celebrity / cafeteria chef. Hilarity ensues.

Full episode here.

Paula Deen Gives Me Nightmares

(But really, I only object to the doughnuts.)

Paula Deen Gets Hit in the Face with a Ham

For the first time ever, Paula Deen's face met a ham she didn't like.

Is this some small karmic retribution for Deen's food-related crimes against humanity?

Macaroni Salad Lady vs. Paula Deen's Buttery Doughnut Monstrosity

This video has been making the rounds over the past few days:

Yes, this macaroni salad isn't remotely healthy by any stretch of the imagination.  As described on the video, this recipe contains a grand total of 6805 calories and 358 grams of fat.  But most of the savage mockery unleashed on the web (see here and here) isn't truly aimed at the dish -- it's (unsurprisingly) directed at this particular home chef's weight and appearance.

I'll bet, though, that most of the people who are gleefully delivering this online beat-down routinely stuff their own mouths with much worse.  Not to be preachy and all, but assuming this large bowl of macaroni salad feeds 12, each serving contains approximately 570 calories and 30 grams of fat -- not good, but no worse than a Big Mac without cheese or a run-of-the-mill chicken burrito with cheese and sour cream.  And how many of us post-modern, post-ironic, wanna-be techno-hipsters don't indulge in a burger or burrito once in a while?

In fact, I'll even wager that many of the pots who are calling this kettle fat have -- at one time or another -- considered replicating or ingesting some of the even more frightening recipes featured on the Food Network.  Have you seen Sandra Lee's horrific Kwanzaa cake, complete with gigantic candles, Corn Nuts (which she calls "acorns" for some reason) and canned pie filling?  It should be prosecuted as a hate crime.

Another example: On a recent episode of the popular "Paula's Home Cooking" show, Paula Deen whipped up something called Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding with Butter Rum Sauce, which contains (among other things) two dozen doughnuts, sweetened condensed milk, a stick of butter, hard liquor, and two cans of fruit fucking cocktail.

This barf-tastic recipe contains 10,460 calories and 718 grams of fat.  It's supposed to feed 12, so if you're one of the dozen people digging into this heart attack of a dish, you'll be consuming 870 calories and 60 grams of fat.  It's a nutritional Chernobyl, and far worse for you than the macaroni salad above.

For those of us who have slavishly committed to an exercise program like P90X, it's tempting to sneer at people who don't appear to be taking steps to improve their health.  But while we're all busy pointing and laughing at the Macaroni Salad Lady, we tend to lose sight of the fact that she's actually on our side.  It's the Food Network that's quietly killing us all.