This Almost Makes Me Wish I Was a Runner

I have an old Nike Mettle watch, which is (still) supa-fly stylish, but pretty much useless for anything other than telling time. I also have a Garmin Forerunner 310XT GPS watch, which does a damn fine job of mapping my (infrequent) runs, but it's also ugly as sin.

If I were still crazy about running, I'd probably dump both of 'em for the new Nike+ SportsWatch GPS.



Up until last fall, to use the Nike+ system, runners had to stick a little thingamabob inside compatible running shoes. Then, about a half-year ago, Nike ditched the sensor and replaced it with an iOS app for your iPhone or iPod. Now, with the SportsWatch GPS (created in partnership with TomTom), gadget-obsessed runners can leave their cell phones at home and still map their runs and track their speed, distance, caloric burn and heart rate.

Too bad I don't even pretend to be a distance runner anymore. This watch is bee-yoo-tee-full.

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Oh, COME ON.

Does anyone really need an office chair made of -- and outfitted with -- a bunch of resistance bands?

The $600 Gymygym chair promises you, a sedentary white-collar drone, an opportunity to "work and stretch your arms, legs, back and core without leaving your work space. Depending on your fitness level, you can increase or decrease the tension of the exercise bands, letting you tone and strengthen your whole body."

But even if you're desperate to show off your rubber-band-yanking abilities in the office, why not just stick a crapload of exercise bands in your drawer and pull 'em out to impress your colleagues during meetings? You'll save hundreds of dollars, which'll come in handy once you get fired.

Better yet? JUST STAND UP AND MOVE AROUND, people.

[Related Posts: Stand Up / Don't Sit Down / Why It's Harder for Women to Lose Weight (And Why You Should Ditch Your Office Chair)]

A Six-Pack in Seconds

After all, "chicks dig it."

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Apropos of Nothing

Best invention ever (at least for you Mr. Clean types):



(Source: Gizmodo)

The Perfect Holiday Gift for Wobbly Old People

Last year, I wrote that Nintendo's Wii Fit video game system won't do jack shit for most people's fitness. That remains true; after all, "only 22 of the 68 active video games tested resulted in moderately intense exercise, similar to brisk walking." (And as Mr. T has taught us, speed walkers are a disgrace to the man race, so "exercising" with the Wii Fit is almost certainly held in even lower esteem by B.A. Baracus.)

On the other hand, the New York Times points out that the Wii Fit is awesome for the AARP set.

A representative case study published last year found that an 89-year-old woman with a balance disorder and a history of falls significantly improved her scores on a series of balance tests after six sessions of Wii Bowling, an encouraging outcome given that, as the study authors point out, falls remain the leading cause of injury-related deaths in the elderly.

According to another study, older Wii Fit players "improved their balance scores significantly, lowering their supposed “Wii age” (a score assigned by the game system, based primarily on balance tests) by about eight years" while younger players "improved by only about one year."

Lesson: Don't let your kids con you into thinking that a Wii Fit can substitute for actual exercise -- but you might want to consider stuffing one under the tree for their grandparents.

Lie to Me

These days, women aren't the only ones who have to watch out for vanity sizing. According to Esquire, retailers are stroking male egos (and driving more sales) by lying to men about our ever-expanding waistlines.

Of course, you can get even more mileage out of vanity sizing by using a Waistband Stretcher. (How else could I manage to squeeze myself into skinny jeans made for toddlers?)

Wii Fit Nympho

Watch out, Wii Fit owners: Injuring yourself while playing a (not very physically demanding) video game could render you incredibly horny.

Why Shrink Your Gut When You Can Stretch Your Waistband?

One of the (few) pleasures of being stuck on a plane is the Skymall catalog, which is filled with wondrous shit like the Waistband Stretcher:

When your waistband feels too snug, reach for the Waistband Stretcher. You don't have to get rid of your favorite jeans, skirts or slacks thanks to this simple waist-band stretching device that lets you add from 1-5 inches (depending on size of garment) to the waist of cotton pants, skirts, and shorts. Just moisten the garment's waistband, insert the waistband stretcher, extend the garment to the desired size and let dry - voila, a more comfortable fit! Easier and more economical than taking tight-waisted clothes to the tailor for alterations. The Waistband Stretcher is constructed of durable plastic, and can be adjusted to fit waist-bands from 21" to 45 inches. Order today and make those clothes comfortable again!

Because who needs to exercise when you can delude yourself into thinking that you still fit into your old skinny jeans after gaining 5 inches around your gut?