Energy Drinks: A Waste of Money and Tattoo Ink

There's no evidence that imbibing energy drinks boosts athletic performance. And I'm pretty sure that tattooing a humungous energy drink logo on your body is similarly unproductive, too.

(Source: New York Times, Food Beast)

Caffeine + Alcohol = Satan

Prompted by bug-eyed media reports about Four Loko-related hospitalizations (and deaths!) of college-aged drinkers, the FDA's about to ban caffeinated alcoholic drinks. In response, Four Loko's manufacturer has announced that it's preemptively removing the caffeine from its beverages.

But fear not. If you're the kind of person who can't abide the thought of starting the morning without the equivalent of three beers and three cups of coffee, you have options:

• Have three beers and three cups of coffee.

• If you need a stronger upper/downer combination, I have one word for you: Speedball.

• But cocaine and heroin don't come in exotic fruit flavors! The solution: Make your own homebrewed Four Loko with Crystal Light and grain alcohol! Or better yet, mix up a batch with Jolly Ranchers candies, caffeine tablets, a Monster Energy drink, Sprite, and malt liquor. (Bonus: Sprite kills cancer! Kind of. Okay, not really. At all.)

(Photo: Kyle James)

Like Drinking Ten Lightnings

I so need the strength of 20 ponies right about now.

(Video contains NSFW language. If you're offended by four letter words, please feel free to watch the farting yoga lady again.)

Sugar in a Bottle

What are the 20 worst drinks you can buy in the U.S.? Men's Health lays it all out:

Worst Water: Snapple Agave Melon Antioxidant Water (1 bottle, 20 fl oz)

• 150 calories
• 0 g fat
• 33 g sugars
• Sugar Equivalent: 2 Good Humor Chocolate Éclair Bars

I disagree. The worst water I ever had was during a trip to China, after which extreme (and extremely explosive) gastrointestinal distress ensued.

Worst Bottled Tea: SoBe Green Tea (1 bottle, 20 fl oz)

• 240 calories
• 0 g fat
• 61 g sugars
• Sugar Equivalent: 4 slices Sara Lee Cherry Pie

Nobody does it like Sara Lee. Except for SoBe Green Tea.

More after the jump...