Monday's Workout: Sort-Of Heavy Thrusters

Lately, I've waking up earlier and earlier. This morning, my eyes popped open a few minutes before 4 a.m. I knew there was no chance I'd fall back asleep before the alarm went off at 4:20, so I got up and sent out a bunch of work-related emails. I'm sure my colleagues think I'm insane.

They may be right.

Strength Skill:

• Heavy Thrusters (3 sets of 3, 2 sets of 1)

I was inspired after watching Danny Nichols of TJ's Gym crush the thruster ladder WOD this past weekend at NorCal Regionals. The guy made heavy thrusters look like child's play, and ultimately set a world record by squat-cleaning 325 pounds before thrusting it overhead. 

But of course, inspiration is one thing, and ability is another. Here's the sad truth of the matter: The RXed weights for last weekend's thruster ladder workout starts at 155 pounds, and goes up by 10-pound increments thereafter. Today, my final rep was 145 pounds. And it was a PR.

Am I happy that I was able to do a thruster that exceeded my bodyweight? Yes. Am I satisfied? No. Looks like I have more homework to do.

Metcon:

I loved this one. L-O-V-E-D. Loved.

AMRAP in 10 minutes:

• 10 ring push-ups
• 15 Abmat sit-ups
• 5 30-inch box jumps

As you know, I'm a big fan of bodyweight workouts, so this was right up my alley.

This was the first time I'd encountered ring push-ups at CrossFit Palo Alto, but there's nothing too complicated about 'em: Just lower a set of Olympic rings to just-above floor-level, and do push-ups while holding onto the rings. In some ways, I found them to be slightly easier than regular push-ups because I could shift my hands to the most advantageous pressing position during the movement. Still, by the end of the ten minutes, I wasn't able to string together more than five in a row without taking a breather.

The Abmat sit-ups took some time, but went fine -- I focused on getting full extension with each rep, and most importantly, I didn't give myself an ass crack rash.

And the box jumps? They were fun, then frustrating, and then fun again. Thirty inches is higher than I'm accustomed to jumping, but in the first few rounds, I mustered enough energy to hop up and down continuously and get a decent extension while popping straight up off the top of the box. To maximize my reps, I was hoping to keep jumping without stopping and stepping off. As the WOD progressed, however, I got tired and sloppy, and failed to get full hip extensions at the top. "NO REP!" Tim kept calling out. "NO REP!"

He called it out four times before I got the message. I re-did the reps, forcing myself to pause at the top of each jump. I'd tuck-jump onto the box and land in a low squat position, stand up, and then step off the box -- and discovered that it was a hell of a lot easier than trying to go unbroken. Why didn't I do this from the start?

(Answer: I'm a dummy.)

Result: 7 rounds + 23 reps as RXed.

Monday's Workout

No max-effort strength workouts this week. That's right, folks: For the next six days, it's nothin' but metcons at CrossFit Palo Alto. On tap for today:

5 rounds for time:

• 7 overhead squats
• 14 plyo box jumps
• 21 Abmat sit-ups

Having not previously done overhead squats in a metcon with any real weight on the bar, I played it too safe today. Although I put 30 more pounds on the bar than before, it was still about 10 or 15 pounds shy of what I should have lifted. How do I know? 'Cause I managed to get through each of the five rounds of overhead squats without dropping the bar (except once in the final round, when I clumsily lost my footing and tipped forward). And as Tim says, if you can get through the workout without having to dump the bar in the middle of your sets, you should have added more weight.

(I'm secretly glad I didn't, though. The workout was already an ass-kicker, and cranking out two Abmat-sit-up-centric metcons in consecutive weeks made my butt crack want to weep.)

Result: 11:22.

Monday's Workout

For the first time in over a week, I woke up feeling halfway decent. My throat is still scratchy and I'm not yet 100 percent, but my energy levels are good, and I'm not dripping mucous all over the place. No reason not to hit the gym.

Strength Skill:

• Snatches (2 sets of 3, 3 sets of 1)

I'm finally putting some decent weight on the bar, but my form is subpar. I keep having to remind myself to be aggressive with this lift, and to get under the bar quickly. Of the Olympic lifts I've practiced, this is clearly the one that needs the most work (along with overhead squats).

Metcon:

"Annie" - for time:

• 50 double-unders
• 50 Abmat sit-ups
• 40 double-unders
• 40 Abmat sit-ups
• 30 double-unders
• 30 Abmat sit-ups
• 20 double-unders
• 20 Abmat sit-ups
• 10 double-unders
• 10 Abmat sit-ups

Chris Spealler can do Annie in four and half minutes. Sadly, I can't.

My double-unders are the rate-limiting step. I'm still adding single-unders between each double-under, which: (1) slows me down significantly (it's essentially doubling the number of jumps I have to do), and (2) exhausts me.

I found the sit-ups to be more challenging than usual today. I'm not sure if it was because the double-unders (and single-unders) had winded me, or if it was because I kept coughing up a lung. Either way, my abs hurt. And my butt, too. I hope I didn't give myself an Abmat ass-crack rash.

Result: 12:30 as RXed. My gut tells me I can reduce this by a good chunk of time once I figure out how to eliminate all the unnecessary single-unders from my double-under sets. Okay -- new goal: String together 10 double-unders without doing any single-unders in-between. I'm giving myself until the end of April to achieve this.

My calves are going to hate me.

Monday's Workout

Vacation's over.

Nausea hit me in the middle of our flight home last night, and despite trying to sleep it off, I still had a churning gut when I woke up at 4 o'clock (2 a.m. Maui time!) to get ready for my CrossFit class. I debated whether to go -- I didn't want to puke (or worse) in the middle of a workout -- but in the end, I decided to suck it up and head on out. (I know, I know -- bad move. M just walked by, read what I wrote above, and told me I'm sick in the head.)

Thankfully, I didn't barf, shit my pants or pass out. I kind of wanted to, though, given the workout that awaited us this morning.

Time Trials:

• 400 meter run
• 500 meter row
• 50 pull-ups
• 50 push-ups
• 50 Abmat sit-ups
• 50 air squats

No strength skill practice today -- just straight-up racing against the clock. We took a few minutes to catch our breath between "events," but the point was to establish a benchmark time on each with which to measure future attempts. To do so, however, meant pushing ourselves to go as hard and fast as possible.

With a bad gut and not enough sleep, this did not sound pleasant. And it wasn't.

Results:

• 400 meter run: 1:25
• 500 meter row: 1:47.2
• 50 pull-ups: 3:25
• 50 push-ups: 1:02
• 50 Abmat sit-ups: 1:16
• 50 air squats: 0:52

The row was the event that really killed me (as usual). Despite having to row just 500 meters, going at a dead sprint meant I spent everything in my tank. Unfortunately, when the needle hit "empty," I still had another 200 meters to go. I was flat on my back afterwards, legs and arms twitching. My pull-ups (the next task at hand) suffered as a result.

Thankfully, I recovered enough for the final three bodyweight movements. They're in my wheelhouse, and quickly becoming my favorite CrossFit exercises. Plus: Unlike some boxes, we have mats in our gym, so I am pleased to report that I am ass-rash free.

Upon finishing my workout today, I came home, changed back into my pajamas, and went back to sleep. How could I not?

(Photo: William Warby)

The Infamous Abmat Ass-Crack Rash

So you’re new to CrossFit, and for the first time, you encounter a WOD that demands an unholy number of Abmat sit-ups -- like this one or this one or this one.

You’re excited about trying this out, so you gamely throw an Abmat on the floor and get crankin’. By the tail end of the workout, you’re exhausted and marinating in your own sweaty juices. With every sit-up, you’re violently jerking upright and spraying everyone around you with a fine mist of salty liquid. (They’re totally grossed out, but continue cheering you on anyway.)

But then you finish, and you PR’ed. Good work! You feel awesome. You ARE awesome. “My abs are gonna be sore tomorrow,” you think to yourself, “but I’m gettin’ purdy good at this CrossFit stuff.”

A half-hour later, you pop into the shower. And that’s when you notice the stinging sensation. You reach back and gingerly probe where it burns. Your eyes widen.

YOU HAVE AN ASS-CRACK RASH.

Okay, so it’s technically not in your ass-crack; it’s actually well north of your butthole proper. After grabbing a mirror, you see that the rash is by your tailbone, where your plumber’s smile ends -- or begins, depending on the direction you wipe. (Always front-to-back, people. Always.) You might have one big patch of red, irritated skin, or maybe it’s a couple of areas on both sides of your cheeks. Perhaps some skin has rubbed off, and you’re bleeding. Yes, that’s right: Your rear end is oozing blood.

The rash is sensitive to the touch. Water stings. The simple act of sitting or walking makes you wince. You momentarily consider “borrowing” your wife’s sanitary pads to line the rear of your tidy-whities. You're terrified you'll become another Ass Napkin Ed. Finally, you break open a first aid kit and ponder the logistics of slathering your crack with Boudreaux’s Butt Paste and sealing up the entire area with Band-Aids and masking tape.

While you stand there, pantsless but unsexy, wondering how long it’ll take your rash to heal (answer: about a week, assuming you keep the area clean and infection-free), it dawns on you:

The Abmat did this to your sweet, innocent bum.

Damn you, Abmat. DAMN YOU TO HELL.

And the worst part? You can’t brag about this injury. It’s not a “cool” injury like the time you face-planted while mountain biking down Mount Tam and needed stitches, or the time you fell and broke your arm while rock climbing. It’s not even a stupid-but-mildly-amusing injury like the time you were doing bench presses and your spotter’s sweat dripped into your mouth, causing you to gag and drop the loaded barbell on your chest.

No matter how many CrossFitters get ass-crack rashes, you won’t hear much about ‘em. People at your CrossFit gym will regale you with stories about cutting their foreheads with barbells while doing snatches, or ripping up their calloused hands with high-rep pull-ups, but bloody rashes located inches from their poop chutes? Like Lord Voldemort, these are boo-boos That-Must-Not-Be-Named. No one, it seems, wants to volunteer information about what's happening between their butt cheeks.

Well, except for me. And some folks who have emailed me about their sit-up-induced carpet burns. And these people over here. And the guy at my gym who approached our coach before yesterday’s Abmat-intensive WOD and said: “What can I do to avoid getting another scab in my ass crack?”

So what's the answer? How can you avoid getting a burning sensation where the sun don’t shine?

The solution is not to stop doing Abmat sit-ups. They’re awesome, and so much better than the plain vanilla version. (Why, you ask? Read this.) Besides, how sad would it be to let a little butt skin derail your exercise routine?

Some people say you should pull on some compression shorts to reduce or eliminate the ass-grinding friction. That probably works fine, but I have a simpler solution: Do your sit-ups on a thin, padded exercise mat. If your yoga mat's too thin, just fold it over once and put your Abmat on top, so that your tailbone is on the mat and not on the floor of your garage or gym.

I got a nasty rash the very first time I experienced a sit-up-intensive WOD. (Yes, after months of internal debate, I am finally ready to publicly concede that I do, in fact, have a butt crack.) But with a mat under my bottom, my ass-crack has been fine and dandy ever since. It's really quite spiffy. I'd post a photo, but I'd hate for you to vomit all over your keyboard.