Tacos Made with Doritos Are Real But They're Not Real Food.

I was on the phone the other day with someone who lives near Fresno, California. "But I don't like to tell people I'm from Fresno," she said. "It's the armpit of California."

Really? Then how do you explain THIS:



That's right: Fresno's among the first towns in California where you can purchase Taco Bell's Taco Supremes made with "REAL" nacho-cheese-flavored Doritos.

Incidentally, isn't this one of the signs of the Apocalypse?

PepsiCo's Drinkifying Your Snack

It may surprise you to learn that PepsiCo, the largest food-and-beverage company in the U.S., doesn’t just make cola. Eighteen of its brands, including Tropicana, Gatorade, and Quaker Oats, are billion-dollar businesses. And collectively, these brands are responsible for many of the ultra-processed, insanely-sugary snack foods that are killing us. Plainly put, PepsiCo is making people fat and sick.

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But according to this week's New Yorker, PepsiCo’s CEO, Indra Nooyi, wants the company to help battle the obesity epidemic, and to “lead the fight in the public health realm.” How? By selling "healthy," “scientifically advantaged” snacks that are “good for you."

“It’s not a question of selling less,” Nooyi has said. “It’s a question of selling the right stuff.”

Wow! Does this mean PepsiCo’s going to stop selling, say, PEPSI? Or TOSTITOS? Or AUNT JEMIMA SYRUP (which lists corn syrup AND high fructose corn syrup as its two primary ingredients)?

More after the jump...

Made for the Munchies

First, it was chocolate and peanut butter. Then, it was frozen pizza 'n cookies. And Pringles and Smirnoff.

Now? Taco Bell's introducing "tacos" with crunchy shells made entirely of neon orange nacho cheese flavored Doritos.

Admittedly, my thirteen-year-old self would have been in heaven. If I close my eyes, I can almost see myself washing down a half-dozen of these suckers with a large Dr. Pepper and then smearing my spit-slickened orange-dusted fingers across the front of my Jimmy'z sweatshirt.

But then my adult self would have to slap that kid upside the head for eating such utter crap.



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Link Dump: Lunchtime Edition

• The latest version of the ever-unhelpful USDA Dietary Guidelines (“just eat less!”) are out. Once again, they’re dumb. Once again, Guidelines demonize saturated fat and sodium, but seem to have no problem with carbs despite the USDA's own acknowledgment that Americans are stuffing themselves silly with the stuff.

• (Psst: Saturated fat ain't the enemy. Get yourself a tub of coconut oil and see.)

• But no one pays any attention to the Dietary Guidelines, anyway.

• We ‘muricuns prefer to get our dietary advice from people like Pepsico's CEO, who announced today that "Doritos are not bad for you" and cola must be healthy because it was "discovered in a pharmacy."So true!

• But just Doritos and Pepsi make a great lunch combo doesn’t mean you should break into vending machines. Thankfully, technology firms are already investing resources into safeguarding our nation's most precious natural resources: Funyons and Dr. Pepper.

• So if you don't have enough change jangling around in your pocket, skip the vending machine and go get yourself some ice cream nachos and/or ice cream bread.

• (On second thought, please don’t.)

• Speaking of ice cream bread, the Latest in Paleo podcast just launched. Subscribe already.

Okay. I'm off to get me a big grass-fed burger patty topped with ham, bacon, and a fried egg.