Friday's Workout: I Didn't Fart 56 Times

A rip-roarin' WOD to end the week.

Strength Skill:

• Weighted Ring Dips (5-5-5-3-3)

I didn't go super-heavy today, and ended my final set with a 24kg kettlebell dangling between my legs -- a whopping 27 pounds below my PR from May. Even so, I can already tell that the gym's new Rogue dip belts are going to make weighted ring dips a lot more comfortable. It sure as hell beats jamming a dumbbell into my crotch. The chain and carabiner make it a breeze to load up with a kettlebell and/or plates. "But how does it stay on?" XFitMama asked when she saw that the belts don't tighten or buckle. My reply: "The junk in my trunk keeps it from falling off." That, and magic.

Metcon:

• Tabata wall ball shots (20lbs / 14lbs; 10' target)
• Rest 30 seconds
• Tabata shuttle run
• Rest 30 seconds
• Tabata roll-ups

Score = Total reps.

After all eight 20-second rounds of wall balls were done, I was spent. The shuttle runs were more like shuffle runs as I willed my legs back and forth across the length of the gym. By the time I got to the roll-ups -- a scaled version of toes-to-bar -- I was pretty well fried. To perform a roll-up, you lie down on a thin mat and kick both legs up and over your head 'til they touch a kettlebell on the floor behind you. My shirt kept riding up, and the suction created by my sweaty lower back against the mat produced a loud, wet farting noise each time I cranked out a rep.

"I swear I'm not farting," I assured XFitMama, who occupied the spot next to me. I'm not sure she heard me -- but I'm sure she heard every Hershey-squirty ppbbbt! emanating from the general vicinity of my butt. They were perfectly timed; with each and every rep, as my legs went over my head and my butt aimed skyward, a wet raspberry ripped through the air. The more I thought about it, the more I pondered how awesome it would be if a person could toot out 56 farts in 4 minutes. And then I couldn't stop giggling.

Results: 67 wallballs + 48 shuttle runs + 56 roll-ups = 171 reps as RXed.

I SWEAR I WASN'T FARTING.