Sunday, October 31, 2010

Don't Waste Your Cheats


I love this bit of bullshit from Redbook Magazine, which has an online gallery of "Healthy Halloween Candy" selected by Lisa Lillien of "Hungry Girl" fame. According to Redbook: "You can get through October without going up a costume size! Just follow Hungry Girl Lisa Lillien's healthy advice."

Yes, let's. According to Lillien, the "healthiest" Halloween candies include:

3 Musketeers Minis
(24 calories, less than 1g fat)
"You'll save calories if you go for chocolates with light and airy insides instead of denser fillings."

Fun-size Lemonheads
(50 calories, 0g fat for 10 pieces)
"Most fruit-flavored hard candies have reasonable calorie counts. But tart ones take longer to eat!"

York Peppermint Pattie
(140 calories, 2.5g fat)
"Light and airy filling means fewer calories; plus, intense mint and dark-chocolate flavors really satisfy."

Peeps Pumpkins
(16 calories, 0g fat)
"Fluffy, sweet, and low-cal? Yes please! Six of these babies still come in under 100 calories."

Hey, Hungry Girl -- perhaps you're hungry because YOU'RE STARVING YOUR BODY OF CALORIES WHILE INDISCRIMINATELY JACKING UP YOUR SUGAR INTAKE.

If you're somebody who has trouble laying off the Halloween candy, consider this: Just about everything that people hand out on Halloween night is utter crap. I don't just mean that it's bad for you -- I mean it doesn't look, smell, or taste good. I can understand wanting to sample a nibble or two of Amedei chocolate from Tuscany. But a stale marshmallow crusted with fluorescent orange sugar from the discount aisle at Walgreens? Or chalky-looking milk chocolate-covered "SUGAR, CORN SYRUP, HYDROGENATED PALM KERNEL OIL AND/OR PALM OIL"?

It ain't worth it, people. Don't waste your cheats on shit.

And on that note, Happy Halloween!