Sunday, January 31, 2010


Have you come across this yet?

The "Knife and Fork Lift" are a pair of 9-inch, 1.5-pound dumbbells that double as eating utensils for those who are "starting a diet or having trouble remaining on one." But while it's probably true that the Knife and Fork Lift pose enough of a mealtime embarrassment and inconvenience that dieters will think twice before mindlessly shoveling food into their mouths, I call bullshit on the marketing claim that "[l]ifting food with these utensils is like doing curls with dumbbells."

Still, this got me thinking: If there's money to be made by simply mashing together an essential life activity with exercise, I have some ideas, which I've (poorly) illustrated below with Photoshop:

1. The Pull-Up Sports Bottle. Mount a hamster-cage-type water bottle above a pull-up bar, and allow yourself a swig only if/when you can haul yourself up above the bar.

2. Dessert Plate Push-Up. When tempted by a sugary, fattening plate of dessert, immediately get into a plank position and place the calorie bomb on the floor beneath your face. Ingest only what you can get into your mouth as you go down while doing push-ups.

3. Yoga Squat Defecation. When you need to expel all the crap just you ate, do it in style. Use a squat toilet, and maintain a perfect Malasana garland pose throughout.

I smell money.