P90X Day 56: Cardio X + X Stretch

We're going out to dinner with friends tonight, and in anticipation of eating a more fatty and caloric meal than usual, I decided I couldn't just settle for X Stretch this morning.  But heavy-duty resistance exercises were out of the question; I need to save my strength for Chest & Back tomorrow. 

So I decided to give Cardio X a try.  Before I popped in the DVD, I was already skeptical.  First of all, it's less than 45 minutes long.  Also, the list of exercises in this workout read like the ho-hum B-Sides on a Greatest Hits album rather than the fan favorites.  Clustered around a watered-down Yoga X section, a few Kenpo X moves, some of the less-intense Plyo exercises, and a handful of Core Syn exercises (but performed without weights), Cardio X includes:

• Sun Salutations (Vinyasas)
• Runner's Pose
• Warrior One (though Tony actually demonstrates Crescent pose instead)
• Warrior Two
• Reverse Warrior

• Ball Kick
• Hook / Uppercut / Side Kick
• Front & Back Knuckles / Ball Kick / Back Kick
• Jab / Cross / Hook / Uppercut
• Three-Direction Kick (both sides)

• Airborne Heisman
• Swing Kick
• Jump Shot
• Tire
• Wacky Jacks

• Squat X-Press
• Steam Engine
• Dreya Roll
• Squat Run
• Superman/Banana

I rolled my eyes and got on with it.  

But to my surprise, Cardio X got my blood pumping and my sweat dripping.  It starts off a little slow, but Tony soon increases the pace of the workout, and by the end, you realize that he's not stopping for breaks or instruction.  By the time we launched into Squat Runs, I was thankful that I wasn't using weights. Incidentally, I was pleased to see that Sweaty Vanessa shows off some advanced moves here, which suggests that she was assigned the task of demonstrating the "easy" variations in Kenpo X.  (Which still begs the question: What was Wesley Idol supposed to be doing?)  

Lastly, please tell me I'm not the only one creeped out when Tony admiringly tells Vanessa that she has "the skin of a FIVE-YEAR-OLD -- so LUCKY!" while he describes her fiancé Jason as a "weird" looking "Neanderthal runner guy."  

[UPDATE: Later in the afternoon, M and I did X Stretch for an hour.  Stretching later in the day was amazing; I was significantly more flexible and limber than I typically am in the early morning.  For the first time, my feet touched -- and stayed on -- the floor while in Plough.  Moreover, my forehead made contact with my knees during the seated hamstring stretches, and after adding a yoga block to the bottom of my feet, I was able to grab onto it to lengthen my stretch.  I know: You're thinking "big fucking deal, pal," but you can kiss my super-stretchy ass.  (On second thought, that sounds really, really gross.)]

P90X Day 34: Kenpo X

Why won't Wesley Idol get down in a real horse stance during Kenpo X? He just stands there with his legs bent ever-so-slightly, totally phoning it in. Both Tonys (Ex-Adult-Entertainer Tony and Ex-Marine Tony) squat waaaaay down when they're in horse stance, working their glutes, hamstrings and quads, while Mr. Idol looks like he's just casually bending over to squeeze out a nonchalant fart. My legs and butt were completely sore from yesterday's Legs & Back routine, and even I managed to get down into horse stance a lot lower than Wesley Idol. And don't tell me he's supposed to be modeling the "easy" version of the exercises -- that's sweaty Vanessa's job. Plus, Wesley Idol's credited with being the kenpo master who introduced Tony Horton to this workout in the first place, so he should be one who shows off the super-intense moves.

But he doesn't.

How can anyone expect to get an intense workout from Kenpo X when its creator looks like he's just sleepwalking through the moves? Clutching light (3 pound) dumbbells throughout the session, I actually got a decent workout this morning -- but only because I followed along with Ex-Marine Tony and did my best to ignore Wesley Idol.

P90X Day 20: Kenpo X

I'm guessing that Vanessa, the female trainer in the Kenpo X video, doesn't appreciate King Douche pointing out that she's sweating buckets at the end of the workout. Pointing to her dark green, perspiration-drenched tank top, Tony says to the camera, smirking: "That was LIGHT green when we started!"

He doesn't stop there. "We don't use any SPRAY-ON here! We do actual DNA REMOVAL -- coming out ALL OVER THE PLACE!"

Vanessa bravely grins through this, but you just know she's thinking: "Fuck you, you fucking asshole."