Monday's Workout: Row, Row, Row Your Butt Off

I knew I was in trouble as soon as Tim announced that today's workout was one of my "favorites." I can detect sarcasm from a mile away.

Here's what was on the whiteboard when we arrived at 5 a.m.:

1.
2.
3.

It wasn't until after the warmup that Tim filled in the first line:

1. Row 500 meters
2.
3.

"Go all out," he said. "We're going for the fastest time possible."

I abhor rowing with every fiber of my being, but I went totally balls out, hoping -- believing! -- that the pain would be over as soon as I finished the sprint. Maybe we'd do something fun next, like max rep pull-ups or deadlifts! Focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel, I cranked and cranked, pushing my stroke rate into the upper 30s. My time: 1:41.8. I was utterly spent.

And then, as I collapsed on the floor in a sweaty heap, I GOT A CHARLEY HORSE IN MY RIGHT QUAD. I'm pretty sure that's a first for me; the last time I got one, it was in my butt. (And it was the result of another rowing WOD -- one that Tim told me I'd "love." Ha!)

I frantically kneaded my thighs, knowing that there was more to come in this WOD. My fingers were crossed that we'd move on to something less agonizing.

But then Tim walked over to the board and filled in the second line:

1. Row 500 meters
2. Row 500 meters
3.

"And to give you some additional incentive to keep up your speed, there'll be a three-burpee-penalty for every second you lose off your first row time."

CRAP.

I got back on the erg torture device, and we all started pulling again. My quads kept spasming, but I was too exhausted to care. Instead, I focused on technique, and tried to conserve some energy transitioning from the release to the catch. My time: 1:48.5.

Looking back, I'm amazed I didn't slow even more. But at the time, I was too busy trying to unclench my leg muscles to stop and think about my performance on the erg. I wandered out into the parking lot, pacing/hobbling back and forth until some feeling came back into my thighs.

Somehow, I got my quads sufficiently loosened to go back for the third round. Before Tim wrote it on the board, I already knew how this would end:

1. Row 500 meters
2. Row 500 meters
3. Row 500 meters

I focused on beating my time from the second round, and succeeded: 1:45.7.

After writing on the floor for a while, I got up and did my penalty burpees. Twenty-four incredibly ugly burpees later, I was done.

The next time I hear that the WOD is one of my "favorites," I'm turning around and running away as fast as my legs can carry me.