Saturday, June 11, 2011

Anti-Obesity Housing

A new eight-story Bronx apartment complex called "The Melody" is about to open its doors this summer. And why do we care? Because it's the first co-op designed to discourage its residents from getting fat.

Among other things, "The Melody" offers:
  • A gym on the first floor!
  • Outdoor exercise equipment!
  • "Inviting" stairways to encourage climbing!
  • Motivational slogans and signs on the walls!
  • A "slow-moving elevator" to discourage residents from riding it!

Here's why this is supremely dumb:
  • Folks who want to live in an "anti-obesity" building probably don't need motivational posters to get them to exercise. They'd do it anyway.
  • No one -- fat, skinny, or in-between -- wants to live in a building with a slow-moving elevator.
  • There is no such thing as an "inviting" stairway -- not even for people who say they're interested in exercising. Case in point:

If I could design my own "anti-obesity" building, here's what I'd do:
  • Lights out at sundown.
  • Replace all desks with standing desks.
  • Ban vending machines.
  • Inspect incoming groceries and confiscate anything containing grains, seed oils, added sugar, etc.
  • Free jerky.
  • No stairs or elevators -- just ladders and slides.